Archive | December, 2007

Protected: Have a Bitchin’ New Year

31 Dec

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2007: My Year in Review

31 Dec

As we are nearing the very bitter end of 2007 it’s time to reflect on all of the exciting “accomplishments” we all have made.  Here are my top 10:

  1. Made out with my friend’s engaged brother in my car parked outside of a bar in February. 
  2. Started my blog.  Yay!
  3. Started a new family with Michael Kors and my cherry red ipod.
  4. Made out with a gay boy at a charity event.
  5. Did the dirty deed with Notebook after getting all boozy suzy at a wedding and THEN managed not to hurl in front of him the next morning when I suffered from a treacherous bout of the cocktail flu.
  6. Managed to enjoy a family vacation without killing my niece or nephew after being trapped in the car with them for 2 days.
  7. Made out with a loser guy in his yellow Mustang that was parked outside of a bar and then didn’t get all crazy when he didn’t call me.  Oh wait, no, I did get all crazy when he didn’t call me.
  8. Embraced my Mexican heritage by mowing the lawn for the very first time.  I’m so ashamed proud of myself.
  9. Made out with Notebook in my car parked outside of a bar.
  10. Posed for my very first (and probably only) professional photo shoot where they’ll probably choose a picture that shows off my assets (including my fat arms).

Wait, I’m sensing something here.  What’s with all the making out in parked cars outside of bars?  As always, I’m keeping it Klassy.

Sweeney Todd: The Boring Barber of Fleet Street

31 Dec

Why, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, why?  Mam’s just not feeling it. 

Typically, I’m all over a musical.  I like to get all swept up in the story, sing the tunes and then buy the CD so I can sing them some more.  This was just a very disappointing experience for me.  I was bored, didn’t care for the music, and found myself drifting off and making grocery lists instead of paying attention to the film. 

The only reason I stayed is because I got some warped pleasure out of the misery that Un-boyfriend was experiencing.  He leaned over every 10 minutes to tell me how much he hated me for making him see the movie.  My favorite was when he leaned over about 15 minutes into the movie and asked, “Is this a musical?”  Der!!  Had he watched any of the 1 million billion movie previews he would have figured it out.

Anyway, I hae suffered for all of you.  Save yourself the outrageous ticket price and buy yourself a cocktail instead.  Trust me, the cocktail is far better than this movie.  If you must see it, either wait until it comes out on video or get someone to pay for your ticket (just don’t promise them any kind of sexual favors for the ticket because the movie stinks and you’re going to be awfully sorry when it comes time for you to give up the Bartles & Jaymes for this nonsense-and no, I didn’t promise any favors to Un-boyfriend.  Instead, I paid for the popcorn and sodas.  $21 freaking dollars for a small popcorn, 2 sodas, and some freaking stale nachos.  Rip off.  Rip.  Off.). 

Promise me you won’t do it.  Promise me!

Merry Christmas to You, MTV

24 Dec

Thank you so much, MTV, for making my year just a little bit brighter.  This year you’ve introduced some really high quality programming-such as the Las Vegas Real World Reunion, and my favorite, Shot of Love with Tequila Tequila.  I totally thought that you wouldn’t be able to top that, and then you go and tell me that you’re going to have a show for Dominico (the fiery little Italian from Shot of Love) called “That’s Amore.”  I sat up in bed and clapped gleefully last night as Dominico revealed the news.  And, to top it all off, that cowboy psycho Ashley is going to be on it!!

Can’t wait for 2008!

I want my MTV!

So You Want to be a Wrap Superstar?

24 Dec

I have been wrapping presents at my mother’s house for 8 hours.  I can’t take it anymore.  If we don’t finish soon I’m going to hang myself with scotch tape . . .

(ear)Budding Romance

20 Dec

Last week, after Foxy and I wrapped up some training, I received a message from one of the cute boys in the class.  He wanted to set up some time to have lunch with me under the guise that he needed a little bit of career guidance.  So we met this afternoon for lunch, and he wore a tie.  I commented on how professional he looked with his “little tie” and he said, “I wore it for you.”  We all know that this is code for, “I want you naked and sweating beneath me.”  Come on, just admit it.

Anyway, we sit down for lunch and left my ear starts bothering me.  It felt like I still had my tiny little headphones in my ear.  I reached up nonchalantly to check if I was really that stupid that I’d walk away without having taken them off.  Nope, nothing there.  10 minutes later I get that strange sensation and reached up again.  Still no earphone.  Strange.  It occurrs to me that I’m spending too much time listening to my ipod and maybe we need a little break.

Fast forward to about 10 minutes before the end of lunch.  I’m gathering all my stuff up and making a little pile, when I look down in front of me and notice the little foam cover from my earphones.  I picked it up and stared at it, panicked, thrust it at this young boy and asked, “Did this just fall out of my ear?” 

He looked stunned, “What?”

I shook the little earphone foam thingy in front of my face, “Did this, just fall out of my ear?”

He looked from me to the foam thingy and then back at me, “No.  I don’t know.  I didn’t notice anything falling out of your ear.”  He managed to keep a straight face while he said this.  Meanwhile, I was trying to prevent my face from turning 40 shades of red.

It’s always great to have something fall out of your ear while you’re in the middle of a “business” lunch.  Super times.

Protected: I Amuse Myself

20 Dec

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