An Important Question for All Humanity

4 Apr

Why on God’s green earth do people find Jessica Alba attractive? 


Why?  Okay, so she has a nice body, but has anyone bothered to look at her face?  Anyone?  How about those fu-trocious (f’ing atrocious) highlights in her hair?  Here’s a tip for the people with the dark hair: beware of highlights.  There comes a point where your hair begins resembling hay.  Much like Jessica Alba.

Here’s a little something for you to know: she is common.  As a matter of fact, she’s what we would call a chacha (that’s slang for the chick that cleans your house).  Jennifer Lopez is also a chacha. 


Seriously, you could get a much hotter housekepper than either one of those 2.  Yuck.

20 Responses to “An Important Question for All Humanity”

  1. Ginormous Boobs April 4, 2008 at 5:48 am #

    Two Words: Sin City

    Again, she has a hot body but her face looks like ass. It really does. She is common! -CS

  2. Del-v April 4, 2008 at 6:14 am #

    I loved her in Dark Angel too.

    Yuck. -CS

  3. Wonky Weeze April 4, 2008 at 6:22 am #

    I couldn’t agree more. She is NOT good looking, or even a good actress. Good Luck Chuck is about as low as you can go. She hates that she’s knocked up by a total douche and is just an all around cunty cunt. And as a latina I really resent the fact that she is not proud of her heritage and actually is embarrassed by it. She needs to get over herself.

  4. talea April 4, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    I’ve been asking that for years! Seriously, she’s ALL ONE COLOUR! Her skin, her eyes, her hair, her lips, they’re all the same fucking colour. That ain’t right.

  5. MD April 4, 2008 at 2:10 pm #

    apparently I’m just into hideous troll women!

    There are certainly plenty of them out there. -CS

  6. Amadeo April 4, 2008 at 5:28 pm #

    I would elevate her beyond J.Lo…but that’s not saying much.

    That’s pretty much saying squat. -CS

  7. Skylers Dad April 4, 2008 at 6:40 pm #

    Nobody compares to my Charlize…

    That woman is hot like fire. -CS

  8. Red April 4, 2008 at 6:49 pm #

    SD, Grant’s gonna fight you on that one.

    Will he throw down the gauntlet? Will there be a joust? -CS

  9. Lola Magnolia April 4, 2008 at 7:09 pm #

    I’m really gonna’ have to disagree with you. You managed to find the most unattractive picture of her and in general, she is quite pretty. If I were gay, I’d do her. But seriously, aside from the blond hair she sported in the Fantastic 4 flicks, I think she’s pretty.

    Seriously? There are so many other women that are far, far hotter than she is! Again, I get the thing about her body, but her face is utter crap. CRAP! -CS

  10. Shieldmaiden96 April 4, 2008 at 10:27 pm #

    She’s overwaxed the ol’ eyebrows, fo sho’.

    Indeed she has! -CS

  11. pistols at dawn April 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm #

    I agree about J.Lo, but Jessica Alba’s pretty hot. Also, all my cleaning ladies are like 60, so she’s mopping up there, too.

    You need to go out there and get yourself another new cleaning lady. -CS

  12. A Dating Diary April 4, 2008 at 11:26 pm #

    I’ve wondered this same thing. This has made no sense for years.

    Something we’ll always worry about. -CS

  13. Our maid Mayra is pretty cute and she sings the whole time she’s cleaning up our messes!
    However, I have never seen her in a belly shirt or a bikini, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Jessica would kick her ass in body hotness.

    Maybe you could challenge Jessica Alba to a throw down and then post it all on youtube. Make sure to contact Perez Hilton before going any further. -CS

  14. Grant Miller, Esq. April 5, 2008 at 3:06 am #

    Three tacos, two tostados and a soda pop. Don’t forget the hot sauce chulo!

    You didn’t say por favor. -CS

  15. the Idea Of Progress April 5, 2008 at 6:44 pm #

    I’ve only noticed her for her acting ability.

    What acting ability? -CS

  16. the Idea Of Progress April 5, 2008 at 6:45 pm #


    Liar. -CS

  17. step right up April 9, 2008 at 12:22 am #

    Please do not throw stones but I find her to be a pretty girl. I agree that her acting leaves something to be desired. I see her as more of a tv star than a movie star. Is this a recent photo of her during her pregnancy? Maybe that is the reason for the poor picture (weight gain, bloat, fatigue).

    Ugh, not you too! I am judging you for liking her. Do you feel me judging you?? -CS

  18. heehee May 13, 2011 at 5:25 am #

    she’s awesum, you’ve gotta be an ugly fat shit for hating her.

    • Catherinette May 13, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

      First of all, nice spelling.

      Second, who are you referring to? Your mom?

  19. Jack Black June 3, 2018 at 12:45 pm #

    You are a joke…she is a godess and no doubt you are an ugly old whore

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