Archive | 8:39 pm

This Week’s Top 10 Search Terms

21 Sep

Once again, I present you with the most random search terms that led people to Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me:

  1. boyfriend calls me a whore
  2. out out damn spot
  3. darning egg
  4. dirties whore
  5. disguise fresh pimple
  6. laptop out of coconuts slit my wrists [What the hell was this person searching for and how on earth did they end up here with those search words?]
  7. molly ana1
  8. skank girl
  9. somebody please kill me
  10. woodshop accident pictures [umm. . .I don’t remember ever mentioning woodship accident pictures, but thank goodness they landed here.  I hope they found what they were looking for.]


21 Sep

Cops 2.0 just took place outside my house!!  It was so freaking scary that I had to leave and have to sleep over at my sister’s house.  I’ll provide the details tomorrow.

I Have a “Head” for Business

21 Sep

My friend, Claude, and I were emailing the other day, and he informed me of a special agreement that our friend, Mary* Diva, had made with her boyfriend.  Mary Diva is a delightful young Mary whom I find to be extremely entertaining.  She is your stereotypical gay man: she knows every single showtune in the world, loves fashion, worships Victoria Beckham, and has 2 Chihuahuas (plus outfits for each one).  Last month she made an incredibly sweet deal with her boyfriend. In exchange for 1 blow j per night for a month, Mary Diva’s boyfriend would present her with this Juicy Couture rabbit fur trimmed hoody.  I hate Juicy Couture and think all the things are both lame and trampy, but I think Mary Diva is on to something.  You see, this hoody costs $675-that’s equivalent to a little over $21 per bartles & jaymes.  That’s not too bad.

This got me thinking: could I do this for other fashion products?  The answer: yes.  I am now starting my own business called Fellatio for Fashion, and there will be a small subdivision called Hand-jobs for Handbags.  It’s genius!!  In exchange for couture, bj’s and hj’s will be provided. 

I want a Chloe bag, god damn it, and I’m willing to work for it. 

*Claude and I have a mutual friend who is gay.  It was this friend who told us that we must refer to all gay men as “Mary” and use “she” instead of “he”.