A Kiss Is Still A Kiss

26 Nov


“then I did the simplest thing in the world.  I leaned down. . .and kissed him.  And the world cracked open.” -Agnes de Mille

What is it about him that turns my knees to jelly?  It is unnatural the way that I feel around him, like I’m about to melt into the ground, or burst into flames.  Seriously, he drives me crazy.  We have little to talk about, and there are awkward silences about him, but he makes me flush and want to jump into his lap the second I see him.

Notebook came home for Thanksgiving, and we made plans to meet out for some drinks on Saturday night.  I was tired.  I didn’t want to go, yet I dragged myself out.  I made minimal effort in putting myself together as I was sure that nothing would happen.  I packed the girls in a tank top and tightish sweater (I did notice him staring down my shirt when he thought I wasn’t looking), and threw my jeans on over unshaven legs.  He walked in looking hot, as usual.  He always looks hot.  Always.

He bought me a drink, we flirted with one another, some other friends showed up.  We sat there for hours and I did a super job of not drooling on his jacket or his sweater.  Finally, it was time to go.  He walked me to my car.  It was cold out so I offered to drive him back to his car.  He said yes.  I pulled up in front of his car that he had parked right outside the bar.  He smiled at me and I knew he was going to kiss me.  And then he did.  And we were both sober.  Stone cold sober.

I went back and forth between 3 distinct thoughts: the desire to jump over my center console and straddle him; wanting to melt right into him; and wondering what it would be like if he just swallowed me whole.  He was so warm, his lips so soft, his hands were in my hair. He whispered, “It’s nice to see you,” while he kissed me.  Lord only knows how I managed not to die right then and there.   [My heart is beating so fast just thinking about it all.]

Having had no expectations that there could be a booty call, I was unprepared-I left the house without shaving my legs.  That meant that I couldn’t invite him home to jump into my warm bed.  Damn my unshaved legs!!  Foiled again!

We said good-bye.  We will not call each other, we will not email each other.  And I’m okay with that.  I’ll see him at Christmas time.  I have zero expectations.

A very Happy Birthday to me. . .

22 Responses to “A Kiss Is Still A Kiss”

  1. neal s November 26, 2007 at 6:43 pm #

    Speaking as a guy I can tell you that unless he’s a complete ass (and it doesn’t sound like he is), he wouldn’t mind hearing himself described that way. Keep your zero expectations but don’t let them keep you from pursuing something awesome.

    Oh, I’m new here by the way. Pleased to meet you all.

    First of all, welcome! We’re delighted to have you here. (And by we I mean me).

    Second, I’m confused. What do you mean by “described that way”? As an ass? -CS

  2. Pistols at Dawn November 26, 2007 at 7:01 pm #

    Nice. Well done, you! I’m going to start pretending my birthday occurs every month to have a similar excuse to make out.

    Good plan! Let me know how it works out for you. -CS

  3. Jenna November 26, 2007 at 7:09 pm #

    From what I’ve learned about men, if sex is offered, they don’t so much care about the state of your legs.

    They might not care, but I do! I wasn’t exactly in sasquatch mode-I’d only gone a day-but I know that it would have distracted me. -CS

  4. Princess of the Universe November 26, 2007 at 7:24 pm #

    Happy Birthday!!

    Yay for me! If only I had unwrapped his package. . . -CS

  5. The Idea Of Progress November 26, 2007 at 8:07 pm #

    Trust me, he won’t care if you shaved your legs. Not one little bit.

    But don’t you think he’d prefer a shaved leg?? -CS

  6. MisstressM November 26, 2007 at 9:39 pm #

    A very happy birthday to you indeed. By the way I read your entry a total of 3 times and even I started melting in my chair.

    You can imagine how much better his kisses are than the blog entry. I mean, the entry is good (I’ve even gone back to read it-if only to rehash the whole thing), but he’s just so dreamy. Mmm. . .Notebook. -CS

  7. Suze November 26, 2007 at 10:21 pm #

    Very nice way to spend a birthday.

    Indeed! It was a superb celebration. -CS

  8. Grant Miller, Esq. November 26, 2007 at 11:37 pm #

    Happy 29th!

    One day I’ll be 30. -CS

  9. red November 26, 2007 at 11:58 pm #

    I came home from Thanksgiving with rather fuzzy legs b/c I carried on and figured a razor wouldn’t get through security. I meant to buy one while I was home, but I forgot. The boy picked me up at the airport. After way too many hours sitting around the bar watching (or in my case, pretending to watch) football, we finally got to the moment that I, for one, had been waiting for. Except, oops, still fuzzy. I was wearing stockings, b/c that’s one of his favorite things, but they ended up coming off and I guarantee you we were both having far too good a time for him to notice the fuzziness. If there had been any Bartyles and James type action, I’m betting Notebook wouldn’t have noticed your one-day fuzziness either.

    But. . .the stubble! I just feel like it would distract me. -CS

  10. Tabbie November 27, 2007 at 12:44 am #

    I have learned that unshaved legs are murphy’s law laughing at you. The ONE time you’re actually going to have that chance and it’s all scratchy little hairs.

