No, I was not the defendent in a stalking case. He promised that he liked it when I parked my car outside his house and followed him around all over the place. He even told the cops that when they offered to take me away.
Yesterday (after 6 freaking months) was the trial date for my psycho neighbor’s jailbird ex boyfriend. Since I was the one that called the cops on him, the State saw fit to call me in as a witness. That’s right, I was served. Good times. And so I found myself at the County Courthouse yesterday afternoon. Simone, Michael Kors and I found it to be a truly enlightening experience, which I’ll tell you all about later.
Missing me as she always does when she’s trapped at work and I am not, Foxy decided to put together a wonderful little something-something for me. So now I present to you:
Foxy’s Top 10 Awesome Things About Spending Your Monday in Court:
10: You might meet a hot guy by the metal detectors.
9. You can finally put all that legal lingo you picked up from watching Law & Order re-runs to good use.
8. It’s an opportunity to learn new gang signs.
7. Meth heads say the dardnest things!
6. You can pick up some helpful pointers from a hooker (and she won’t charge in order to avoid incriminating herself). Score!
5. You can request that instead of using a bible to swear you in, they use a Michael Kors handbag.
4. You can demand to know why all judges don’t wear the little lace collar like Judge Judy does.
3. If a creepy guy hits on you, you can say, “I’d like to hold you…in contempt!”
2. If the judge is attractive, you can ask him, “Is that a gavel in your robe or are you just happy to see me?”
And the #1 awesome thing about spending your Monday in court-
You can stand up in the middle of the proceedings and tell the judge you want to please Nolo Contendere to being a hottie.
