Thanks Mom

9 Nov

My mom is so warm and loving.  Seriously, check this out.  The other day I went over to my mom’s house for “pizza”.  By “pizza” I meant “playing with my ipod while she asks me rambling questions and feeds me.”  It was super great!  We were sitting downstairs in the kitchen enjoying our healthy dinner of pepperoni pizza.  During this time, I explained how it was so cold that I had decided to wear some fleece pants which I would also sleep in.  At which point, I stood up and did a model walk for her. 

The following conversation took place after I sat back down:

  • Me: Sometimes it’s nice to be lazy.

  • Mom: Especially when it’s cold out.  Still, you don’t usually go out dressed like that.

  • Me: It’s not like I have anyone to impress over here. I don’t exactly think that some gorgeous knight in shining armor is going to suddenly knock on the door to ask to use the phone, so who cares what I wear.

  • Mom: Good point.

  • Me: I thought so.

  • Mom: So?  Are you still going to the gym?

  • Me: Wait.  Why would you ask me that?

  • Mom: Just wondering.

  • Me: No you’re not!  You tell me right now!

  • Mom: Well. . .it just looks like you’ve put on a few pounds.

  • Me: No it doesn’t!!  My clothes still fit!

  • Mom: Sure they do.

  • Me: They do!  Why would you say that??

  • Mom: You just were looking so nice and thin.

  • Me: It’s the pants.  These fleece pants.  And the bulky wool sweater.

  • Mom:  Right. . .

  • Me: Well, I certainly do feel better now.

  • Mom:  More pizza?

20 Responses to “Thanks Mom”

  1. Rambler at 4:16 pm #

    I am sorry, this may sound like a stupid question, but I always wanted to ask this to a girl, does pounds matter so much??

    It depends on the number. I like to pretend that pounds aren’t that important, but then I also lie about my weight and pretend that I weigh less than my 132 pound St. Bernard. -CS

  2. Step Right Up at 4:23 pm #

    Can I just comment on Rambler’s comment?

    Yes, pounds matter if someone tells you you look like you’ve added them.

    You know how they say “kids say the darndest things”? Well, I’d like to say “moms say the crappiest things”.

    Mom’s are really special sometimes. -CS

  3. Rambler at 4:27 pm #

    “step right up”, Can I ask to you too..?
    why does it matter so much?,
    I mean, that would be the last thing I would look at when I meet/see a woman, I mean there are so many other things..

    No one tells us that. Instead, they tell us that guys like skinny women. I am by no means a fat girl. I am curvy, but because I’ve heard for so many years that boys like skinny girls, I have a complex. There are very few women out there that run around telling people their actual weight, however, we convince ourselves that if we weighed a certain amount that you guys would like us better.

    Speaking as a single woman, this is something that I lead myself to believe: if I dropped 10-20 pounds, I’d be far more popular with the boys. It doesn’t matter that guys tell me that I’m out of my mind for thinking that. I can’t help myself. -CS

  4. Rambler at 4:57 pm #

    When you say no one?, whom are you referring to?, guys you meet?, other girls?, or just a feeling women have?.
    believe me, there are many guys out there, which give a lot of more importance to many other things than weight..
    A great smile, intelligence, passion, likes, interests, and many more would come much before weight..

    Guys. My guy friends. I’ll give you an example: they’ll say I’m so great and blah, blah, blah. Then the second a girl that weighs about 6 pounds walks by, they say that she’s incredibly hot and has a gorgeous body and how much guys love a gorgeous body. See? They don’t mention how smart or interesting she looks. -CS

  5. Rambler at 5:23 pm #

    you know what you really missed the que there I guess.

    see they said you are great and the other hot, so what if the other person is hot, I think its “great” that matters.

    Ok assuming that they indeed like gorgeous body better, then what happens down the line when age takes over?, the greatness is lost from her?..

    body can attract but can never sustain.. its got to be the intellect that sustains.

    [sorry for a little strong opinion, just a topic which I have thought a lot about.. :)]

    I’m not sure that they’re particularly looking to have a long term relationship with this type of girl. They just want to see her naked. A guy that I once knew in college told me that there were 2 types of girls, the ones you bed and then ones that you wed. He said that I was the type you wed. That’s all fine and good, but I would love to be the object of some hot guy’s dirty little fantasies (that didn’t first require 2 weeks of dating). -CS

  6. Jenna at 5:50 pm #

    I know exactly what you mean, CS. No matter how much they tell you how pretty you are or that they like your body with all its curves, and no matter how much you want to believe them, you just can’t. There’s this annoying mental block that won’t let you believe them. It’s so annoying.

