F*ck That Sh*t!

31 Mar

This is probably going to come as a total shock to some of you (and by “some” of you I mean the 2 new people that are reading this blog for the very first time).  Ready?  Wait for it.  Here it comes: yours truly has a foul mouth.  I know!  SHOCKER!!  I’ve been dropping the f bomb for over 25 years now.  My sister and I went to this awesome liberal school in California where we were allowed to swear (the thought being that it would dilute the bad words and teach us to express ourselves in other ways) and call our teachers by their first names.

Their theory worked: when I’m angry with someone, I tend to go off at them, but never ever call them a fucker or a shithead.  Mainly I use the words to spice up my dialogue.  It’s good times, until I’m comfronted with someone who is not as liberal with their cursing.  This always makes me feel a little awkward.  I kind of want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them a little and tell them to loosen the fuck up. 

Recently, another challenge has presented itself: Damien and Lucy(fer) are talking and are picking up the things that I say.  One festive day Damien and I were fooling around on the computer and a page didn’t load and I said “shit”.  And wasn’t it so funny when 2 seconds later he said it again. . .and then proceeded to say it for the rest of the day.  My sister was horrified, I couldn’t help but laugh.  I did, however, realize it was in my best interest to watch what I say-something that I have also taken into consideration during meetings at work.  How strange to see people gawk at you when you describe their plan as “shitty”. 

So, fine people, I have decided to challenge myself.  1 week (starting on Monday, March 31) without swearing.  Not one single word out loud, and nothing goes on the blog.  No dirty words.  Just so we’re clear, let me tell you the words that are off the list: asshole, shit, fuck (or any form of the word), and cunt. 

Goodbye sweet dirty words.  I’m going to miss you. . .I really am, but it’s only for a week and then we’re be reunited!

18 Responses to “F*ck That Sh*t!”

  1. Lady Jaye March 31, 2008 at 4:18 pm #

    oh geez…good luck with that. I am relatively certain i can’t do that. After your week is over and we all know how you did then maybe I’ll consider trying. My father repeatedly tells me that I don’t speak like a “young lady” should.

    It’s only 8:35 and I’m regretting it already. Oh how I just want to drop the f bomb right now. -CS

  2. Infamous JP March 31, 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    oh fuck! I would be an shitty cunt of an asshole if I were to use any of those fucking words around you wouldn’t I?

    Just seeing them in print makes me want to shout them at the top of my lungs!! -CS

  3. Lola Magnolia March 31, 2008 at 6:12 pm #

    Fuck. Oops, Fudge. Oh wait, just because YOU’RE not permitted to say those beautiful, colorful words doesn’t mean I HAVE to, right?!

    I have a serious potty mouth. My mouth should be cleansed daily with Chlorox Bleach toilet cleaner. But then I’d be dead and wouldn’t be able to curse daily, so screw that!

    I TRIED so hard to curb my mouth when my kids were little but it never worked. When my son was an infant, he would take a bottle exactly when Jerry Springer was on every day. I finally told my mom that I had to stop watching Jerry or my son’s first word would be “bitch”.

    Over the years, my kids have tested me to see how far they could go. It wasn’t very far! One time, when my son was 3, I was cursing under my breath and he looked up at me and said “You’re not gonna’ say ‘shit’ are you?!”. My daughter has never said anything out-of-line. I think she’s saving up for a big one. 😉

    You don’t know the impacts that Jerry Springer could have had. It would have been kind of cute if he was in pre-school chanting, “Sit down, whore! Sit down, whore!” at one of his little classmates. -CS

    P.S. “Whore” is not on the list of no no words.

  4. Ginormous Boobs March 31, 2008 at 6:34 pm #

    Better you than me.

    You should totally try it out with me! Let’s see who can go the longest. -CS

  5. Skylers Dad March 31, 2008 at 7:18 pm #

    Yea, good luck with that! I would have a better chance of going a week without peeing than a week without dropping an occasional fuck.

    Wow, that’s some bladder you have. -CS

  6. Mike March 31, 2008 at 7:22 pm #

    Are you going to have a swear jar for everytime you mess up? Could be some good drinking money there.

