Who, Me?

20 Feb

Thank the good lord that I’m not that girl.  You know the one I’m referring to: the one that goes out with someone dreamy on Saturday and then obsesses when he doesn’t call her immediately if not sooner. 

Or who might over analyze why he dropped her off at 9:30 PM and told her he had to get up early for work the next day because his morning person had called out and he didn’t have a back up.

Who then proceeds to text Pistols for the rest of the night about how she was rejected.

And then decides to text the dreamy guy the next day to rub in that she got to sleep in when he had to get up at 6:00 in the morning and thanks for dinner last night. 

Then proceeds to check the phone 500 times to see if he responds.

Then once he does (8 hours after she sent the message-because that girl would totally keep track of the time) she immediately texts back and then flips out when he doesn’t respond within 5 seconds.

And when he doesn’t respond to her 2nd text or call her within 48 hours she deletes his phone number from her cellphone.

But she still logs onto her computer at home (via dial up because she’s totally behind the times) just to see if he might have emailed her after working two 12 hour days in a row because it would totally be the high point of his day to send her a message.

Then after not hearing from him for 2 days she sends him an email inviting him to dinner, and then checks her email every 2 minutes to see if he has responded.  And would totally keep track of the fact that she sent the email before 8:00 in the morning and 7 hours later he hasn’t responded.

Yeah, so thank God I’m totally not like her.  I would never do that.  Not ever.

33 Responses to “Who, Me?”

  1. Guv'ner February 20, 2008 at 11:34 pm #

    Thank the Lord. It’s great you have such a VIVID imagination though, dude. I mean you’re obviously NOT that girl, but boy you have wicked insight into her thought processes.

    It’s just “creative energy”, that’s what I like to call it. “Obsessed” and “psycho” are such awful words. -CS

  2. Lauren February 20, 2008 at 11:34 pm #

    LOL, that is great. Now stop writing about me ; )

    And here I was protecting your identity and you outed yourself! -CS

  3. cinnkitty February 20, 2008 at 11:35 pm #

    Yeah… thank GOD you aren’t that girl, because if you were I’d have to Slap you Silly and take away your cell phone and computer. 😛

    Just as long as you didn’t slap me in Simone. That would freaking hurt. -CS

  4. Mike February 20, 2008 at 11:42 pm #

    I’m so happy that’s not you cause that lady is a loser. 😉

    I believe you ment to say “pathetic” loser. -CS

  5. Diane Mandy February 21, 2008 at 12:16 am #

    You forgot to mention giving the guy a “special ring” on her cell phone. No, I’ve never done that. I’m just saying.

    She’s probably smart enough to not assign a special ring until he has called her more than 5 times. Otherwise, she’ll jinx everything. Besides, it doesn’t matter because she’s deleted his number already and you can’t assign a special ringtone to a number that isn’t stored in your phone. -CS

  6. Infamous JP February 21, 2008 at 1:29 am #

    I’m glad you are not that girl. Or the one that breaks her lent vow by blogging about it either. That girl is just plain pitiful.

    She’s horrible. No one would like to read about her. Or even comment about her. No one would care because they would be too busy ridiculing her and her ways. As they should. -CS

  7. Jenny February 21, 2008 at 1:37 am #

    Good thing you’re not her because if you were, I would say “Honey …he’s probably just not that into you … and if he was … you probably just scared the s*”*% out of him so he really is not that into you!”

    And I’m sure that girl would tell herself that he’s just not that into her but then she’d just ignore all the signs and pretend that he had just been really busy the whole time or something. -CS

  8. Skylers Dad February 21, 2008 at 2:25 am #

    So why not just date Pistols?

    Ok, OK, certainly you are not that kind of girl!

    Please! I still have some morals left-at least 2. -CS

  9. rebecca February 21, 2008 at 2:27 am #

    I did a similar thing about 6 years ago (hypothetically of course.) I got blown off by a dreamy guy, then called my friend to moan about rejection and how it sucks and all. Friend and I got drunk and commiserated about dating and how living alone is awesome. I never did see the dreamy guy again. Surprisingly, 2 years later, I ended up marrying that friend.
    Weird how “dreamy” becomes less important than “available with beer and sense of humor.”

    If only I had some hot male friend who would get me drunk and then marry me. . . -CS

  10. Ginormous Boobs February 21, 2008 at 3:00 am #

    I hate this girl. I wish she would stop pretending to be me sometimes. She is ULTRA embarrassing.

    You know the crazy part? I think that we’re all this girl. It’s insane to think how much in common we all have. I still hate her, though. -CS

  11. Lauren February 21, 2008 at 3:35 am #

    Tell me about it Giganormous Boobs. She knows me better than my own mother. Who does she think she is blogging all about my life? ; )

    Do you think our moms were like us when they were younger? That’s kind of a scary thought. -CS

  12. leonesse February 21, 2008 at 5:35 am #

    I did this sorta thing once, and only once, then swore off men after he went back to his ex and just didn’t bother to say anything for two weeks. He was a co-worker in another department, how hard would that have been?

    The swearing off men means it took SIX weeks for me to respond to my Lion King. I finally said yes after six weeks. One date was all it took. That man has really powerful mojo.

    (and then, of course, hot co-worker started emailing again. Men are strange jerks.)

    How could you only do it once? I do it only once-every single time that I meet a freaking guy and kind of like him. It’s not sane, it’s really not. Seriously, I think they psychiatric community needs to develop some kind of drug that will prevent us from acting like this. It’s important. -CS

  13. edger February 21, 2008 at 5:47 am #

    i would never, ever do anything like that. in fact, i’m definitely not right now waiting for a reply to an email sent in the last 15 minutes, and i definitely won’t be checking obsessively until i go to bed and as soon as a i wake up

    Thank goodness you’re able to resist the temptation of doing that. But you probably should have checked the email before going to bed, you know, just in case. -CS

  14. pistols at dawn February 21, 2008 at 6:10 am #

    Man, that guy sounds like a jerk. You know who doesn’t? This Pistols fella. He’s the kind of guy who sticks around after sex, but mostly because he passed out during it.