    It really is annoying. Therapy doesn’t even help. Trust me, I’ve tried. -CS

  7. Pistols at Dawn at 6:33 pm #

    There’s just something about women – American women at least – where they can never feel comfortable in their own bodies. I don’t know if it’s the fact that every woman on TV, in a movie, or on the cover of Cosmo is a size 0-2, but there is a misconception that we love the skinny women.

    I’ve always dated women who are most Ruebenesque, because I like eating and she should, too. I don’t want to feel guilty every time we sit down to eat when I order a steak and she just nibbles at the parsley that comes with it. And also, women have enough body image issues without my contributions.

    I think most dudes prefer curves to bone, because having a bony elbow bump into on the couch or trying to get excited grabbing onto a bony ass just isn’t going to happen.

    I love the term “rubenesque” but would cry if someone said it about me. Before I started dating Mr. Big X, he once made a comment that he preferred “full figured women”. I knew that he was talking about me and it hurt my feelings like you wouldn’t believe. It was probably his way of telling me he didn’t like skinny girls, but that’s also a way to say, “Hey, CS, you’re not skinny.” Ouch, it hurts and I’ll never forget it. -CS

  8. Pistols at Dawn at 6:35 pm #

    Also, CS, when you first see someone, all you have to be attracted to are looks. You don’t look at someone and say, “With cans like that, I bet she reads the short fiction of John Cheever.” Plus, it’s easy to say, “She’s hot.” It’s a lot more difficult to say, “But what I really like is a sense of humor.” Y’all do the same thing, too. It’s no different.

    You haven’t seen my cans, they are very smart. Not only can they read, but they can type 60 words per minute. And you can tell just by looking at them. -CS

  9. abroad at 6:44 pm #

    My mother is nothing like that, she doesn’t eat pizza, wear fleece or think very highly of people who do (me), but she moved to Florida and I miss her anyway.

    Moms. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. -CS

  10. Amadeo at 7:00 pm #

    It’s funny how the weight thing works in different directions the girls I know are trying to lose the dudes I know try to gain. My Ace is on a never ending quest to weigh more than 150 pounds…meanwhile most of the women I know would feel horrible if they weighed that much.

    Yes, it is strange how that all works out. . . -CS

  11. Step Right Up at 7:39 pm #

    Even if a girl is thin, she still feels pressure to remain thin. I find it dreadful when other women delight in another woman gaining weight or whisper among themselves, “ooh, I remember when she use to be so thin.” or something to that effect.

    I think women put enough pressure on themselves from what they see on tv and in magazines or hear from men. We don’t need to also have it thrown at us by our own sex.

    And, fat does not equal smart nor does thin equal stupid.

    I am very guilty of this. G.U.I.L.T.Y. -CS

  12. Deadspot at 8:15 pm #

    I’m going to take my patented catchphrase service on the road and offer you this one: “like banging a bag of elbows.” Think of it the next time you see an obnoxiously skinny woman, and then laugh. Pointing is optional.

    That’s a good one. I’m going to remember that when I go out this evening. -CS

  13. Red at 8:43 pm #

    I actually like my body pretty well, and between not being able to afford food during grad school and the depression of my last breakup, I weigh a few pounds less now than when I graduated from college. However, I don’t have a rack to write home about, and I know you do, so look at the girls and take heart.

    My ex, bless his heart, used to tell me that my girls were perfect. He believed it, too. My boyfriend doesn’t feel that way. Not that he’s ever complained, but I can just tell b/c of comments about others. He seems to be happy with my overall look, but should that even matter to me? Thanks to the guys who’ve said on these comments that it doesn’t matter as much as other things, and no matter what your particular look is, it’s likely there are guys who dig your look.

    I was a reasonably cute kid whose mother took great care with my appearance, and when in public I got lots of “arent’ you cute.” I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was 7 or 8 because I thought I would fall down and get scraped up and no one would think I was pretty anymore. For real. In many ways, this is a pretty screwed up, Mary Pipher, Ph.D. says “girl killing” culture. If you’re so inclined, her book _Reviving Ophelia_ is quite a read.

    I’ve heard great things about the book. Perhaps I’ll pick it up and read it.

