The Moment You’ve Been Waiting For

7 Mar

I present to you, the dirty email from the creepy guy. I highly recommend that you don’t go any further if you’re at work or near small children.  Consider yourself warned.

He’s a dirty, dirty monkey:

“Me 2 Catherinette Im stroking my big hard cock here 4 u right now thinking about u wanting 2 kneel down in front of u and slowly slide ur panties down and gently licking around ur sweet clitty mmmmmmmmm I can almost taste u now baby xxxxx
Id love 2 hear ur voice hun I bet u sound as sexy as u look wud u like 2 call me sometime?…..soon I hope”

 The thought makes me throw up in my mouth.  Just a little bit.

30 Responses to “The Moment You’ve Been Waiting For”

  1. Mike March 7, 2008 at 2:36 am #

    He didn’t send you pics yet? Hey the guys a regular Wordsworth when it comes to composing. You better grab him fast before the police do.

    Poetic, right? I don’t have pictures of his peen. . .yet. I’m working on it! -CS

  2. abroad March 7, 2008 at 3:31 am #

    He would probably be turned on by your throw up too.

    You’re probably right. I’m sure he’s got plans for the vomit. I don’t want to know what those plans are. -CS

  3. teri March 7, 2008 at 3:42 am #

    does he not know how to spell, for God sake?

    Not so far as I can tell. Or maybe he does know how to spell and just chooses not to do it correctly. -CS

  4. laura March 7, 2008 at 3:58 am #

    Oh! Urgh!

    My sentiments exactly. -CS

  5. Katrocket March 7, 2008 at 4:08 am #

    so… did he talk all retarded like that on the phone?

    I must admit: I loved the word “clitty”. That’s f’n GOLD.

    Come on, now! Don’t you think I’d tell you if I talked to him on the phone? There’s no way I’m giving him my phone number. F that.

    Feel free to use it all the time. Your friends and family will love it for you. -CS

  6. Random Musings March 7, 2008 at 4:09 am #

    I feel like I need a shower from having just read that!!!
    UGG creppy yucky gross guy…EWWW

    I felt the same way. No matter how much I scrubbed I just couldn’t seem to get clean. -CS

  7. skylersdad March 7, 2008 at 6:48 am #

    I am going out on a limb and guessing he’s an Oxford graduate, I think you better catch him before he slips through your grasp!

  8. Single Girl in the City March 7, 2008 at 8:28 am #

    Um… yeah. Have you seen the movie “Me, You and Everyone We Know”? (If not, sadly my comment will make no sense whatsoever…)

    I’m now thoroughly convinced your dirty little peen whacker is a 7 year old boy… if he tells you he wants to do “Back and Forth”, run…

  9. cinnkitty March 7, 2008 at 8:51 am #

    OMG… I’m so fucking hot for him right now… how do I get in touch with him and do you think he’ll take it up the ass from my boyfriend? ha..ha.ha…. 🙂

    I have his email address if you want to email him. In fact, you can get on Yahoo Messenger with him and do a little cam to cam stuff. -CS

  10. Just Wandering... March 7, 2008 at 10:05 am #

    OMG! If he ever sends you pictures, please post them so all the women who read this can run the other direction if we ever see him on the street!

    Of course I will! -CS

  11. Red March 7, 2008 at 10:14 am #

    Oh, he’s a keeper!

    He’s the man of my dreams. -CS

  12. Lola Magnolia March 7, 2008 at 1:47 pm #

    EW.

    Did you mean that in a good way? -CS

  13. Diane Mandy March 7, 2008 at 3:45 pm #

    He’s a modern-day Cirano de Bergerac! Just think–you culd be his muse.

    It would be a dream come true for me! I always wanted to be someone’s muse! -CS

  14. kdri March 7, 2008 at 6:39 pm #

    he’s the reason i’m afraid of internet dating…gross!!!!!!!!