    It always works that way. Lord only knows why. I even mentioned it to Lola the other day (when I hooked up with Mr. Mustang) how I wasn’t going to put any effort into it. . .sure enough, that’s when I end up wishing I had bothered to shave my stupid legs. -CS

  11. cinnkitty November 27, 2007 at 1:24 am #

    Yeppers….. there are certain rules of the world that we should all follow.

    #1 – obviously – is “never meet up with Notebook w/o shaving your legs” because you never know if a booty call is in order.

    #2 is — never wear your ugly, granny panties to a “PJ Bachelorette” party, because you never know when you’ll have to do a lap dance. 😉 (yes..I said “do” a lap dance.. not “get” one. ha..ha..ha..)

    Here’s the thing: I believe that if I had actually prepared for a hook up, then one would not have happened. It’s just as Bridget Jones says about the chances of wearing huge panties (or not shaving legs) increases the odds:

    Hmm. Major dilemma. If actually do, by some terrible chance…end up in flagrante…surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. However, chances of reaching crucial moment…greatly increase by wearing these. Scarystomach-holding-in panties. Very popular with grannies the world over. Ha. Tricky. Very tricky.

    -Bridget Jones’s Diary, Helen Fielding

  12. Jenna November 27, 2007 at 1:46 am #

    One day? Please tell me you’re kidding. There is no way on the face of this earth that he would notice one day.

    Trust me, he would noticed. His hands would start bleeding the second he tried to run them up my leg. Sharp stubble kills the mood. -CS

  13. Alison November 27, 2007 at 4:34 am #

    *sigh* Awwww I miss those kinds of moments. Those feelings! That excitement! It’s one of the worlds biggest tragedies that the “beginning feelings” don’t last in a relationship…*sigh*

    Agreed. One of life’s biggest tragedies. Can you imagine how much better life would be if we could always have that feeling? Bliss. . . -CS

  14. Alison November 27, 2007 at 4:34 am #

    I got caught up there….I also meant to tell you woo hoo!

    Go, me! -CS

  15. Not Carrie Bradshaw November 27, 2007 at 4:48 am #

    Yeah!!!! That is awesome. What a great present (not to mention something to be thankful for!).

    It was most certianly the best gift that I received. -CS

  16. sexywhispers November 27, 2007 at 8:39 am #

    Unshaved legs? Damn….the bain of all womens existence! Oh well…least we dont have jock itch! Happy Birthday.~~Dee

    Very valid point! I can live without that! -CS

  17. Patrick H. November 27, 2007 at 3:23 pm #

    Others have said this already, btu… He wouldn’t have noticed or cared about unshaven legs.

  18. Del-v November 27, 2007 at 3:51 pm #

    Cool photo. Is that you making out in that car?

    How awesome would it be if it actually was me in the car? Sadly, it is not. The photograph is by Matthew Dols. He has some pretty sweep pictures. -CS

  19. Guv'ner November 27, 2007 at 4:49 pm #

    Yeah dude, he wouldn’t have cared. Or noticed. All he notices about your legs is if they’re spread wide enough! I mean duh. 🙂

    This may be a valid point. . . -CS

  20. Skipper Todd November 27, 2007 at 5:05 pm #

    A couple questions/observations, if I may. First, though, wonderful post. You did an excellent job of capturing the moment.
    The leg shaving thing, maybe, possible could it have been a subconscious move to avoid the evening ending in a hook-up?

    “We will not call each other, we will not email each other. And I’m okay with that. ” WTF, over?!?! You describe a kiss that makes every woman reading this shudder, and follow that up with a declaration of indifference?! Are you really OK with that? You wouldn’t like to hear him say it is great to hear your voice? Don’t want to curl up under the covers with the phone and have him purr good night to you? What is so wrong with saying you’d love to talk to him? Is it so bad to care/long/desire for another’s attention and love?

    Now, taking both the leg non-shaving and the professed ambivalence for communication into consideration, could it be that you like this guy more than you care to admit and don’t want him to view you as a simply booty call?

    My dear, dear, Skipper Todd. You bring up an interesting point. Don’t you know that part of what makes the whole kiss so sweet is the recognition that it can never be more? You see, back when I met Notebook (about 3 and a 1/2 year ago), I was under some odd delusion that we might give it a go. We hooked up a year after we met, and I was sure that it was the beginning of something. I pined for him like you would not believe, I persued him, and nothing happened. Nothing. It took me months to realize that it wasn’t going to happen, that we would never be more than friends. But friends with this incredible chemistry.

    Life is weird sometimes. If I had the chance today, would I give it a go with him? Probably not. I don’t think that he would be right for him. I’m looking for more than he can give me – at least what I think he can give me based on past experiences. That being said, I’m still drawn (physically) to him like a moth to a flame. I can’t imagine a time when he would not have the same pull on me, the same impact. And yet, I truly believe that part of what makes the whole thing so smoking hot is that it will never be more than it is now. -CS


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