Geezers Need Love Too

5 Apr

Doing this whole match.com thing is like taking on a second job.  Only there’s no paycheck, and benefits aren’t offered.  This morning I was perusing the site to check who had winked at or written to me.  The site also let’s you see who has checked out your profile.  That’s always a fun little thing to do.  So guess who checkity checked me out last nigth??  Don’t get all jealous ladies (and boys that like boys).  This 49 year old “hotty from hottingham” is mine.  All mine!

49?  My freaking ass this guy is 49!  More like 69.  My mother is in her mid 60’s and she looks like she could be his daughter.  You creepy bastards! 

Aside from his blatant violation of putting on his correct age, he missed another important thing: reading my profile.  I said 32-40 as my age limit.  Perhaps people think it’s just a guideline, “Oh, 42 is her limit?  Well, maybe she’ll take someone just a little bit older.”  Clearly, this is what the 59 year old “male model” thought to himself when sending me a wink the other day.  Sure, he was somewhat handsome, but I don’t have daddy issues.  Imagine how awkward that would be to go out with that guy!

  • Waiter: Who should I give the check to?
  • 59 Y/O Male Model Who Likes Younger Women: I’ll take that.
  • Waiter: [Looking at me] Isn’t it so nice when dear old dad can still take you out to dinner?  I wish my dad and I had that relationship.
  • Me: [Turning red with shame and humilation] Someone shoot me.

16 Responses to “Geezers Need Love Too”

  1. leky April 5, 2008 at 7:29 pm #

    Good luck on the search for Mr Right. Or should I say have lots of fun trying to find him.

    I highly guess that there will be any fun. -CS

  2. Lindsey April 5, 2008 at 8:35 pm #

    Yeah, I get contacted by old guys a lot, too. They tend to ignore your age preferences, because you fit in theirs and that’s all that matters, right?

    Anyway, check out this awesome match.com message I got this morning… I wish I could get his picture in here, but imagine an unattractive 40-something bald man dressed up for the Renaissance Fair. Really dressed up.

    M’lady,

    …forgive the intrusion, but I was haunting the various profiles, and happened across your intriguing (and tempting) resume, and was inspired to send you a little something to arouse your curiosity and entice a smile upon your resplendent visage…*smile*…

    Your ethereal knight awaits your beckoning, princess. Will you share this dance?

    Sincerely,
    Gentleman Ghost

    That, my dear, is freaking hilarious! What on earth would possess someone to do something like that! The crazy part is that you know there’s a woman out there that would totally melt for that kind of nonsense. -CS

  3. thenextfish April 5, 2008 at 10:35 pm #

    He won’t be your last older gentleman that’s for sure and he kinda had a nice grandfatherly look about him.

    What I particularly love with internet dating is the men who acknowledge they’re outside your age range and make some remark like “I don’t know why so many people are hung up on age.” That always gets the warning bells going – either they’re delusional about their looks or they want someone more submissive and less threatening than their age equal.

    You hit he nail right on the head. How did you know they included that in the message?? -CS

  4. cinnkitty April 6, 2008 at 4:39 am #

    That is SO wrong!! I can’t f’ing believe that (see.. I’m trying to cut back on my cussing just to help YOU out..ha..ha..ha..)

    Seriously…how can he possible think that he can pass for under 100? I mean, that’s like saying Lindsey Lohan still looks like she’s in her 20’s. 😉

    Let’s all send him anonymous messages about how we’re going to totally out him for being an old lying prick!

    BT dubs, good for you for trying to cut back on the dirty bad words. I accidently dropped the f bomb on Friday and then said shizzle last night (stupid booze). -CS

  5. Cyber Mistress April 6, 2008 at 6:34 am #

    there’s no such thing as “the” right guy. and stats show that yeah, western countries have too much oldies… they are actually looking for match caregivers… and speaking of, there should be a http://www.match-caregiver.com instead. Where do I register copyright first?

    I’m not looking for Mr. Right, I just want Mr. Right Now.

    You totally need to trademark that immediately if not sooner. -CS

  6. SinCity April 6, 2008 at 6:55 am #

    Awe, that’s mean! I bet he’s a really nice guy… just cuz he ain’t in your age demographic don’t mean you gotta be all hatin’ on him!

