Archive | 7:15 pm

Consider Yourself Warned

4 Apr

I’ve been inspired after reading this little gem of an article about Herman Flores who sold his sister for drugs.  I don’t do drugs, never been my thing.  But there are a few things out there that are getting expensive.

Sister, you might be sold for gasoline and or cocktails.  Pack a bag because you never know when it’s going to happen. Oh, and make sure that Damien and Lucy(fer) are bathed and they have a bag too.  I might put them up on ebay-I could use some heating oil.

This is a far better plan than my original one: Bartles & Jaymes for booze/fuel.  That’s being thrown right out the window.  This is what family is all about.  You mean a lot to me, and I hope I can get a high price for you.

An Important Question for All Humanity

4 Apr

Why on God’s green earth do people find Jessica Alba attractive? 

ugly-jessica-alba.jpg

Why?  Okay, so she has a nice body, but has anyone bothered to look at her face?  Anyone?  How about those fu-trocious (f’ing atrocious) highlights in her hair?  Here’s a tip for the people with the dark hair: beware of highlights.  There comes a point where your hair begins resembling hay.  Much like Jessica Alba.

Here’s a little something for you to know: she is common.  As a matter of fact, she’s what we would call a chacha (that’s slang for the chick that cleans your house).  Jennifer Lopez is also a chacha. 

jennifer-lopez.jpg

Seriously, you could get a much hotter housekepper than either one of those 2.  Yuck.

Who Knew?

4 Apr

How strange that match doesn’t include this in it’s slogan: Where fatties with double chins find love.  My profile has been up for a whopping 3 hours and has been viewed a few times.  Here’s something they all have in common: a nice double chin and a face that might give me nightmares.

What have I done?