Archive | 11:43 pm

This One Goes Out to Claude

2 Apr

Let’s all take a moment to wish Claude good luck this evening.  A certain young stalker of his is about to get kicked to the curb. 

Have fun breaking up with him after 2 dates!!  He’ll probably melt down and want to talk about his feelings and tell you all about the plans that he had made for you.  The little house in the country, the 2 cats (Mr. Bojangles and Ms. Mimi von Buttons), the vacations out on the lake, etc.). Enjoy it, it’s a total blast.  If he tells you he loves you, do what I did when Hairy McBacksweat told me he loved me: stare at him and do not respond.

Another suggestion: make sure he knows you have “plans” tonight so he doesn’t keep you there draining you of all your energy while he drones on and on about feelings.  Feelings are stupid and are meant to be ignored and brushed aside.

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Funny Times with Disney

2 Apr

The following exchange took place between 9:37 and 9:38 EST this morning.

Disney: I hate it when you’re like this.
CS: Pardon?
Disney: You know what I’m talking about.
CS: Umm. . .what?
Disney: I don’t like it when you’re this way.
CS: How’s that?  Clever and charming?
Disney: Clothed.

I nearly spewed my coffee all over the HR person walking in my direction.  That Disney is funny to me.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

2 Apr

And by “forum” I mean “my sister’s house”.  The neighborhood fire station is on the way to my sister’s house.  Passing the station is always a good time, mainly because I have a special place in my “heart” for firemen.  They are hot and I want them to put my fire out with their “hoses”.  On Saturday, the fire station was holding one of it’s countless “Fill the Boot” fundraisers.  Essentially a bunch of them stand around and intersection and come running over to you with their big old boots and ask you for money.  Again, I don’t mind as long as it’s a hot one.

This time around, the hot one was on the other side of the street so I thought, “Too bad for them.  They get no money.”  Then I hit the red light and I was the first one at the intersection.  Darn it.  So much for my cheap ass ways.  I grabbed my handbag and started looking for money while one of the firefighters started making his way over to my car.  As I rolled the window down and we started chatting, I realized he looked awfully familiar. 

  • CS: You work at Ixia, don’t you?
  • Him: That’s right.  I’m the guy at the nitro bar.
  • CS: God, I love that place.
  • Him: You take pictures and write a blog.
  • CS: [completely dumbfounded]  Uh, that’s right.  I do.

Thankfully the light turned green before he could say anything else. 

Here’s my question: How did he freaking know that??  How??  It’s not like I announce myself where ever I go.  It’s kind of freaking that he knew me.  Now, if he was someone nice that happened to see me at the Junior League Boutique sale the other day, that’s different.  Said person would be pleasant and I would have been delighted to chat it up with her-if she had come up to me and said something.  Not that any of that happened, I’m just saying.  Anyway, the fact that he knew me freaked me out. 

I had to make an important decision: no more Ixia for me on a Saturday night.  That’s the night he mans the nitro bar and I don’t want him spitting in my $15 drinks!

Tantalizing Tuesday

2 Apr

I have the hottest plans in Baltimore.  Tonight, I’m hitting one of the hottest spots in town.  People go here to see and be seen.  That’s right, Wegmans.  Time to restock the fridge.  If you plan on going to stalk me tonight, don’t make a scene if you see me.