Facebook? More like F*ckbook

4 Mar

People, I have an exciting announcement to make: I have started receiving creepy messages on my facebook page!!  Woo hoo!  For those of you that are slight addicts of facebook (such as myself), you’ll know that people can invite you to add different applications to your profile.  The are are a bevy out there and long story short, I added one called “Are You Interested”.  This application shows you pictures of different people and you can click yes/no as to whether/not you find them attractive.  It’s stupid, I know, and yet I couldn’t resist.

A few weeks ago this cutie from London said he was interested, I clicked that I too thought he was cute, and the next day I had a friend request from him.  Harmless, right?

Then the messages started. . .

Feb. 18: “Hi there Catherinette babes I hope u had a great weekend I hope we get to 2 chat this week sometime xxxxxxxxxxxx” 

Feb. 26: “Good morning Catherinette hows u hun xxxxx”

Feb. 28: “Im just sitting here at home thinking how nice it would be 2 be there with you u in my arms holding u close and kissing those sexy lips of urs Catherniette wud u like that babes xxxxx”

Relatively harmless right?  I didn’t respond to the first 2 and for some reason decided to respond to the last one.  It was lame, something like “Hey sailor, sounds fabulous.”  Even though it really sounds totally idiotic and I can’t stand when people don’t spell/grammar check and the term “babes” makes me want to vomit just the tiniest big in my mouth.

Low and behold, I get this whopper today: “Good Morning Catherinette I wish I was there with u now hun sliding my hand down ur top and gently massaging ur sexy nipples getting them nice and hard like i am here 4 u now baby mmmmmmm”

WHAT??  Is this guy for freaking real??  Half of me is tempted to immediately block him from my profile and 1/2 of me is tempted to write back to see what other creepy things he writes.

 

26 Responses to “Facebook? More like F*ckbook”

  1. Del-v March 4, 2008 at 5:59 pm #

    Them’s some smoove lines. He must think you’re 14.

    Then he’d be incredibly stupid as it says that I’m 34. Granted, to send those emails he does have to be some sort of idiot. -CS

  2. Jenna March 4, 2008 at 6:07 pm #

    Yikes aaaaaand yikes.

    I know, right?? -CS

  3. addicted to your blog March 4, 2008 at 6:13 pm #

    Keep going…makes for good blogging.

    What on god’s green earth would I respond with?? -CS

  4. Skipper Todd March 4, 2008 at 6:29 pm #

    I think Del-v nailed it. In fact I’d bet he is closer to 12.
    But color me confused, I don’t believe I have ever noticed picture on your facebook page. How was said juvenile aware of the sexiness of “those sexy lips” or “ur sexy nipples”?

    You’re right, you haven’t seen the pics. Those are on my “real” profile. Here’s the thing, there’s no indication that I even have nipples. For all he knows I’m some super freaking no-nipped person! -CS

  5. Dora March 4, 2008 at 6:33 pm #

    I had a few of those on MySpace. I can’t get over what sad losers they are. This is the best line they can come up with? No wonder they do their swarminess online! Its probably the only place they get any attention.

    What I really wants to know is who the hell actually hooks up with some stranger from myspace/facebook?? Inquiring minds want to know! -CS

  6. Ginormous Boobs March 4, 2008 at 7:19 pm #

    Don’t know if you’ve had a chance to peruse my first few blog entries, but I basically posted some of my funky/weird/creepy emails from a dating site. With photos of the offenders.

    I will be posting myspace messages this week.

    Oh, and I have a habit of totally effing with them.

    Oh goody, now I’ll be reading your blog all night. I’d do it at work but there’s a big bad firewall that prevents me from visiting your page. They must think your massive boobies will crash the system. -CS

  7. Amadeo March 4, 2008 at 7:20 pm #

    You struck gold…I related stuff like that to MySpace. Your attraction powers are supreme.

    To use Foxy’s words, my whoring knows no bounds. -CS

  8. Diane Mandy March 4, 2008 at 7:40 pm #

    Keep it going. It will provide great entertainment for us!

    I don’t know how to respond. -CS

  9. Mike March 4, 2008 at 7:44 pm #

    Oh that’s just the tip of the iceberg babe. RUN.

    It is pretty creepy. -CS

  10. [Cherry] Ride March 4, 2008 at 8:13 pm #

    I’ll bet it is actually a computer and not a real person at all.

    Someone needs to do a better job at programming. They need to eliminate the term “babes” from the computer’s memory. -CS

  11. pistols at dawn March 4, 2008 at 8:35 pm #

    Look Catherinette iff you think Im so creepy hun u shouldn’t have led me on lik – ‘lick’ – lol 😉 – that. mmmm babes C U nekkid soon xxxxxxxx

    BWAHAHAHA!! You totally nailed it!! -CS

  12. Katrocket March 4, 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    Ok, settle down now. Think this over. Please don’t make me get out The Big Book of British Teeth.

