Even More Joys of Traveling

28 Mar

There truly were some wonderful sites at gate 34 of the Tampa International Airport.  Two hours of sitting and waiting around just so I coud sit on my duff for another three hours on route back to Baltimore.  Should have boozed it up to pass the time, but figured that I’d have a hard time expensing all the alcohol.  Let’s take this opportunity to thank the fine people who run the airport for maintaining the temperature at a balmy 10 degrees Farenheit and for playing awful country music the whole entire time.

At least there was a lot of stuff to see. . .

  • There was a power walker in her kelly green too short pants who passed me 16 times.
  • A 50-some-year-old woman who sat next to me and who was trying to talk to Marla on her red razr phone.  The call kept disconnecting and she’d yell, “Marla?! Marla??” into the phone, take it away from here ear and look at it with a very bewildered look on her face, then put it back up to her ear to yell “Marla!” all over again.  The phone started ringing and it was disturbing to hear that “Bodies” (by Drowning Pool) was her ringtone.  “Marla?  Is that you?  I lost you.”  Then the whole cycle would start all over again as the call was dropped once again.  This left me wondering who the hell names their kid Marla.
  • A douchebag executive with his clip on suspenders yelling stupid stuff into his blue tooth.  It very much sounded like, “Look at me!  I’m so important!  I have clip on suspenders and a blue tooth!  Look at me!  My mother didn’t hold me enough when I was a baby!”
  • Yay!  A man with a mullet, hammer pants and an “Ultimate Bucs Fan!” fanny pack.  And can it actually be?  Yes!  He had a wedding ring.  How’s that possible?  Wonder what Mrs. Ultimate Bucs Fan looks like.  Perhaps she was the one in the 2 sizes too small Nascar t-shirt that accentuated her muffin top.
  • Hey!  Look there!  It’s short fat Vince Vaughn in a too snug suit.  Not a good fashion choice for him.
  • Holy Mary Mother of hot!  Check out that fox in the perfectly fitted shirt.  Mama likey!
  • By far the most disturbing nightmare inducing sight was a woman in a royal blue terry cloth sweat suit.  2 words to describe her: camel toe.

20 Responses to “Even More Joys of Traveling”

  1. lengli March 28, 2008 at 6:04 pm #

    I’ve only ever known one Marla in my life – apparently the people who name their child this like to ship their children 5 states away to learn to sail at summer camp. Marla seemed very much like the boarding school type.

    The name should be outlawed. I grew up attending private schools and I know for a fact that had there been a Marla in any of my schools, she would have been beaten severely. -CS

  2. pistols at dawn March 28, 2008 at 6:11 pm #

    This whole thing sounds hot. I’m going to take a vacation to the Tampa airport and find me a Mrs. #2 Bucs fan.

    If you can’t find her there, you could always go hang out at one of the 100 strip bars in the area. Maybe you can meat meet the daughter of Mrs. #2 Bucs fan. -CS

  3. Jenny March 28, 2008 at 6:34 pm #

    Mullet Hammer Pants Guy!!! I think I saw him at the local 7-11 buying a Slurpee,getting into his broke down “classic” pick up truck with his girlfriend who wears stirrup pants, has big blonde hair and enough black eyeliner to make a raccoon jealous!

    For a second I thought you were going to say he was getting into his Camaro. Darn it. -CS

  4. Ginormous Boobs March 28, 2008 at 6:36 pm #

    And this is why I absolutely love airports.

    People watching is always a good time. I’m dying to take a trip to South Beach just so I can park my ass at a cafe and watch people walk by. Oh the joy that would bring me! -CS

  5. Mister Underhill March 28, 2008 at 7:01 pm #

    I missed out on some camel toe? Dammit!

    I love people who have things like suspenders and yet somehow thinkt hey are cool or important. Anyone in their 50s or 60s today grew up in the 60s …so it’s not like he should not be aware of what a retards he is.

    Since spotting the camel toe on that day, I’ve seen it all over the place.

