Hairy McBacksweat: Super Sissy

9 Nov

Back when I was fat and going through hard times, dating Hairy McBacksweat seemed like a good idea.  Sure, I had a hot boyfriend, and Hairy McB had just separated from his wife-but it all seemed like a good idea at the time.  Did I mention that I was fat and going through hard times?

One of the qualities that he had that I didn’t care for (aside from the sweating, and back hair), was how sensitive he was.  Personally, I hate talking about my feelings and try to avoid it at all costs.  Yes, I feel things, no, we don’t need to talk about it.  Hairy, on the other hand, felt it was important to discuss feelings until he was blue in the face.  It was annoying and it made me angry. 

For a long time, he only showed his sensitive side to me.  Then, a few weeks after we broke up, I found out from his roommate, that Hairy was just as sappy with him.  As his roommate, the Ruddy Sailor, and I were emailing one another, he shared the following story with me.  I’ve kept the email for 4 years because it cracks me up each and every time.  Enjoy!

I work Monday nights at the bar and basically come home, go upstairs rest for a little while and then leave.  Well, last week, he came home as I was putting on my shoes and then I rushed into the kitchen.  Of course, he thought that I was mad at him or something, because I didn’t say HI or something and tried to talk to me.  He stayed in the TV room and continued to talk to me while I was in the kitchen and couldn’t hear anything he said.  Then he leaned into the kitchen and said, “What’s the matter? Not talking to me today?” 

Well, I was immediately furious, because first of all nobody says that to a guy except a girlfriend or your mother!  I gave him a look like I was going to kill him and his firstborn and asked him what the hell he was talking about.  Then he just ran downstairs. 

So I immediately was the bad guy again, and had to send him an e-mail apologizing for my actions and telling him that I would be coming home that day and taking a nap.  And being in my room doesn’t mean that I am mad or trying to get away from him, just that I am exhausted.  -He thanked me for the e-mail and felt so much better!  I fully realized at that moment that we were dating.  It still freaks me out.

10 Responses to “Hairy McBacksweat: Super Sissy”

  1. The Idea Of Progress November 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm #

    John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy, once said something I’ve always thought was funny. “Men only like to touch each other in two ways, and one is with a clenched fist.”

    Did the other way have anything to do with peen to peen touching? -CS

  2. Step Right Up November 9, 2007 at 4:28 pm #

    When I’m out with one of my best girlfriends Scarlett, she makes me feel like we are dating because she gets all jealous if I pay attention to anyone else (including our shared friends) but her. She once even said to one of my relatives, “Does she not want to be alone with me?” because I had invited another friend over besides her at the same time. Gasp!

    It totally cracks me up when friends do that. I like to make fun of them when they start getting all possessive. -CS

  3. [Cherry] Ride November 9, 2007 at 5:05 pm #

    So what exactly was it about this guy that you found atractive?

    I can’t remember. It was a long time ago. I think it was that he paid attention to me. I was weak back then. -CS

  4. Suzel November 9, 2007 at 6:09 pm #

    Ugh! I’m with you on the emotions/feelings things. I don’t necessarily want to share every emotion or hear all about yours either. My friend is very proud that her husband cries at almost all sad movies. If my husband did that I think I would start beating him. I say, ugh, again!

    The other night I was watching an episode of Clean House on the Style Network. The husband cried about 15 times during the show. It was embarrassing! How on earth can someone stand all those tears?? -CS

  5. Pistols at Dawn November 9, 2007 at 6:38 pm #

    I dated a girl once who would often say, “No, let’s talk about our feelings,” to which I’d say, “Is that code for ‘you want to talk and I’ll pretend to listen?'”

    Apparently, it was, but I wasn’t supposed to say that. Blah blah, the greatest gift you can give your partner is a moratorium on stories about work and the stupid crap you’re thinking.

    Un-boyfriend used to date a girl that would force him to talk about his feelings to the point that each would be come totally uncomfortable. She said that’s what led to intimacy. All this time I thought that nudity led to intimacy. -CS

  6. abroad November 9, 2007 at 6:41 pm #

    I think the best part, and it is most telling about you, is that you have kept this email for times when you need a good laugh. Thanks for sharing!

    It’s totally amusing. Foxy Luv enjoys reading it from time to time as well. Oh how I love making fun of other people. It brings me such joy. -CS

  7. Amadeo November 9, 2007 at 7:07 pm #

    What next…will he want to have groom parties and buy underwear for the groom to be. Has the world gone mad? Someone needs to hit dude in the fleshy patch where his nuts used to be. Me and my friends talk about our feelings it goes like this:

    How does it feel out?
    Kinda chilly.

    Or how about this: I feel hungry. That’s okay with me. Anything beyond that and you begin to lose points. -CS

  8. Guv'ner November 9, 2007 at 9:08 pm #

    Oh Jeeze. I hate that. I hate feelings. I only have two: “Extreme annoyance” and “homicidal” and I am happy to discuss either of them with the offending party and a machete.

    That last line of the roommate’s email made me pee. 🙂

    The last line makes me want to pee too. He’s very amusing to me. Also, he doesn’t have a lot of feelings so that’s a huge bonus. -CS

  9. Jen November 10, 2007 at 12:10 am #

    I appreciate when the men in my life are emotionally available versus emotionally stunned, but if I wanted to date an over sensitive person, really, I would date girls! Men should be men, that’s all I’m saying.

    Men should be men with manly bodies. -CS

  10. Leonesse November 10, 2007 at 3:36 am #

    Oh, dear lord. You have got to be kidding me. And I feel bad when I am having an emotional moment and I freaking apologize for the few times I have had them out loud.

    It’s really nice, right?? -CS

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