    Think what over? The potential comedy that could come out of this? Or the article that might appear on the homepage of CNN when I go missing and all that’s left behind is one of my nipples? -CS

  13. gnugs March 4, 2008 at 10:21 pm #

    you know it’s a 12 year old, and if you write anything back, then you’re the creepy one… I mean… that’s what I heard.

    He’s not 12, he’s 23. . .ish. Is it still creepy? -CS

  14. Tabbie March 4, 2008 at 10:36 pm #

    I’ve decided that these dudes- the ones who send us super personal sex messages right off the bat- they’re going for quantity over quality. What I mean is- they send these messages to 50 women. 48 of those women are semi-sane and hit delete or keep the conversation going for blogging purposes.
    But there are 2 women who buy it. They feel like this guy is really into them and that they are “special”.
    You? You know you’re special without hearing it from some drooling loser who is looking for the weaklings in the pack.

    It’s actually a brilliant strategy. I’m going to have to put it into play to see if I can get some good dates. -CS

  15. Suze March 4, 2008 at 11:35 pm #

    Ugh – him calling you “babes” would be enough to delete him.

    Ugh, it is really freaking bad. Makes my skin crawl. I’d never let him near my nipples after calling me “babes”. -CS

  16. so@24 March 5, 2008 at 4:41 am #

    Just wait until the “poking” begins

    That’s how the flirting began, with virtual flowers, kisses, and beers. Then he had to take it down the nipple road. -CS

  17. abroad March 5, 2008 at 5:12 am #

    Yes, but is his bad spelling totally creeping you out with an English accent?

    I can forgive a lot of things when there’s an Enlish accent involved. Maybe I need to give this a second thought and wonder what “babes” sounds like with an English accent. . .

    Nope, still lame. -CS

  18. Single Girl March 5, 2008 at 11:09 am #

    Definitely keep going.
    Ask him what he’d do next!

    No wait. Get all freaky deaky on him and whip out some crazy S&M shit on him, THEN see what he says 🙂

    I’m going to to try to get him to send me a picture of his peen. Do you think he’ll do it?? -CS

  19. The Guv'ner March 6, 2008 at 12:14 am #

    Tell him the profile photos were old ones from college, and here’ s a new one for him and him alone, then send him THIS one. His peener will shoot right off.

    That is so hot. He’d probably blow a load the second he opened the link. Really hot. -CS

  20. Koree March 6, 2008 at 1:26 am #

    haha look at craigslist under casual encounters.that shits hilarious. some guy wanted to meet up w/a chick for a mid afternoon movie and fondle her during the movie and afterwards leave a gift/gift card for a set amount. maybe you can arrange some sort of similar transaction? just make sure he doesn’t have those english teeth like austin powers.

    That is so freaking funny! I’ll tell you what, if it was a good gift card, I might get in on that action. I could use some stuff from Pottery Barn. If someone wants to give me $250 to feel my hooters, who am I to tell them no. And if he sweetens the deal by taking me to the movies and getting me some popcorn, I’m totally going. -CS

  21. Mister Underhill March 6, 2008 at 3:02 am #

    Does that mean you’re not going to tell me what color your nipples are?

    Of course I’m going to tell you! They’re nipple colored. -CS

  22. cinnkitty March 6, 2008 at 5:41 am #

    Okay first off… are you SURE it isn’t our good old attorney friend from Alaska? ha..haha..

    Second of all.. he types like that?? Seriously? like he’s messaging you? I mean.. hello.. I can understand the ‘txt” speak on a phone.. those are some itty bitty buttons.. but on the freaking computer? ugh! lazee….. 😉

    I say you keep it up… this is just getting interesting.

    How are those nipples holding up?

    Oooooo…maybe you should take a picture of Simone..up close and personal and send it to him! 😀

    Good old Mr. Cavanaugh. Wonder who he’s stalking now. . .

    The guy is part douche, I think that explains the typing. You’ll be delighted to know that I have continued the correspondence. He wants to know when we’re going to “chat”. Umm. . .never?

    Nipples are doing well. They wanted me to let you know that they said hi. Oh, and Simone is here with me right now. She says she misses you and wants to go down to GA soon so you 2 can catch up. -CS

  23. koree March 6, 2008 at 9:42 pm #

    but only if the popcorn has extra butter and possibly a box of those luscious rasinettes.

    Mmm. . .buttered popcorn. So delicious, and so terribly bad for you. I think that’s what adds to the flavor. -CS

  24. the princess March 6, 2008 at 11:15 pm #

    ewww creepy and nasty. can’t even spell out the real words either. what a prince.

    You know it, babes! -CS

  25. cinnkitty March 7, 2008 at 8:53 am #

    Tell Simone that I’m not accepting any guests right now so she can piss the fuck off.. ha..ha.ha…..

    Damnit…. I feel a breakout coming on.. quick…where’s the acne medicine? augh!!! 😉

    She misses you and you know how she is. There’s no denying her. Trust me, I’ve tried! -CS

  26. Simple Mindz March 9, 2008 at 7:04 am #

    Super creepy! My daughter told me I should go download that app. lol.

    Do it! Then look up a Mr. First name Peter last name Brown in London! You can get clitty messages too. -CS

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