Archive | 9:08 pm

Can I Offer You a Cup?

24 Mar

We had been on some kind of streak.  It has literally been weeks since I was trapped under the bus being forced to listen in to one of Debbie Downer’s depressing and/or painfully boring stories.  That streak ended today.  How is it possible that the woman can’t take a hint??  Is she really that clueless, or does she just not care?  God and the little diaper clad baby Jesus sleeping in the manger only know.

She’s been dating this guy for a few months now, and it appears that things are going very well for them.  He’s a widower, has 3 kids, a decent job, and seems like a good guy (at least that’s what I hear when she’s boring someone else with the details).  This morning she stopped by to ask Lit’l Smokey a question, and he wasn’t at his desk.

  • DD: Have you seen Lit’l Smokey today?
  • CS: He’s here today but I’m guessing he’s at a meeting.
  • DD: I need a manual for someone and he has the copy.
  • CS: Okay, well, he should be back soon.
  • DD: How was your weekend?
  • CS: Pretty low key.  I nearly died on Friday from the plague, but I managed to recover. [Dreading this next part but feeling obligated to ask] Did you have a nice weekend? [I purposely asked a yes/no question hoping she would keep it short.]
  • DD: I sure did!  It was really great!  I met the rest of Widower’s family, and he and the kids met my family.  We had an Easter egg hunt for the kids.  I got my hair done. I celebrated my birthday on Thursday too, that was really fun.  So busy, lots to do, boring, blah, blah, cat woke me up at 3:00 in the morning.  I’m so tired.
  • CS: Oh.  That’s nice.
  • DD: Yeah, my family really liked Widower and the kids.  It felt like such a great family gathering and we played checkers and ate food and did boring things and I am going to make you cry with boring details about the boring things that I did.
  • CS: [Willing the phone to ring or for someone to come and save me] Really?
  • DD: Yeah, and I took Widower’s daughter to get her hair done on Saturday and then I had to drive home and clean the house, and then we went to my aunt’s house and it was really great and boring and now I’ll talk about my cat until you hurl.
  • CS: Great.
  • DD: Yeah, things are going really well.  I’m tired though because the cat was playing with the blinds all night.  He spends most of the day hiding under the bed and only comes out at night when I’m asleep.  He’s hiding from the other cat who attacks him so I lock him out at night and that’s why the cat that hides under the bed only comes out at night.
  • CS: I see.
  • DD: The other night I just opened the blinds so that he could just see out the window.  That’s all he wants.
  • CS: I see. [My take is that the cat is actually trying to strangle himself with the cord of the blinds, which is what I would do if I had to listen to her drone on and on about nothing.]
  • DD: Plus I didn’t go to bed until late because Widower and I were on the phone until midnight.  We spent so much family time together but didn’t get any one on one time together.
  • CS: I see.
  • DD: So we were on the phone for 2 hours last night.
  • CS: Mmm hmm.
  • DD:  And then the cat woke me up at 3 to play with the blinds.

This went on for 20 freaking minutes.  I kept looking at the clock and making sure that I didn’t ask her any questions.  At one point I typed a long email and stared at my computer.  She just kept right on blathering away like a fool.   I’d give you the rest of the conversation but it was so painfully traumatic that it’s already been blocked out.  God I hope I don’t have post traumatic stress disorder.  That’s just what I need-to wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with vague memories of one of her boring stories.