Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 1

15 Aug

As you all know Lola, Muffy, and I did some speed dating yesterday. It was our first time, we didn’t know what to expect, nor did we have any idea how it would turn out. I shall break this out in a riveting 5 part expose:

The Pre-Dating Scene
Bachelor #1: Brown Poly Pants
Bachelor #2: Russian IT Dork
Bachelor #3: My Dad
Bachelor #4: The Trekkie

The rest of this posting contains the description of what happened before the dating started. Please to enjoy:

I had about 15 minutes to get ready after work before meeting up with Lola and Muffy. I cautiously checked myself out in the mirror. Cute dress? Check! Good hair? Check! Legs look good in the shoes? Check! Make-up? Check! Simone looking wicked red and angry? Check! Check!

Muffy was kind and gracious enough to volunteer to serve as driver to Greenbelt Metro Station. Sadly, it fell to me to navigate. Typically, I’m pretty good with directions. Last night, not so much. We ended up going into the city via New York Ave.-lovely and scenic route. No, really. Miraculously we ended up where we were supposed to (no thanks to me), found a good spot, and headed over to the bar.

When we walked in, my first impression was, “Where the hell is everyone?” There were all of 8 people in the bar, 2 of them worked there. We sauntered over to the bar to order us up some mojitos. Mine came complete with wilted mint! Mmm, mmm, good!! As we sat there, I noticed that there were several creepy looking men walking around, all by their lonesome. It occurred to me that they were there for the event. This horrified me. It was not what I signed up for!!

Sure, I had a feeling that we’d be hanging out with some dorks, but never in a million years did I think that we’d be hanging out with semi-retired middle aged dorks! We’re too young and cute for that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about older men-just as long as they are George Clooney or his long lost, successful twin brother. The pot bellied, balding, short man just doesn’t do it for me.

It was horrifying enough sitting there knowing that I would soon be sitting across from these men. You can imagine how delighted I was when I saw a girl walk in wearing the exact same dress that I was wearing. That’s right boys and girls: the same dress. What are the odds?? Of course, yours truly was rocking the dress, on her it looked more like a black potato sack. Thankfully, she turned around and left after about 5 minutes. I can only imagine what it would have been like having to hear, “Oh! There’s another girl here wearing the exact same thing!” That would have been wonderful.

We sat there for about 30 minutes watching more people drift in. Suddenly, the bar was packed. There was a semi-cute boy here and there. Then, they started calling for us to take our places at the tables. I made my way to the bar, ordered the world’s most disgustingly foul cocktail (I knew it was going to be bad when the bartender kept smelling the juice to make sure it hadn’t gone bad), and bravely made my way to an empty seat. We had 28 dates, each lasting 4 minutes. I know you don’t want to hear anything about the average ones are the good ones, so I will present you with the best of the worst.

I did my flipping best to flirt my ass off with the worst ones. I did it all for you, just so I would be able to entertain you with my tragic encounters. I hope you’re happy.

6 Responses to “Go, Go Speed Dater: Part 1”

  1. pistols at dawn August 15, 2007 at 8:39 pm #

    I for one am happy. I’ve always failed on my own, rather than farming it out to others, and I’m not really sure what to make of this. It feels exciting, like staring at an attractive blind woman who can’t catch your gaze and chastize you.

    So, thank you for all your hard work in advance, but I do hope you had a few winners.

    Wait, I’m a single guy in DC, too. I hope they all made you weep at the terrible state of bachelors in DC, and made you (and all of your attractive friends) ready to accept even the not-that-appealing suit of the Fairly Average!

  2. The Ambiguous Blob August 16, 2007 at 12:19 am #

    you’re such a giver! Can’t wait to read the stories

  3. monicker August 16, 2007 at 12:32 am #

    I’m rooting for the Trekkie. Yeah! Can’t wait till that story comes out.

  4. The Idea Of Progress August 16, 2007 at 4:18 am #

    You possess a level of bravery that few outside of perhaps the Navy SEALS can boast.

  5. Catherinette Singleton August 16, 2007 at 11:54 am #

    pistols at dawn: I threw myself under the bus for you p.a.d. It’s all for you.

    Ambiguous Blob: I hope you enjoy them. . .just as soon as I finish writing them.

    monicker: Beam me up, Scottie!

    The Idea of Progress: I’d like a private training session with one of those guys. I feel he could learn a thing or two from me.

  6. Mister Underhill August 16, 2007 at 3:14 pm #

    Ouch, those names are brutal. I hope I don’t get reduced down to something horrible like that by girls I stalk, er, meet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: