My Dilemma

10 Mar

I want some chips but I am not hungry.  What to do?  What to do?  As I decide what to do about it, I have this strange internal monologue going on between the part of me that wants the salty yum yums and the part of me that doesn’t want to be a fat little piggy.

  • The chips would be salty and delicious.
  • The fat that would be added to your hips-not delicious. 
  • Yet, getting up out of this chair and walking down the stairs is exercise, right?  Plus typing this post will help me burn at least 4 calories. 
  • And that still isn’t going to help you burn off the calories from inhaling all those Grandma Utz chips yesterday.  You pig.  Can’t you say no to chips just for one day??
  • Mmm. . .salty chips. 
  • Mmm. . .back fat.
  • Maybe I’ll get some french fries.  With ketchup.
  • But you’re not hungry.
  • And yet I still want them.
  • And do you still want your muffin top? Because if you do, by all means, go get some fries.
  • Maybe I’ll have a muffin.  Nope, I want something salty.
  • You don’t want chips.  You are not hungry.
  • No, I’m not hungry, but I want them.
  • How about some self esteem?  Do you want that?
  • Does it taste like chips and/or french fries?
  • Fine, go and eat stuff that’s bad for you and has zero nutritional value-unless you consider going up a size to be nutritional value. 
  • I believe I will. 
  • Pig.
  • I hate myself.
  • You should eat something to make you feel better.
  • Good idea.  Feelings are delicious!  Especially when they’re covered in salt and ketchup!


13 Responses to “My Dilemma”

  1. rebecca March 10, 2008 at 10:04 pm #

    I’ve been arguing with myself all morning about a chocolate chip cookie. I fought off the urge but ended up eating my lunch at 9:30 a.m. I still want the cookie.

    [shoving fries in mouth] You should go and eat that cookie. You deserve it. -CS

  2. pistols at dawn March 10, 2008 at 10:26 pm #

    Being a man, I don’t usually have this debate with myself. I just decided I’d be happier dying at 50 in a world where I can eat all the Doritos I want instead of living til 90 in a world of bran-based meals.

    What about fiber-based cereal? Would that change your mind? -CS

  3. Del-v March 10, 2008 at 10:48 pm #

    I’m hooked on Five Guys french fries. It’s better than crack.

    Why have I never had these before? Now I feel robbed and betrayed. -CS

  4. Diane Mandy March 10, 2008 at 11:23 pm #

    I just had a similar conversation. It hardly seems fair that we can’t enjoy our favorite foods without fear and guilt.

    It’s a vicious circle. We feel scared and guilty about eating delicious foods which makes us eat more and then we feel even more guilty about it. That’s when the booze comes in. -CS

  5. gnugs March 11, 2008 at 12:19 am #

    Wow. And here I thought I was the only one who could loose arguments with myself. Today, mine is, “eat the salad it’s good for you” and then my inside voice says “Yeah! Eat the salad, then we can go to Crisp and Juicy for dinner!”

    I would have just skipped the salad and headed for the bad food. Otherwise I would have been ingesting pointless calories. -CS

  6. MD March 11, 2008 at 1:21 am #

    I broke down and had some nice milano cookies today…mmmmm

    Sounds delicious! I ate chocolate when I got home. -CS

  7. Amadeo March 11, 2008 at 2:38 am #

    Utz are exempt from bad feelings…you’ve supported the local economy.

    Oh I hadn’t thought of that! I’m totally doing it for the state of Maryland! I care about the local economy. -CS

  8. Magnolia Sun March 11, 2008 at 3:19 am #

    That’s so funny, I actually stayed away from home today so I wouldn’t eat junk food and I’m still trying to talk myself out of making chocolate chip cookies.

    That’s interesting. I’m much safer at my house than out of the house. There’s really not that much junk food at home. -CS

  9. Single Girl in the City March 11, 2008 at 9:53 am #

    Yeah… I heart chips. And french fries. Given the choice between chocolate and chips? chips always win…

    Your inner voice? I think she’s related to mine (aka The Banshee)… When she gets all in my face (or on my ass) I like to send her to Guam.

    Perhaps, now I’m just throwing this out there… we’ll send your inner voice, The Banshee and Simone to Guam, and you come vacation here with me, we’ll eat all the fucking french fries we want…

    Actually. I know something better than french fries. Ready for this? Totachos! Tater-tot nachos. Oh.My.Fucking.God.


    Worth every damn cellulite ass dimple you get from them…

    I freaking want that!! Totachos sound freaking awesome!!

    I’m buying a plane ticket for Simone right now. When do you want them to go??

    Next time I’m up in NYC I’m totally going to shoot you an email to get some of those totachos! -CS

  10. singlegirlinthecity March 11, 2008 at 7:24 pm #

    And from NYC you’re boarding Jet Blue to the west coast, right?

    (I clearly need to update my blogger profile… *adds that to the to do list*)

    Sometimes I get confused. -CS

  11. The Sensual Counselor March 12, 2008 at 6:13 pm #


    Why not eat the chips and then go for a run?

    The Counselor

    BWAHAHAHA!! Me? Run?? Oh! You’re killing me! That’s a freaking good one!! Oh, I can barely type this I’m laughing so hard. Me run. Good one.

    No, seriously, unless someone is running after me with a knife or there’s a cocktail in my sight, I don’t run. -CS

  12. Hanmee March 13, 2008 at 6:03 am #

    And I thought I was the only one who engaged in these ridiculous conversations with myself.

    I realized today that sleep and food are the only two “luxuries” I really have. The kids have stripped me of the sleep portion, and I was eating stringently the past two days (and getting very cranky, I might add), and realized that I had stripped away my only other luxury.

    I have all sorts of riveting conversations to myself. Yesterday evening I had a delightful chat as to whether I should put the clean sheets on my bed or just not bother and sleep without the sheets. -CS

  13. Write Procrastinator March 13, 2008 at 11:21 pm #

    Go with Quaker Chocolate Rice Cakes.

    Thanks for that-2 days after I wanted the chips/fries. FYI: I went with the fries. -CS

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