For Me to Poop On

12 Mar

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is funny to me.  His strange little accent, his sarcasm, his sharp wit, and that fact that everything is perfect. . .for him to poop on.  Such as those 7 diamond hookers that Spitzer was interested in.

What, exactly, does a 7 diamond hooker do that a 1 diamond hooker won’t?  This was the focus of my lunch conversation with Disney and Foxy Luv this afternoon.  Our conclusion: a Hot Carl.  Why on God’s green earth someone would throw perfectly good money away so some hot klassy broad would poop on him or allow him to poop on her is beyond me.  There is absolutely no reason for that. None.

Then our conversation took a disturbingly strange turn: what are the lengths we would go to to save the lives of another?  Foxy, being the good friend she is, would allow someone to give her the Hot Carl if my life was in jeopardy.  When she asked me what I would do, this was my response, “I would give a very touching eulogy at your funeral.”  She was not amused.

Disney didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

17 Responses to “For Me to Poop On”

  1. Foxy love at 11:54 pm #

    She didn’t even have to think about it! That’s what was so freaking painful. No clarifying questions – just nope. No way.

    Poop is gross. I don’t want it anywhere near me. Besides, I did agree to let someone do it on my foot if it would help. -CS

  2. Mike at 11:56 pm #

    Well it takes a lot to balance out a Hot Carl. Maybe a Hot Carl Canadian style, but a eulogy was pretty weak. Hopefully in the future you won’t be needing any help from Foxy.

    Look here, Mike! You would have said the same thing to Foxy! Besides, my eulogy would really make everyone tear up. I’d mention her being a bus station skank and a clap having jezebel. All the things that drew me to her in the first place. -CS

  3. step right up at 12:06 am #

    Let me address this post topic by topic.

    Topic 1: Doing/Allowing a Hot Carl may rank you as a 7 star hooker but it also ranks you as a 7 star skank.

    Topic 2: Maybe Foxy should consider sparking up a friendship elsewhere?

    Why would a someone ever be turned on by putting saran wrap on someone’s face and then pooping on it? Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

    Foxy should just say no to the Hot Carl. Let me die. The Hot Carl is just not right. -CS

  4. Ginormous Boobs at 12:17 am #

    A Hot Carl…I now have to look this up on urban dictionary. I’m obviously ignorant since I am only aware of the good ole Cleveland Steamer.

    The Cleveland Steamer is when someone does it on your chest. The Hot Carl is when someone puts saran wrap on your face and then poops on the saran wrap.

    I know all sorts of disgusting things. Shall we talk about creampies next? -CS

  5. pistols at dawn at 12:27 am #

    I do like that the escort service uses the same rating system as AAA does for motels. One diamond means you’re staying in a Motel 8 – in that you’re probably her 8th customer that night.

    2 or 2.5 means she’s the Holiday Inn – go in, and you’ll be taking a holiday from work to hit up the free clinic.

    Perhaps our local “escorts” should do the same thing. Wonder what the tranny crack hoes on Calvert Street would get as a rating. . .? -CS

  6. Mr. Fabulous at 12:50 am #

    That’s what a Hot Carl is? I thought that was a Cleveland Steamer. What is the difference?

    One involves your chest (the C. Steamer), the other involves your face (the H/C). -CS

  7. Amadeo at 2:16 am #

    Actually for that money I wouldn’t want to look at her face and imagine Carl has been there.

    For that money she should do me and then put other girls out there to make me money. Additionally as much as Spitzer spent he should get a refund for the info getting out.

    No kidding. He should totally sue them and get his money back. -CS

  8. skylersdad at 3:01 am #

    For that kind of money I expect the girl to be able to levitate me off the bed with her skills.

    And I would expect that at the same time that she’s levitating you off the bed, she’s also cleaning your car and your home. -CS

  9. the princess at 3:41 am #

    i can barely type i am laughing so hard. omg you are funny.

    I’m not funny, the Hot Carl is funny. -CS

  10. leonesse at 3:44 am #

    No one would be able to afford my skills. Nor get away from LK’s mad ‘No Country For Old Men’ killing spree.

    LK’s spree?? I’m confused. -CS

  11. Diane Mandy at 6:07 am #

    I’m with you on the eulogy.

    High five, DM! -CS

  12. Okay.
    I’m gonna preface this comment by saying that I’m half loaded… 3 hours at happy hour will do that to a girl.

    so, this topic has been a hot one at my oficce and what I dont’ understand, is why the hell the guy would risk losing his job over a 3-4 diamond whore?!

    I mean, shit (sorry) but if you’re gonna risk it all, why not go for the gusto and get the 7 diamond girl?!

    this… this is the million dollar question for me, anyway.

    and I can’t even believe you brought up a hot carl… i have nothing to say on that matter…

    How dare you use such filthy language in a post about a sexual activity referring to pooping on someone’s face?? How dare you??

    I’m totally with you (even in your drunken stupor). I hope he got his money’s worth with her. She ended up costing way more than the $4300 that he paid for her. -CS

  13. Roxy at 4:52 pm #

    hahaha I love your reply. Amazing friend!

    I’m a true friend. I really am. -CA

  14. Deadspot at 6:14 pm #

    That was fabulous, Cathrinette. I am so going to steal your answer the next time someone asks that.

    Please feel free to claim it as your own. -CS

  15. 5of9er at 7:06 pm #

    That is a good friend… I’m not sure I’d allow the Hot Carl or the Dirty Sanchez in order to save someone’s life. 🙂

    Hells to the no on both of those. Forget the Dirty Sanchez. F that. -CS

  16. Foxy Luv at 8:24 pm #

    Let me paint a picture – they are about to throw me into a shark tank. If the sharks don’t tear me to bits with their rows and rows of sharp and jagged teeth, they will zap me with the lasers on their heads. She can stop the whole thing by getting pooped on, and she DID NOT EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. Not cool. But I really think I am screwed because last night, I asked my hubby if he would take it up the ass from another guy to save my life and also said no…very quickly.

    Not EVEN right!

    It’s not just getting pooped on!! It’s getting saran wrap put on my gorgeous face and then having someone poop on my face!!

    Seriously, the sharks would eat you quickly and you’d never know. Whereas I would have the memory of someone taking a dump on my face for the rest of my life!! -CS

  17. Reed at 9:45 am #

    Hi there, yeah this piece of writing is in fact pleasant
    and I have learned lot of things from it regarding blogging.

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