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Comcast Sucks Dead Puppies

17 Sep

rage.jpg

I hate Comcast cable company with a fiery passion.  They are rat bastards and I wish to god that we had more competitors in the area so I could cancel my stinking cable.  Sadly, girlfriend has to get her fix of Prison Break and Nip/Tuck.  I’ve had problems with them for ages and ages.  Just recently something caused the DVR to get all jacked up.  All my recorded shows mysteriously disappeared PLUS I can’t record a god damned thing.  This has been going on for a few weeks, and after realizing that I’m paying for a service that doesn’t freaking work, I decided to call Comcast last night to get it straightened out.

First, I have to make my way through the stinking automated service.  They send their stupid signal, I unplug the stupid cable box, and wait 15 minutes for someone to pick up the phone.  Sally Worthless finally picks up, and I explain the issue.  She then tells me that I have to wait 20 minutes and then call back if the problem doesn’t resolve itself.  I explain to Sally that the issue hasn’t resolved itself the last 3 times I’ve tried it over the last month and she says that we still have to wait because they just sent the signal, have a nice evening, and is there anything else she can do for me.  Aside from shoving it, I can’t think of anything and hang up. 

Realizing that it will take forever to get someone on the phone, I immediately redial.  Twenty minutes pass and the following conversation takes place:

  • Comcast: Hi, this is [insert the name of someone who can’t give 2 shits about why I’m calling].  How can I “help” you?
  • Me: Hi, Slappy, this is Catherinette Singleton calling-I’m the account owner.  I’m having trouble with my DVR.  This has gone on for several weeks now.  I’ve already requested the signal, unplugged the power cord, waited 20 minutes, and nothing’s changed. 
  • Comcast: Let me get some information from you and I can pull up the account.
  • Me: [I give out my information while thinking, “Why must they ask me this when I have to type in my freaking info to be connected with anyone?”]
  • Comcast: Who am I speaking with?
  • Me: Catherinette Singleton, the account owner.
  • Comcast: Thank you Ms. Thinkerton. And you’re having problems with your cable?
  • Me: It’s Singleton, and it’s my DVR, it’s erased all my shows and I can’t record anything.
  • Comcast: That’s probably because you just unplugged the cable box and it’ll take some time for it to reset.
  • Me: Well, no.  You see, this is a problem that’s been going on for some time.
  • Comcast: Like 15 minutes or so?  It’ll take some time for the cable to reset itself after it’s unplugged.
  • Me: No, for a few weeks now.
  • Comcast: Oh.  Let me resend the signal.
  • Me: No, that’s not necessary, the signal has been resent twice. 
  • Comcast: Oh. . .Okay, I’m going to have to send someone out to check the box.
  • Me: Are you serious?
  • Comcast: Yes, let me see when we have some time available. [5 minutes go by.] Would you like to sign up for our service protection plan?
  • Me: What’s that?
  • Comcast: For $2.95 a month, you can sign up so any service visits are “free”.  Otherwise, if we have to send a technician out, it’s $24.95 per visit.
  • Me: Are you serious??  When did you start charging for service visits?
  • Comcast: 60 days ago.  Would you like to sign up?
  • Me: Let me just clarify: you’re telling me that I either have to pay you $2.95 right now, or you’re going to charge me $24.95 to take off a day from work, so I can sit around and wait to have one of your people come over to my house to fix a problem that is caused by a faulty cable box?
  • Comcast: That’ correct.
  • Me: What if I want to downgrade my service.
  • Comcast: There’s a fee.
  • Me: Is there anyway around any of those stupid fees?
  • Comcast:  You can drop off the cable box at our local office and get a new one there.
  • Me: You mean your “local” office that’s 45 minutes away from me?

What the hell??  I was so freaking pissed last night that I almost reached through the phone and strangled him.  Now I have to leave from work early one day this week, sit in rush hour traffic, and suffer the torment of the damned because I’m not freaking paying any of their stupid service fees to fix something that I didn’t break.

Rat bastards.

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17 Sep

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