I’m Lazy Today

26 Sep

I am slammed with work and don’t have time to tell you anything interesting today, even about how Lit’l Smokey asked me to go to the movies with him, or how I had him on his hands and knees in my cubicle yesterday.  Instead, I will re-post one of my favorite posts.  Enjoy!!

Life in Your 30’s: Myths Dispelled

There are things that people never tell you as you grow up. Things that you believe will change in your life once you reach your 30’s. We’ll I’m here to straighten you out.

You’ll stop breaking out.
Is there a point when they ever stop? I look nothing like a teenager, and yet my face likes to pretend like I’m still 15. It insists on providing me with a nice pimple from time to time-preferably when I’m going to be around someone that I have a crush on or in some extremely important meeting. Aren’t the hormone levels in my body supposed to change at some point? Do I have to wait until I go through menopause to have clear skin?

There will be no random hook-ups.
When I was younger, I thought that “older” people had a better hold on their hormones. In my mind, they would be able to think ahead, see what was coming, and then talk themselves out of doing it. Self respect and self control, I thought these would come with age. Apparently not. We all seem to experience the same rush that any high schooler or college kid would-only now there’s an incredible sense of desperation. It’s the “I might as well get it when I can” feeling. Let me tell you, it’s a “fabulous” feeling.

As you age, you’re better able to hold your liquor and won’t get hungover.
Lies, complete and total lies. About 7 years ago, I started experiencing this awful new thing: waking up drunk. That has to be one of the world’s worst feelings-especially if I have to spend time with the family or go to work during the day. It gets even “better” when the hangover hits about 2:00 in the afternoon. When I was in college, my hangover would consist of a minor headache. Nowadays, it consists of me enjoying one of the following: the desire to throw myself down the stairs to put myself out of my misery, wishing the waves of nausea would end so I could just die in peace, or having a panic attack in my bed because I know I’m going to puke again.

You’ll have better control of your finances.
Okay, so maybe some people do. I, however, still wonder how $50,000 a year isn’t enough to pay mortgage, electricity, gas, phone, cable, car payment, insurance, credit card payments, and entertainment expenses. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’d prefer to go out to some fancy restaurant than to pay my phone bill. Those late charges really add up.

You’ll have a family of your own.
Guess what? That knock on my door at the age of 30, you know the one with the instant husband and kids, seems to have stopped by when I wasn’t home. When I was younger I would have sworn on anything that I’d be married with kids by the time I was 25. When I was 25, I was convinced that it would happen by the time I was 30. At 30, I was thinking maybe 33 would be for me. Now at 33, I’m thinking that maybe 40 will work out. Wonder at which point one stops hoping for this?

I’m very much looking forward to what my 40’s will bring. And when I say that “I’m looking forward” to it, I mean I’m totally dreading every second.

2 Responses to “I’m Lazy Today”

  1. Pistols at Dawn September 26, 2007 at 10:14 pm #

    Your face still looks like you’re 15? So…what are you doing this weekend, Catherinette? You know, I can drive a car AND legally buy cigarettes. We should hang out, maybe I can buy some Boone’s farm…

    Wait a second, I just read the title of this post. On second thought, I have nothing of value to offer you.

    You had me at “Boone’s farm”. -CS

  2. Step Right Up September 27, 2007 at 3:28 pm #

    Stop breaking out? Tell that to the pimple in the 30+ crease that runs from my nose down along the side of my mouth. You know, that crease they say we’ve earned because we’ve had a great life of laughing and smiling. B.S.

    Family of my own in my 30’s? Oh really? Where are they? A few years ago I actually started feeling a tinge of desperation and looked online at pictures and profiles of men willing to donate the needed shtuff for us unmarried, non-kid havin’ desperate females wanting to have a baby. Don’t worry, I didn’t utilize the service but I certainly wouldn’t judge if someone did use it.

    If it isn’t pimples it’s wrinkles, or a combination of pimples and wrinkles. The one thing I’m very thankful for is the fact that I’ve never had a cold sore. Thank freaking God for that.

    As for the donors, I have one available if needed. While Un-boyfriend and I had once discussed having kids together, at some point I realized that it would be better to mate with a baboon. -CS

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