Archive | 4:59 pm

Round 1: Rational Me vs. Shallow Me

24 Aug

Ladies and Gentlemen: a miracle has occurred.  The virgin of Guadalupe and the angels above have bestowed magic upon the earth and granted me a date.  I, Catherinette Singleton, went on a real live actual date last night.  It’s true!!  People, we went out for a drink downtown.  It was a real date.  An actual date. He was one of the few decent guys at that speed dating thing that I went to a few weeks ago.  I had found him to be cute, and was quite pleased to find out that we had been matched together.  We exchanged a few emails, he asked me out on email 2, he called me to firm up the plans, and we met up last night.   

He’s smart, he has a really interesting job, and seems to have a good head on his shoulders!  He has his undergraduate degree from Berkley, and a graduate degree from Princeton.  He’s an international specialist for the Army, speaks a foreign language, and has lived in a number of countries.  We both grew up in California, our sisters studied the same thing.  He’s well mannered, seems to be well off, owns his own home, and we had absolutely zero chemistry. Not one teeny tiny spark.  Nothing.  Zilch.  Nada. I was too focused on how he wasn’t as cute as I had remembered him to be.  Thanks for that stupid “mood” lighting, speed dating organizers.  Oh, and his terrible black sneakers.  Still, I thought I could get passed the sneakers-he could be taught about better shoes.  It seemed like he could certainly afford them.  If only I could talk myself into wanting him.  It’s as if the rational side of me (that wants a good healthy relationship) was battling it out with the shallow me (who wants a hot hotty that’s hot and smokey).

  • Rational Me: You like him.

  • Shallow Me: No, I don’t.  

  • Rational Me: Yes, you do.  You want him.

  • Shallow Me: No, seriously, I don’t.

  • Rational Me: You could want him.

  • Shallow Me: No, I don’t think so.

  • Rational Me: Come on!  Give this guy a chance!  He’s a total catch.

  • Shallow Me: Not hot enough.

  • Rational Me: Stop being so flipping shallow!  This could be the guy for you. He’s so smart, cultured, sophisticated, gainfully employed. . .

  • Shallow Me: And not hot enough.

  • Rational Me: Maybe he’s the type of guy that has to grow on you?

  • Shallow Me: He’s not doing anything on me.  No.

I tried to imagine having sex with him.  Yuck.  How about just a kiss?  Still yuck.  While he was sitting across from me, telling me about his interesting life, I willed myself to like him.  I would stare at him and say, “Like him!  Like him right now!”  Nothing happened.  He asked me questions about myself, then I asked him to tell me more about himself.  He would tell me stories about interesting things that he had experienced, I would think, “Find him attractive.  Do it!  Right now”  Nothing!  I spent half the time trying to talk myself into liking him, and it just wasn’t working. I guess I don’t like to listen to myself.   

This round goes to Shallow Me. If only he had been cuter.  Damn it! 

24 Aug

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I hate wearing underwear.  Today I made the mistake of wearing “show” panties to work.  You know what I mean, the ones that are just for show.  You basically parade around in them for about 15 minutes and they they end up flung across the room.

Freaking uncomfortable as all get out.  Plus I can’t take them off because I think my stinking dress is just a teeny tiny bit see-through.  Ugh.