Archive | 5:49 pm

Even More Joys of Traveling

28 Mar

There truly were some wonderful sites at gate 34 of the Tampa International Airport.  Two hours of sitting and waiting around just so I coud sit on my duff for another three hours on route back to Baltimore.  Should have boozed it up to pass the time, but figured that I’d have a hard time expensing all the alcohol.  Let’s take this opportunity to thank the fine people who run the airport for maintaining the temperature at a balmy 10 degrees Farenheit and for playing awful country music the whole entire time.

At least there was a lot of stuff to see. . .

  • There was a power walker in her kelly green too short pants who passed me 16 times.
  • A 50-some-year-old woman who sat next to me and who was trying to talk to Marla on her red razr phone.  The call kept disconnecting and she’d yell, “Marla?! Marla??” into the phone, take it away from here ear and look at it with a very bewildered look on her face, then put it back up to her ear to yell “Marla!” all over again.  The phone started ringing and it was disturbing to hear that “Bodies” (by Drowning Pool) was her ringtone.  “Marla?  Is that you?  I lost you.”  Then the whole cycle would start all over again as the call was dropped once again.  This left me wondering who the hell names their kid Marla.
  • A douchebag executive with his clip on suspenders yelling stupid stuff into his blue tooth.  It very much sounded like, “Look at me!  I’m so important!  I have clip on suspenders and a blue tooth!  Look at me!  My mother didn’t hold me enough when I was a baby!”
  • Yay!  A man with a mullet, hammer pants and an “Ultimate Bucs Fan!” fanny pack.  And can it actually be?  Yes!  He had a wedding ring.  How’s that possible?  Wonder what Mrs. Ultimate Bucs Fan looks like.  Perhaps she was the one in the 2 sizes too small Nascar t-shirt that accentuated her muffin top.
  • Hey!  Look there!  It’s short fat Vince Vaughn in a too snug suit.  Not a good fashion choice for him.
  • Holy Mary Mother of hot!  Check out that fox in the perfectly fitted shirt.  Mama likey!
  • By far the most disturbing nightmare inducing sight was a woman in a royal blue terry cloth sweat suit.  2 words to describe her: camel toe.

More Joys of Traveling

28 Mar

Just my freaking stupid luck.  Today I leave the warm sunny shores of Florida to fly home to crappy cold Baltimore.  This afternoon I realized I’m on a different flight from my coworker.  She has a non-stop flight leaving at 7:10 and arriving at 9:30.  I have a “direct” flight leaving at 7:20 and landing at 10 fucking 30.  Stupid Southwest!  The supremely shitty flight is that my coworker was my ride home.  Now I have to take a freaking cab to pick up my car at work and then drive home.  Boo!!