    The guy was a total tool. Suspenders and kind of hot, assuming that it’s a hot guy wearing a nice suit with real suspenders-none of this clip on crap. -CS

  6. step right up March 28, 2008 at 7:02 pm #

    Isn’t it funny how someone with a mullet and fanny pack gets the male or female version of him or herself but someone like Donald Trump gets Melania? If everything was balanced, Trump should get the female version of himself.

    The big difference is that Donal Trump has loads and loads of money. Melania certainly did not marry him for his looks. -CS

  7. 5of9er March 28, 2008 at 7:09 pm #

    Oh the Hammer Pants… they will never go away. Someone, somewhere, right now is wearing them.

    Why don’t people just let them go? They’re so god awful! Just like stirrup pants. I never owned a pair back when they were popular and I most certainly will not own a pair if they’re ever back in fashion. -CS

  8. WendyB March 28, 2008 at 9:13 pm #

    Ooh, camel toe. Maybe you had a Coco sighting.

    Had it been Coco I totally would have asked her for an autograph. -CS

  9. Maybelline Jones March 28, 2008 at 9:17 pm #

    Every time I hear the name Marla, I think of the movie Fight Club:

    “If I did have a tumor, I would name it Marla. Marla, the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only
    you would stop tonguing it, but you can’t.”

    Such a totally excellent book/movie. -CS

  10. tabbie March 28, 2008 at 9:41 pm #

    TELL ME you got a pic of the mullet guy. Please!

    Sadly, I did not. -CS

  11. teri March 28, 2008 at 11:00 pm #

    I worked with a Marla, once. She was nice but seemed a little snooty at times.

    She was probably snooty because of her terrible name. -CS

  12. teri March 28, 2008 at 11:00 pm #

    Did you have hot sex with the cute guy at the airport?

    He degraded me in more than 1 way, if only it had been real instead of just in my mind. -CS

  13. One Date Wonder March 29, 2008 at 12:15 am #

    Marla reminds me of the manly chick from League of Their Own. I guess this means I am officially and hopelessly girly. The Fight Club reference was way cooler.

    I’ve tried to block out all thoughts of that movie. Hated ever single second of it. -CS

  14. Grant Miller, Esq. March 29, 2008 at 12:56 am #

    What’s a camel toe again?

    Here, this should help remind you. -CS

  15. Skylers Dad March 29, 2008 at 2:00 am #

    I always stand right next to bluetooth idiots and start answering their questions they are asking to the caller.

    That’s so freaking funny! I’m totally going to start doing that. -CS

  16. Amadeo March 29, 2008 at 4:50 am #

    Be honest…you liked the hot guy, but the freaks were more entertaining.

    Of course I liked him, he was hot. -CS

  17. Wonky Weeze (aka E) March 29, 2008 at 6:01 am #

    I love airports! If I lived closer to mine I would spend basically all my free time there. I like to play the “Where the Crap Did You Just Come From Game” when you see people deplane wearing completely weather inappropriate clothing for their destination. Usually the Mickey Mouse T-shirts or corn-rows are a good indication.

    Is it Eloise or Wonky Weeze, E?? Let’s make up our minds, you’re totally confusing me! -CS

  18. abroad March 29, 2008 at 6:56 pm #

    The enjoyment of people watching is short lived and you end up wearing headphones and sunglasses everywhere so you can pretend like you don’t see or hear all of these freaks.

    How did you know?? Did you see me watching you?? -CS

  19. thenextfish March 30, 2008 at 12:11 am #

    Tampa sounds SO much better than Toronto Airport which was full of bored business types with not a camel-toe in sight. Though I did get hit on by a geek in the book store so it wasn’t all bad.

    Oh ho, a geek in a bookstore? How very. . .umm. . .exciting(?). Did he talk to you about html code? -CS

  20. Write Procrastinator April 2, 2008 at 9:35 pm #

    Dammit, haven’t you been paying attention?

    The first rule about Camel Toe Club, is no one talks about Camel Toe Club!

    Those rules had never been shared with me. Then again, you probably have to be card carrying member of the club to know the rules. -CS

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