Archive | 7:57 pm

It’s Worse Than I Thought

18 Feb

Oh the shame!  The humiliation!  I can hardly stand it.  I might die from shame, I really might.  The right thing to do is to tell you all about it so you can all take pity on me and so that I can get rid of this shame.  I feel so dirty.  I just feel so very, very dirty (and not in a good way).

As you all know, I had to volunteer on Saturday and there was a possibility that Mr. Yellow Mustang was going to be there.  I was feeling all great and was ready to tell him about how awesome my life was, and how I’m one of Baltimore’s most eligible and so on and so forth.  I buckled the second I saw his car turn into the parking lot directly in front of mine.  Then the nausea hit in when I realized (here’s where the shame set in) his car is actually more orange than it is yellow. 

OH THE HUMANITY!! I made out in an ORANGE(ish) Mustang with the tool that owns it!  NO!  Someone please take these horrid memories away from me!  They just keep swimming in my head and the bile keeps rising in my throat.  Ugh, and orange(ish) Mustang.  What the fuck? 

She’s Baa-aack!

18 Feb

 

After weeks of being left along, the bitch is back.  That’s right, boys and girls, Simone has found her way home.  She has decided to live on my chin and scare small children and animals.  For awhile, I thought that she might stay down with Cinnkitty, but the dirty bitch has found her way home.  I’m outraged!  So outraged that I might have to eat a whole pepperoni pizza.  That will freaking show her!