Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 3

16 Aug

Vladimir was not your typical dork. He did not wear glasses made in the 80’s, he did not have a comb over, nor did he wear pants that indicated he was preparing for the great flood. What made Vladimir a dork was his wicked annoying personality. He was kind of like an angry dork. When he first sat down in front of me I knew he was not the one for me, but figured that he’d at least be a break from the older creepy dorks. Yeah, not so much. Here’s my version of our conversation:

CS: I notice you have an accent. Where are you from?
Vladimir. Guess, everyone else has guessed right so far.
CS: [Playing dumb because the name and accent gave it away] Russia?
Vladimir: [Enraged by my correct response] How does everyone know that?!
CS: Um. . .I don’t know. I just guessed. [Quickly switching to a topic I thought was safer] What do you do?
Vladimir: Guess. Everyone has been right on that one too.
CS: [F*ck, I thought to myself] Well, it seems like most of the guys I’ve met so far are either in IT or they work for the government. Let’s say, IT?
Vladimir: What are you saying? That only guys that work in IT come to these things because we’re losers??
CS: Um. . .no-it’s just that it seems like people here are either in IT or the government. I just took a guess and said IT.
Vladimir: So you I can’t work for the government because I’m Russian??
CS: No! [Quickly thinking of how to change the subject] I’m sure that many of the women here are from the same field. Maybe teachers?
Vladimir: I did meet a few teachers. What do you do?
CS: I’m a Training Consultant.
Vladimir: So you’re a teacher, too?

Thankfully, this concluded our very long 4 minutes.

13 Responses to “Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 3”

  1. pistols at dawn August 16, 2007 at 4:25 pm #

    Holy crap! I’m terrified just reading that – I can’t imagine living through it. Is “Vladmir” Russian for “The Reason Mace Was Invented?”

    I personally would have played up the historical angle and said, “They call me ‘Vlad the Impaler,’ baby, because I’m hung like the horse Catherine the Great is incorrectly rumored to have died f-ing.”

    Wow, do I suck with pickup lines. Maybe Vlad and I should hang out.

  2. The Duchess August 16, 2007 at 4:48 pm #

    I think we’ve all figured out why Vlad is single…

  3. krystyn August 16, 2007 at 5:51 pm #

    It seems Vlad is a bit on the defensive side huh?

  4. monicker August 16, 2007 at 5:53 pm #

    Someone needs to tell Vlad that Angry Man Routine is not the way to win with speed dating.

  5. Del-V August 16, 2007 at 6:26 pm #

    That’s funny.

  6. The Diva's Thoughts August 16, 2007 at 7:28 pm #

    This is wild…we are both in Baltimore and both Training Consultants.

  7. Beatrix Kiddo August 17, 2007 at 1:14 am #

    Maybe Vladimir should change his job if he doesn’t want to be associated with all those ‘losers’.

  8. Mike August 17, 2007 at 2:18 am #

    Oh boy you did them all today. This guy you could have been rude too. Jerkwad.

  9. The Idea Of Progress August 17, 2007 at 4:04 am #

    I bet he’s KGB.

  10. Catherinette Singleton August 17, 2007 at 12:49 pm #

    pistols at dawn: He did mention something about going after you.

    The Duchess: Too bad he hasn’t.

    krystyn: Just a tad bit.

    monicker: It’s not going to be me. I don’t like dealing with angry people.

    Del-V: I’m glad you were amused.

    The Diva’s Thoughts: Secretly do you sit on the other side of the wall from me??

    Beatrix Kiddo: You think?

    Mike: I was too annoyed to be rude.

    The Idea of Progress: The thought crossed my mind.

  11. Mister Underhill August 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm #


    Nothing is better than someone who is angry from step one. I’m sure that’s real effective for him…and OUCH about the IT guys all being losers. Not that I can deny it.

  12. The Guv'ner August 17, 2007 at 4:46 pm #

    Haha at my last job our IT guy was called Vladimir! I could never understand a freaking word that dude said. Honestly, half the time I thought he was choking on something. Oh wait…his name was Mikael. We just CALLED him Vladimir! You know…because he was…Russian.

    Note: I found out a lot later he was actually Ukranian. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Still, your Vlad sounded more like Vlad the impaler.

  13. CoatMan August 18, 2007 at 5:32 pm #

    Ohh dear, there’s one paranoid and bitter bunny.

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