    We should all be afraid of internet dating just for that very reason. -CS

  15. The Idea Of Progress March 7, 2008 at 6:40 pm #

    The thought hadn’t occurred to me until I read what Single Girl in the City wrote– maybe he IS a small child.

    ))(( 4eva!

    Umm. . .I don’t get the ))(( thing. -CS

  16. The Idea Of Progress March 7, 2008 at 6:41 pm #

    Damn, it won’t allow brackets, so that symbol doesn’t make sense.

    Let’s try one more time.

    ))((

    I still don’t get it! -CS

  17. The Idea Of Progress March 7, 2008 at 6:45 pm #

    Nope. Oh, well.

    Oh, so perhaps I don’t get it because there are wordpress limitations?

  18. Amadeo March 7, 2008 at 6:53 pm #

    That message clearly says: I only have one hand on the keyboard.

    I don’t think you’d have a hard time getting a picture.

    Yuck. Yuck! -CS

  19. Ginormous Boobs March 7, 2008 at 7:04 pm #

    Get those pics…it’s super easy…just ask for them. Tell him his big peen makes your clitty swell all upand they will be there lickety split.

    BWAHAHAHA!! That whole thing makes me laugh! -CS

  20. addicted to your blog March 7, 2008 at 7:06 pm #

    what did YOU say to get that kind of response?

    There’s really nothing anyone could say that would elicit that type of response. -CS

  21. Single Girl in the City March 7, 2008 at 9:23 pm #

    Idea of Progress –

    I kinda heart you right now for totally going where I was sure no one would go 🙂

    AND that somebody else out there has SEEN that movie!

    not gonna lie… I’m still mildly amused and disturbed by the whole ))((

    🙂

    I’ve never even heard of it, but have to say that I’m disturbinlgy intrigued. It’s going to have to be added to my Netflix queue. -CS

  22. houstonsocialbutterfly March 7, 2008 at 11:13 pm #

    I wanna know what you said too!!

    Trust me, it’s not that great. -CS

  23. pistols at dawn March 7, 2008 at 11:19 pm #

    I’m with Kat – I think the word “clitty” is hilarious.

    Here’s the main reason I could never date online: I’ve broken up with women just because they didn’t know the difference between “their” and “there” in written form, let alone this kind of godawful travesty. As long as there’s a written language for him to rape, you should be safe.

    So are you saying that what gets him hot is butchering the English language? Because he’s doing a really excellent job at it. -CS

  24. Tabbie March 8, 2008 at 1:54 am #

    he needs to stop saying clitty immediately. that’s a terribly creey word.

    CLITTY!! -CS

  25. Foxy Luv March 8, 2008 at 2:23 am #

    He better watch out…typing stuff like that from his mom’s basement and all…what if she walks in on him on her way to wash a load of sheets and towels? He would have some explaining to do for sure!

    I can only imagine how horrified she would be. It could drive any good woman to drink. -CS

  26. MD March 8, 2008 at 3:17 am #

    Get his number and have Pistols call him up!

    Oh my god that would be freaking hysterical!! Or we could set up a webchat and then Pistols could log on-only with a wig that would make it seem like he had really bad bangs. It’s GOLD! -CS

  27. the princess March 8, 2008 at 8:55 am #

    nasty nasty

    He most certainly is. -CS

  28. doorknob_dan March 8, 2008 at 9:22 pm #

    I wish u woud not put my emailz up 4 evry1 2 see. those were private 4 u only!!!!

    lov dan

    Sorry babes wont do it agan. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -CS

  29. Winter March 10, 2008 at 7:31 pm #

    Ew. No.

    You sure you’re not interested? -CS

  30. Write Procrastinator March 13, 2008 at 11:16 pm #

    This was an adult that typed this?

    There was some definite one-handed typing if he devolved into text language.

    Nothing says romance like “clitty,” it’s right up there with two dozens roses and box of Godiva chocolates, right?

    Gakk!

    Hmm. . .maybe Godiva can release the clitty collection next year for Valentine’s day. -CS

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