    Nah, I’ll just chastise myself. I don’t need a swear jar for booze money, that’s what my salary is for. -CS

  7. pistols at dawn March 31, 2008 at 9:37 pm #

    What will you say when we’re doing it? It won’t be the same if you’re not hitting me and swearing at me, sailor.

    Don’t worry, I’ll still cry the whole time and then start laughing at you after those 2 minutes are up. -CS

  8. Katrocket March 31, 2008 at 11:58 pm #

    Sometimes I think I should do the same thing: get out the swear jar and make an honest effort to curb my potty mouth. But it’s never the right fucking time. Good luck!

    You totally should do it with me. Come on! You know you want to. -CS

  9. tabbie April 1, 2008 at 1:51 am #

    I was raised in a super weirdo mormon/born again christian family. I have the SUPER POWER of being able to revert to perfect lady language at will.
    I don’t think you have it in ya.

    You’d be surprised. Some people have gone as far as to describe me as “the nicest person they’d ever met.” Nice people don’t swear. I could totally take you in this no swearing thing. -CS

  10. Amadeo April 1, 2008 at 2:34 am #

    Telling people at work their idea is shitty is acceptable…and probably needed.

    Followed by a big slap to the mouth. -CS

  11. Wonky Weeze April 1, 2008 at 2:46 am #

    I LUVS me some good-old fashioned Deadwood-caliber type swearing. Give me some sweaty, smelly, cunt douchenozzles to scream out and I am happy happy happy!
    PS- In response to your earlier inquiry, Wonky Weeze is just fine.

    It’s really quite festive, isn’t it? Frankly, why people are disgusted by it will always be a big mystery to me. -CS

  12. the princess April 1, 2008 at 3:07 am #

    i also have a horrible, dirty pottie mouth. i work in the construction industry and there is some swearin everywhere all day long. i begin my day by greeting one of the salesman with the finger and a f**k you…hahaha.

    i am in so much trouble if I change jobs…i can’t imagine what you’re going through without that extra vocabulary right now…good luck to you

    Oh how I wish that I could do that with my boss.

    It’s hard. I’m not going to lie to you. Last night I was laying in bed wondering what had possessed me to give this a go. -CS

  13. tabbie April 1, 2008 at 8:26 am #

    wanna bet?

    What did you have in mind? -CS

  14. Ginormous Boobs April 1, 2008 at 7:00 pm #

    Tabbie has been to finishing school. You’ll never win, CS. Wait til you see her perfect posture.

    I was raised by a conservative Mexican woman. It’s just like going to finishing school. Shall we talk about the lectures she would give if anyone tried to stretch at the table? To this day I won’t do it. -CS

  15. tabbie April 1, 2008 at 9:45 pm #

    Whoever loses (YOU) has to post a you-tube video of herself doing the jig for 90 seconds.
    I love watching people do the jig when they lose a bet.
    But how can we be sure we’re being honest???

    Also, why would anyone stretch at a table? That’s an odd thing to do.

    Oh that would be splendid, but how would we know that no one (you) is cheating??

    Some people like to just throw their arms in the air and give a big stretch after a casual meal. I’ve seen it, but I don’t do it. -CS

  16. tabbie April 2, 2008 at 1:58 am #

    You’re right- we could both cheat and never tell each other. We’ll have to do this in person some day- in a controlled environment with liquor. It’s a very good idea.

    Also, I’ve seen people pat their bellies at the table when they’re full. It’s kind of endearing.

    It’s a deal. We will meet, booze up, and not curse.

    That’s just not right. It’s just not right at all. -CS

  17. Bex April 2, 2008 at 10:50 pm #

    Seriously??! What will you say if you stub your toe????

    I will say any of the following:

    Shadooby
    Shizzle
    Shnikes
    FRAK (that one’s for you, Muffy and Lola)
    Fudgemeister
    ARGH!
    UGH!
    [silent tears and hopping around]
    Darn it
    Fudge
    Poo poo
    Son of a whore
    Puta madre (this is swearing in Spanish but I don’t care)

    There are all sorts of bold choices. -CS

  18. Lola Magnolia April 4, 2008 at 7:19 pm #

    Bex, the word “frak” is for pansies! 😉

    Hey now! Are you calling Veronica Mars a pansy? You best not be or we will have to fight! -CS

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