    If you’re gonna out the looky-lurkers, at least pick on the douche bags in our age group 🙂 I mean, you don’t want ppl to think you’re an agist, do you??!!

    Hey now, he’s the one that told a blatant lie AND completely ignored what I wrote in my profile about age limits. -CS

  7. Lola Magnolia April 6, 2008 at 1:46 pm #

    Sweetheart, there are A LOT of things you’re going to have to learn about online dating! I’ve been doing it for years – now I just do it for shits and giggles and because I have a great subscription rate that I refuse to give up! I’m not even interested in being in a relationship right now!

    There are plenty of people, both men and women, who tweak their age for “search purposes”. There are other reasons too like the people just being total assholes but this seems to be the main excuse for lying about one’s age. Clearly, as you stated above, this guy is NOT 49. If he’s 49, we all have a lot to worry about when we reach that age!

    Men in general are visual creatures by nature. They look at the pretty pictures more than they actually read the content of the profiles. Many times you will get a wink or an Email stating that he thinks you have a lot in common when there are no similar interests between you. That’s because the guy will think that just looking at your pix alone is enough. I mean, if HE thinks you’ll be great together you’ll certainly feel the same way too, right?!

    Good luck with this young padawan. Learn much from this, you will. 😉

    Thanks for that, Yoda. You’re right about men being visual creatures. I’m tempted to just put some cleavage shots up there just to see what kind of reaction I would get from it. Meanwhile, in the profile I would write things about how I like to torture kittens and that I drink blood because it keeps me young. -CS

  8. doorknob_dan April 6, 2008 at 8:22 pm #

    I was hoping I could sway you to the dark side and cause you to relax your age rules with my suave picture and my sly little casual wink tossed your way.

    Besides, that picture of me hardly does me justice. I was partially drunk and I had accidentally bought ‘silver fox’ instead of ‘deep brown’ hair coloring before that photo was taken.

    Wait, that wasn’t me. I’m not on the prowl anyways! What am *I* thinking?

    Oh yeah, I’m not. Carry on.

    You know an awful lot about hair dye. I’m concerned about you. -CS

  9. Koree April 7, 2008 at 7:57 am #

    argh. match.com makes me cry at night. i look for potential men then i cry when i realize they all suck balls. oh well at least you get that ego boost from the 49 yr old piece of ass. hehe. can he be the choice for just the tip tuesdays?? hahaha

    I’m sure they don’t all suck ball-just the ones that like you and me.

    Oh, yeah! Grandpa was totally hot enough to be featured on JTT! -CS

  10. Diane Mandy April 7, 2008 at 6:30 pm #

    Oh how I’ve missed you. This post made me laugh out loud!

    I’m glad that you’re amused by my dating disasters. That’s what I’m here for. 🙂 -CS

  11. ME IN MD April 7, 2008 at 7:12 pm #

    i warned u!!!!!!!! hopefully it will get better 🙂

    By “better” do you mean even stranger winks? -CS

  12. Amadeo April 7, 2008 at 8:42 pm #

    Hell if that’s the case…I can find you someone that age with deep pockets…for a small finders fee of course…if you give me a bigger percentage I’ll find someone who’s closer to death.

    I’m not exactly Anna Nicole. I don’t need an octogenerian that’s about to kick the bucket. -CS

  13. I was on Match.com for a day and a half. I cancelled my membership because you can’t block the feature where it tells everyone you’ve been looking at their profiles. Bastards.

    Oh yes there is. First you have to hide your profile and then you can search all you want. Stalking has it’s privileges. -CS

  14. Write Procrastinator April 8, 2008 at 6:09 pm #

    Judging from the picture, he reminds me of the geezers that hang out in the middle of small towns, just waiting to give tourists bad directions.

    He could be all mine. -CS

  15. pistols at dawn April 8, 2008 at 7:26 pm #

    Wow. Um…thank you for doing this so that I don’t ever, ever have to join one of these sites.

    I’m here for you. -CS

  16. Foxy Luv April 8, 2008 at 8:17 pm #

    I love the Harley hat too – so sexy. I don’t know why you didn’t do this on-line dating thing sooner – you could have been enjoying early bird specials and AARP events with grandpa Stash for months by now!

    He is pretty hot, though I don’t think he actually rides a Harley. Where would he put his walker? -CS

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