    Besides, this guy’s totally got the herp. Anytime a guy blows you off, just remember that he’s already made the commitment to take Valtrex five times a day, so between that and work, he just doesn’t have the time.

    He must really have a bad case because he STILL hasn’t responded to the email. Think I should give up on him? Or you think I should give it another week until his episode of herp has cleared up? -CS

  15. pistols at dawn February 21, 2008 at 6:11 am #

    Also, I’ve checked your site 4,000 times to find out when that Britney poll is going to be released!

    Actually, I feel weird just posting two comments in a row. Maybe 4,000 times is a bit of hyperbole.

    Maybe I should just reveal the results and then you should post them on your site. What do you think? -CS

  16. Suze February 21, 2008 at 7:07 am #

    Hey, at least you didn’t stake out the airport or something like that to see if he was leaving town.

    God no, he wasn’t traveling anywhere. Besides, I know where he lives (kind of) and could just drive past his street looking for his car to figure out which house is here.

    Thankfully, I have not (yet) reached that level of psycho. That’s one thing that I’ve never done. The second that sounds like a good idea is the second I intern myself in the local psychiatric hospital. -CS

  17. MisstressM February 21, 2008 at 7:11 am #

    And whats wrong with that girl? I like her, I may have to smack her upside down her head. But I like her. And its a good thing that you are not that girl.

    wink wink

    Thank god I’m not her. I hate being slapped. . .hard. -CS

  18. gnugs February 21, 2008 at 5:43 pm #

    So THAT’s where my alter ego went! I was looking for her. Sorry ’bout that. I’ll have to leash her more carefully next time…

    I’ll send her right back to you. -CS

  19. Amadeo February 21, 2008 at 6:53 pm #

    That girl should learn Cockney slang, maybe it’s just me that feels better saying, “Well piss on the sorry sod.”

    And then she’d have to call him a wanker. -CS

  20. WendyB February 21, 2008 at 7:00 pm #

    You’re not that girl…just a Method actor, right?

    I’m very into my “craft”. -CS

  21. Lola Magnolia February 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm #

    So…how was the date?! 😉

    Apparently it wasn’t as good as I thought it was. -CS

  22. Step Right Up February 21, 2008 at 8:30 pm #

    Yes, thank goodness! Because that would look desperate.

    Indeed it would be. -CS

  23. Red February 21, 2008 at 9:05 pm #

    See, tough though it may be, if it takes him 7-8 hours to answer a text, no matter how excited you may be to get it you cannot text him back 5 mins. later. You’ve got to wait until the next morning because you don’t care that much either, right? Sooner or later, the games get dull and you’ll blow him off if by any chance he’s still around, but for as long as you’re interested in playing his little reindeer games, you’ve gotta play by the rules.

    Too late. Besides, he’s officially written off now. -CS

  24. houstonsocialbutterfly February 21, 2008 at 10:11 pm #

    Thank Gawd you aren’t that girl….I’m not either!! 😉

    Yes, thank goodness for all of us that it’s total “fiction”. -CS

  25. Tabbie February 22, 2008 at 1:26 am #

    If I didn’t have ice running through my veins, I might be able to identify with that girl.

    Hmm. . .this intrigues me. Ice, you say? I might have to invest in that. -CS

  26. the princess February 22, 2008 at 1:52 am #

    nope, you are definately not that lady. me neither

    We’re too perfect and cute to be like her. Fuck her. -CS

  27. abroad February 22, 2008 at 6:32 am #

    You should throw whatever device you are using for texting right into the garbage. Buy some stamps, send a letter and calm down hon.

    Er, I mean tell that girl to calm down.

    You know what helps her calm down? Cosmos, a lot of cosmos. They seem to take the edge off. Maybe I should give her some. -CS

  28. thenextfish February 22, 2008 at 7:12 am #

    Right now I would give my first born to meet a guy who made me become that girl for just one day (it’s pretty quiet round these parts).

    I’d give my first born to meet that guy and to have chemistry with him. And not one way chemistry, that nonsense just stinks. -CS

  29. Grant Miller, Esq. February 22, 2008 at 8:30 pm #

    I would like to text Pistols 500 times.

    It’s super fun, but he starts charging you ten cents after the first 20 that you send. You have to pay with booze and/or lap dances. -CS

  30. leonesse February 23, 2008 at 8:29 am #

    Ha. I would probably still be doing it if it weren’t for LK’s damn mojo. He had me at ‘Look at that lizard’, which isn’t as dirty as it sounds.

    How is “look at that lizard” not dirty? -CS

  31. Just Wandering... February 24, 2008 at 9:09 am #

    Yeaaah I think we’ve all been “that girl” at least once in our lives. I had a friend who always became “that girl” when she was drunk, but she became a crying version of “that girl” because no one loved her. I promptly stopped drinking with her!

    Thankfully, that’s something I don’t do. If I’m hammered, I don’t cry-instead I end up in someone’s orangish Mustang making out with them. -CS

  32. Franki February 27, 2008 at 2:48 am #

    I would like to text Pistols but he won’t give me his phone number. I think he hates me.

    Clearly he doesn’t love you like he loves me. And by “love” I mean “want to see my boobs”. -CS

  33. Katrocket February 27, 2008 at 6:26 pm #

    Free dating tip: If you want prompt replies and hot stalker action, you may need to consider dating women.

    Damn it, that’s not the response I was hoping for. Girls are cute and all, but they just don’t do it for me. -CS

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