Archive | 7:39 pm

Cheerio, Lola!

15 Feb

People, let us all take a moment to wish Lola a very brilliant and classic trip to London. 

Stay away from wankers, snog as many blokes as you can, and maybe shag 1 or 2.


I’ll Do You One Better

15 Feb

This morning a very special message was waiting for me in my inbox.  It was from a young lady in the Ivory Coast, the daughter of Boka Philomina, and she was asking for help.  You see, she needs someone to help her get her money out of the bank because she can’t do it alone.  It’s really an old story with a lot of mystery and intrigue and blah, blah, blah.  To find out more about Philomina, you can just click here and read her story.  I warn you, you might shed a tear or two.

I decided to write back.  Here’s what I sent to her:

Hi, Philomina. A friend of mine forwarded your email to me and I am very interested in helping you out. It sounds like you’re experiencing some very difficult times right now and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help you out. My family and I share a deep dark secret, one that is as compelling as yours. As you have been open with me, I will now share my story with you:
My real name is Sophie Neveu. I was raised by my grandfather after my parents were killed in an automobile accident along with my brother and grandmama. My grandpapa would call me his “Princess Sophie” and showed me how to solve complicated puzzles. As a young girl, I accidentally uncovered a strange key in my grandpapa’s room that had the initials ‘P.S.” Later, when I was in University, I went to visit my grandpapa in Normandy and was horrified to see him participating in a terrible sex ritual. This led me to become estranged from my grandpapa.
A few years ago, my grandpapa was found murdered in the Louvre with cryptic symbols surrounding his naked body. I partnered with an American professor, Robert Langdon, to uncover the truth behind the terrible murder. In our investigation we uncovered something that would rock the Catholic Church to it’s very core. We discovered evidence that Jesus Christ had married Mary Magdalene and they had a child together. Mary and the child survived and went to France after the death of Jesus Christ. A group of individuals who called themselves the Priory of Scion was charged with protecting their identities and this secret from the world. The last phase of our investigation led us to make one final incredible discovery: I am a direct descendant of that bloodline.
I had to change my name and leave my home country after receiving death threats from people around the world. Unfortunately, I have had to leave all of my belongings and loved ones behind because of the controversy of the information we uncovered. I currently live in a small trailer park in Tuscaloosa, AL and work as a waitress in a small diner. I am waiting to find someone that can help me gain access to my assets in France. I too would be willing to give them a portion of my money if they can help me.
If you find someone here in the United States that is willing to help you, please let me know. Perhaps they would be able to help me as well.
Sincerely, Catherinette Singleton

Gosh, I sure do hope she writes back!