Archive | 6:19 pm

Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 5

16 Aug

Now, my friends, we come to the “best” date of all: The Trekkie!! This guy was the epitome of a dork. Seriously, I can’t imagine anyone dorkier than this poor kid. Tall, gangly, glasses, pants a little to short, very uncomfortable in his own skin, and to top it all off completely socially awkward. He kept squirming in his seat, adjusting his white socks, checking on his pleather (plastic/leather) backpack, and pushing his glasses back up his nose. I don’t know about you, but this is just not what I’m drawn to. There’s not a thing about him that made me think, “Me-ow! I have got to get me some of that.”
Oh the riveting and engaging conversation we had:
CS: Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Catherinette. [I extended my hand to shake his.]
Trekkie: [Sets down his backpack, and gives me a limp noodle handshake] Hello.
CS: So, Trekkie, what do you do?
Trekkie: Umm. . .I. . .[glances around, adjusts glasses]. . .I work in computers.
CS: [Stifling a groan] Oh, that’s nice.
Trekkie: Yeah. . .[checks on backpack]
CS: So. . .where are you from?
Trekkie: Indiana.
CS: I hear it’s nice there.
Trekkie: Yeah. . .you know. . .[shifts in his seat]. . .yeah, it’s nice.
CS: [Wanting to now bang my head against the brick wall] How often do you get to go back home and visit.
Trekkie: [Shifting in seat again and looking around] You know, sometimes. I visit sometimes. My family is there. So I go. To visit. I visit sometimes. My family.
CS: Right.
[Dead silence]
CS: Do you fly or drive out there? [Seriously, it was like pulling teeth and I couldn’t think of anything else aside from wishing the 4 minutes were up.]
Trekkie: I like to fly. Usually [adjusting glasses, then pulling up sock before checking on backpack] I drive. Gas is expensive.
CS: Yeah, tell me about it. Must be a long drive.
Trekkie: [Nods]
CS: So, Trekkie, you enjoy traveling?
Trekkie: Uh. . .traveling? Yeah. I . . . like it.
CS: Where do you like to go? [Why isn’t time up yet???]
Trekkie: To different places. You know. . .to cities. . .and stuff. [Shifts in seat again and checks on his backpack.]
CS: What’s your favorite place to go? [I’m now trying not to laugh.]
Trekkie: Oh. . .my favorite? [Shifts in seat.] Well. . .I guess. . .I don’t know. But I want to travel out of the country. I’ve never left the country before. [Shocker]
Right around here was when they announced that we were through with the event. He was my last date of the evening. After they announced that it was all over with, I was completely surprised when he said to me, “We can keep talking.” I almost said, “About what?” but I kept it inside and tried to think of something to say that might make him run for the hills. I’m not sure whether I sat there for any longer than 5 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Thankfully, Lola got my attention and I used her as an excuse to get up and walk away from him.
My parting words to him? “Live long, and prosper.”

Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 4

16 Aug

This one was the only date that made me feel dirty. It was a very strange feeling to be sitting across from a man that looks like a shorter version of my dad. I half expected him to tell me to sit up straight and to cover myself. Me not likey the feeling. I didn’t flirt with this guy, I didn’t bare any cleavage-he got NOTHING. Too freaking creepy. Seriously

My dad is actually much more entertaining than this guy. He’s really quite amusing-at least I think he is because we have the exact same sense of humor. My dad lives out on Hawaii, has a sweet ass job, and a fatty fat house. This guy enjoys budget traveling and staying in hostels. My idea of budget traveling is staying in a 3 star hotel instead of a 4 star hotel. Girlfriend doesn’t own a backpack and isn’t planning on getting one any time soon. Let’s not even discuss hostels, I stayed in one once, when I was in 4th grade. I got mono, not a happy memory.

I might have considered it for a split second if he had told me he owned a mansion in Bermuda, or a flat in London. Perhaps he could have turned out to be my sugar Daddy. . .

[I just threw up a little just thinking about it.]

Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 3

16 Aug

Vladimir was not your typical dork. He did not wear glasses made in the 80’s, he did not have a comb over, nor did he wear pants that indicated he was preparing for the great flood. What made Vladimir a dork was his wicked annoying personality. He was kind of like an angry dork. When he first sat down in front of me I knew he was not the one for me, but figured that he’d at least be a break from the older creepy dorks. Yeah, not so much. Here’s my version of our conversation:

CS: I notice you have an accent. Where are you from?
Vladimir. Guess, everyone else has guessed right so far.
CS: [Playing dumb because the name and accent gave it away] Russia?
Vladimir: [Enraged by my correct response] How does everyone know that?!
CS: Um. . .I don’t know. I just guessed. [Quickly switching to a topic I thought was safer] What do you do?
Vladimir: Guess. Everyone has been right on that one too.
CS: [F*ck, I thought to myself] Well, it seems like most of the guys I’ve met so far are either in IT or they work for the government. Let’s say, IT?
Vladimir: What are you saying? That only guys that work in IT come to these things because we’re losers??
CS: Um. . .no-it’s just that it seems like people here are either in IT or the government. I just took a guess and said IT.
Vladimir: So you I can’t work for the government because I’m Russian??
CS: No! [Quickly thinking of how to change the subject] I’m sure that many of the women here are from the same field. Maybe teachers?
Vladimir: I did meet a few teachers. What do you do?
CS: I’m a Training Consultant.
Vladimir: So you’re a teacher, too?

Thankfully, this concluded our very long 4 minutes.