    Lola and I took our racks out and promptly discusses how much better we were than some of the skanks that were out last night. We just can’t help doing it. It’s ingrained. -CS

  14. Guv'ner at 9:16 pm #

    Didn’t you point out that it’s your winter coat coming in? Your extra layer of “blubber” for those cold December nights? It works for me every time. If that fails you can try, “Yes mom, I might be big boned but I can diet, you will always be 25 years older than me!”

    Oh mean…

    I like the part of the winter coat, I’m going with that. -CS

  15. Pistols at Dawn at 10:01 pm #

    This point’s probably beaten to death, but looks only get us across the room to say “hey.” If you can’t hold our attention once we’re there, looks don’t matter at all. They are to dating what the SATs are to college: they’ll limit or expand your initial choices, but the instant you’re there, they don’t matter at all.

    That’s a very interesting analogy. I’ll have to remember that one. Seriously, though, if we’re just looking for a diversion, don’t we only need to hold your attention for like an hour. -CS

  16. Leonesse at 4:22 am #

    Pistols. I am impressed. Yay for you.

    And as someone who needs to rid herself of some stress to gain abit of weight, I can attest that my hubby likes me with abit more meat on my bones. And fully agrees with what Pistols has said.

    I wish I had to gain some weight. That’s never been a problem for me. -CS

  17. Leonesse at 4:25 am #

    Oh, and my mother…

    “You are getting too thin. Are you on drugs?”

    Yeah, and thanks for moving to Florida where I haven’t spoken to you in 2.5 years.

    The most precious gift of all. Space.

    BWAHAHAHA!! That’s funny! -CS

  18. Suzel at 12:16 am #

    I hadn’t seen my mom in over a year and when I stepped off the plane the first words I heard were “LOOK HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU’VE GAINED”. Everyone getting off the plane turned around to look at me.

    Nice mom. I’m thumbing through a little book titled “The Worst Nursing Homes in America”.

    My sister and I always threaten to put my mom in one of the state run Nursing Homes, those are really bad. -CS

  19. hanmee at 4:34 am #

    1) My mom used to always sling fat insults when we were fighting (this was during my adolescence, early adulthood). Then after I lost a bunch of weight, she told me I shouldn’t be so obsessed about my weight and that other things were more important (you mean, all those qualities I was cultivating when I was fat? implying I don’t have them?).

    She would constantly offer me food, and I would automatically turn it down. But the few times I would pick up something, as soon as my fingernail grazed the food she would say “don’t eat too much”.

    My mom can actually tell whether I’ve lost/gained 2 lbs. It’s very annoying.

    2) I’m not curvy, just fat. The ONLY place I don’t have an excess accumulation of fat is my chest – what luck!

    3) I definitely got hit on a lot more the brief time I was skinny. It was actually quite shocking for me because since I grew up fat, I never experienced this sort of thing. Suddenly, different random guys would come up to me in bookstores, be in the next car and follow me until I pulled into wherever I was going and ask me out. It always seemed to take me until the obvious point of them asking me out to realize what they were doing. Anyway, that’s why it matters so much. Sure, it’s not the only thing that matters, and it may “only” get people to cross the room for someone, but if they never cross the room in the first place, the meeting doesn’t happen. Thank God I’m married.

    Though, yes, I would like to be skinny again. It was nice actually liking how I looked.

    Life as a skinny person is very different. When I was in college, I went from a size 8 to a size 2, oh how my life changed. I tramped it up like you would not believe. Those were some really magical times. -CS

  20. Staci at 2:29 am #

    I can really relate to this.

    First, let me preface this by saying that I, as well as my whole family, have more than a few extra pounds to lose.

    A few weeks ago, I went to dinner with my parents (which is already every single girls dream). The place we went to just happened to have this honey mustard that is PERFECT for fry-dipping. As I sat there, enjoying my fries, my dad looked at me and said “Do you really think you need that?”. I was horrified. When have I NOT dipped my fries in something? Are the fries without the dip really that much better? BTW dad, your chicken alfredo has about 1,000 more calories than my entire meal does.

    Yeah, I’m chunky, but seriously…does he really think his comment about me eating something ISN’T going to make me want to drive to the nearest store for some Ben and Jerry’s? Sheesh!

    Parents really can be so very supportive sometimes. I wonder why we don’t turn the tables on them and do the same thing they do to us. Let’s revolt, people! -CS

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