Archive | 7:51 pm

My Dream Date with Pistols @ Dawn

1 Feb

He’s everyone’s hero: The guy that every girl needs to know and every damsel in distress’s worst nightmare. Other men want to be him and naive girls with poor judgement and low self esteem will fall prey to his prowess, and I get to meet up with him for dinner (please let me be one of those girls!).  I’m having dinner with Mr. Cool himself, Pistols @ Dawn.

Hmm. . .will I change my last name when we get married?

  • Catherinette @ Dawn.
  • Mrs. Catherinette @ Dawn.
  • Mrs.  Pistols @ Dawn.
  • Mrs. Catherinette Singleton-@ Dawn.
  • Maybe I’ll just keep my last name.

5:45: Crap, I have to leave my house in 15 minutes if I’m going to get there on time. What should I wear? White long sleeve shirt, jeans, and boots.

5:49: No, I don’t like this outfit-not enough cleavage. How about this green shirt?

5:51: Too much cleavage. If I show up wearing this he’s going to start throwing dollar bills at me. Then again, I could use the extra cash.

5:52: Let’s go with this shirt, just the right amount of cleavage. Now for the shoes. Boots? No boots. How about heels? But what if it snows later. I got it! The heels with tread on the bottom.

6:00: Perfect. Except for the hair. What’s with the hair? Looks like a small bird has decided to nest there. Oh well, time’s up. I gotta go. He’ll just have to get over it.

6:02: Maybe I should have stuck with the green shirt to detract from the rat’s nest on top of my head.

6:15:  Gotta leave a message for Lola-just in case he’s a serial killer and I disappear.  “Hey, Lola!  It’s Catherinette.  I’m off to meet Pistols @ Dawn for dinner.  If I die, his name and number are on my cellphone and you can have my new red coat.  Tell my niece and nephew I always loved them.  I’ll call you when I’m on my way home-if he doesn’t kill me.”

6:20: What the hell is up with all this GD traffic?!  I’m getting angry.  I’m going to be late and I hate being late.

6:25: I have a superb idea!  I’ll text him while I’m stuck at one of these stupid red lights and let him know that I’m running late.

6:26: How is it possible that I’m hitting another red light?

6:27: And another?

6:28: And 6 more.  Freaking red lights.

6:30: I am officially late.  I hate myself.

6:32: Score!  There’s a parking spot right in front of the restaurant.  Now, if I can only manage to parallel park. . .

6:35:Okay, now where’s that George Clooney look-a-like?  That guy at the end of the bar is waving to someone behind me? [Turn to look around] No, wait, he’s waving to me.  Wait a second, he doesn’t look like George Clooney.

6:38: Wow, that was really smooth of him to knock down the entire container of salt.  Talk about “game”!  I think I might swoon.

6:39: Ha ha, a Mexican joke about lawn mowing.  I haven’t heard that one (100 times in the last week).

6:43: I think I’ll order a salad and eat like a bird so he thinks that I’m all healthy and physically fit.

6:44: Like eating a salad is going to hide the fact that I have concealed muffin top and back fat.

6:45:Screw it!  I’m going for meat wrapped in meat with fattening sauce on top.  Mmm. . .meaty bacony goodness.  A burger?  He’s having a burger when he could have bacon wrapped filet?  Maybe this marriage isn’t going to work.

7:00: The woman at the table next to us is eyeing Pistols up and down.  She’s flirting with him but he’s not noticing because he’s whispering to his glass of booze.  I can’t quite make out what he’s saying but it sounds like “you’re mine tonight.”

7:10:She just whispered something to her friend.  Wait now she’s getting up and she’s sticking her ass in his face!  What the hell is she?  A dog greeting a new friend.  The dirty, bitch!  “Usually I have to pay for that,” he says.  BWAHAHAHA!!  I manage to swallow my drink instead of releasing it through my nose.  Good one!  The dirty bitch chuckles too.  As she walks away, I see her do the “call me sign” by raising her forefinger and pinky up to her ear.  I don’t think he notices because her hand is not anywhere close to my cleavage-where his eyes are currently located.

7:15: Christ, what the hell is he doing with his glass?  He’s not supposed to be licking the inside of the glass.  That’s gross.  He’s whispering to it again.  Should I leave them alone for a second?

7:17:Oh look, another Mexican joke.  Yes, I have heard that Mexicans drive low riders so they can pick lettuce as they go.  Funny.  Hardee har har.

7:45: Hey there, sailor.  My eyes are up here.

7:53: Wonder if he’s planning on making eye contact any time soon?

8:03:I can only imagine what would have happened if I had worn the green shirt.  I have an image of him sailing across the table and motorboating me.

8:18: We’ve inhaled our food and I need another drink-or 12 if I’m going to catch up to him.  Let’s go to this nice out of the way bar.  It’s quiet there (plus they have stools that vibrate and I could use that right now).

8:32: God freaking damn it, someone is sitting on the stool I want.  Bastard!  Wait a second, he’s kind of hot.  I might have to go and make friends with him later.

8:48:The barstool thief is giving me the eye.  He wants me. . .to stop staring at him.  That’s hot.

9:15: Wait a second.  I think I’m drunk.  No, I know I’m drunk.  Christ, I have no tolerance.  I will now attempt to sit here and pretend to not be drunk.  This is going really well.  Why is the bar starting to spin?

9:19: People are so funny when I’m drunk!!

9:30:I’m going to fall off of this (non-vibrating) barstool in a second.  Why is he looking at the mirror?  Did he just wink at himself?  Yes, yes he did.  Now he’s caressing his cheek in the mirror!

9:45: He’s totally ignoring me AND my cleavage!  Damn it, I should have worn the green shirt.  Hello?  I’m over here!!

9:52:Enough about stuff he wants to talk about, like booze and broken women.  Let’s talk about Tila Tequila!  No, wait, that’s the same topic.  He’ll totally love this.

9:55:How has he never seen Tila Tequila?  What’s wrong with him?  Then let’s talk about more dysfunction.  This one has strippers in it: Rock of Love.

10:14: What does he mean he doesn’t watch television?  What the hell is wrong with him?  What on earth would we do together if we weren’t watching television?  This is really disappointing.  The marriage is off.  I can’t marry someone that doesn’t want to watch useless things on television with me.  That’s what a relationship is all about.  That and broken promises.

10:30: He’s looking over my shoulder and pretending to talk to someone that’s not there.  I stare blankly at him.  I think I’m starting to sober up.

10:34:After winking at himself in the mirror and making a joke to my right shoulder, he has fallen out of his barstool.  Not sure how to handle that right now.  I know, I’ll just stare blankly at him.

10:40: Is he getting up?  He’s asleep!  How could he fall asleep??  I wasn’t even talking about handbags or shoes!  Christ, I’m not that boring!

10:45:That’s it.  If he doesn’t wake up after 5 minutes of me kicking him in the kidney with my high heeled foot.  I’m out.  Oh, and would you look at that?  Barstool hotty is walking out too.  Sure, I’d love it if he walked me to my car.

11:15: What is it about a man with a Mustang?

11:34: How is it that I find myself making out in yet another car?  So much for my New Year’s Resolution.

12:30am: My phone is ringing.  Screw it.  I’m not answering it when Mr. New Mustang is so fiery hot and breathing on my neck.

12:35:  He said he’d call me!  This is it!  The beginning of something special.  I can feel it.