Archive | 9:42 pm

My Dilemma

10 Mar

I want some chips but I am not hungry.  What to do?  What to do?  As I decide what to do about it, I have this strange internal monologue going on between the part of me that wants the salty yum yums and the part of me that doesn’t want to be a fat little piggy.

  • The chips would be salty and delicious.
  • The fat that would be added to your hips-not delicious. 
  • Yet, getting up out of this chair and walking down the stairs is exercise, right?  Plus typing this post will help me burn at least 4 calories. 
  • And that still isn’t going to help you burn off the calories from inhaling all those Grandma Utz chips yesterday.  You pig.  Can’t you say no to chips just for one day??
  • Mmm. . .salty chips. 
  • Mmm. . .back fat.
  • Maybe I’ll get some french fries.  With ketchup.
  • But you’re not hungry.
  • And yet I still want them.
  • And do you still want your muffin top? Because if you do, by all means, go get some fries.
  • Maybe I’ll have a muffin.  Nope, I want something salty.
  • You don’t want chips.  You are not hungry.
  • No, I’m not hungry, but I want them.
  • How about some self esteem?  Do you want that?
  • Does it taste like chips and/or french fries?
  • Fine, go and eat stuff that’s bad for you and has zero nutritional value-unless you consider going up a size to be nutritional value. 
  • I believe I will. 
  • Pig.
  • I hate myself.
  • You should eat something to make you feel better.
  • Good idea.  Feelings are delicious!  Especially when they’re covered in salt and ketchup!

 

A Very Special Birthday Shout Out

10 Mar

People, today we celebrate a very special and magical birthday.  Our own Muffy is turning “21” today! 

Happy Birthday, Muffy!!  Here’s to booze in your glass and hot men (notice that’s plural, not singular) in your bed.