Archive | November, 2007

My Shameful Secret

29 Nov

I’ve found some time to write a little something-something.  There’s something that I need to get off my chest.  I swore up and down that I would take this to the grave with me, but I have to tell someone.  It’s bad, it’s really bad, and it’s really hard for me to write this down.  I feel as though putting this down is going to make it more real than it already is.  I’m regretting it, but just couldn’t say no.  I couldn’t resist.

Yesterday morning, before my trip, I downloaded I Love U by Tila Tequila.  It’s bad enough that I watch A Shot of Love, now I’ve gone and actually paid for something that will bring her wealth.  Sure, it was only $.99, but it’s still so wrong!!  Yet, I couldn’t resist it-the tune is just so catchy.  Plus how could you say no to such quality lyrics as, “You Betta Obey If U Want My Nookie/You Betta Stop Talkin To All Them Hoochies.”

There, I said it.  Let the mocking commence.

Protected: Off Like A Prom Dress

27 Nov

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Protected: Smell You Later

27 Nov

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A Kiss Is Still A Kiss

26 Nov

kissing_in_car

“then I did the simplest thing in the world.  I leaned down. . .and kissed him.  And the world cracked open.” -Agnes de Mille

What is it about him that turns my knees to jelly?  It is unnatural the way that I feel around him, like I’m about to melt into the ground, or burst into flames.  Seriously, he drives me crazy.  We have little to talk about, and there are awkward silences about him, but he makes me flush and want to jump into his lap the second I see him.

Notebook came home for Thanksgiving, and we made plans to meet out for some drinks on Saturday night.  I was tired.  I didn’t want to go, yet I dragged myself out.  I made minimal effort in putting myself together as I was sure that nothing would happen.  I packed the girls in a tank top and tightish sweater (I did notice him staring down my shirt when he thought I wasn’t looking), and threw my jeans on over unshaven legs.  He walked in looking hot, as usual.  He always looks hot.  Always.

He bought me a drink, we flirted with one another, some other friends showed up.  We sat there for hours and I did a super job of not drooling on his jacket or his sweater.  Finally, it was time to go.  He walked me to my car.  It was cold out so I offered to drive him back to his car.  He said yes.  I pulled up in front of his car that he had parked right outside the bar.  He smiled at me and I knew he was going to kiss me.  And then he did.  And we were both sober.  Stone cold sober.

I went back and forth between 3 distinct thoughts: the desire to jump over my center console and straddle him; wanting to melt right into him; and wondering what it would be like if he just swallowed me whole.  He was so warm, his lips so soft, his hands were in my hair. He whispered, “It’s nice to see you,” while he kissed me.  Lord only knows how I managed not to die right then and there.   [My heart is beating so fast just thinking about it all.]

Having had no expectations that there could be a booty call, I was unprepared-I left the house without shaving my legs.  That meant that I couldn’t invite him home to jump into my warm bed.  Damn my unshaved legs!!  Foiled again!

We said good-bye.  We will not call each other, we will not email each other.  And I’m okay with that.  I’ll see him at Christmas time.  I have zero expectations.

A very Happy Birthday to me. . .

Happy Saturday to Me!

25 Nov

I’m so tired.  I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep.  Is it sad that it’s my first Saturday as a 34 year-old and I want nothing more than to just fall asleep?  Sad or not, it’s not going to happen.  I have to meet people out for adult libations at 9:30.  Maybe I’ll just get all liquored up and make a fool of myself.  Now that’s what I’m talking about!

At least Notebook will be there. . .I can always just stare at him and drool.  That’s worth the 20 minute drive downtown.

Protected: Skanksgiving Day Celebrations

23 Nov

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Gobble Gobble

22 Nov

Happy Thanksgiving, peeps!  May your bellies be full of high quality liquor, turkey, and pie.