Archive | 5:04 pm

Zit Had To Be You

13 Aug

Lola, Muffy, Michael Kors, and I are embarking on an exciting adventure tomorrow evening: 4 minute dating. We’re off to Washington, D.C. to attempt to meet hot, eligible bachelors. Having never done speed dating before, I’m not sure what to expect. I’m guessing that one of two things will happen:

  1. We will find ourselves in a room full of single women, and 6 single guys-all of which are dorks, or
  2. There will be 4 hot guys, none of which I will be matched with.

I can guarantee the following, however, there will be a most riveting posting on Wednesday. Oh yes, my people, you’ll get the full on scoop.

Of course, I’m so excited about this adventure that I’ve decided to go ahead and break out. Woo hoo, look out DC bachelors: my pimple and I are coming to get you. Simone, as I so lovingly refer to her (she’s a frequent visitor), and I are going to charm all the single mens. They will not be able to look away-kind of like a train wreck. What really irks me is that now I’m going to have to go for super cleavage in order to draw attention from Simone. Here I was going to take it down a notch, guess I can’t now. They won’t know whether to look at my cleavage or at Simone.

Thanks, Simone. No, really, thank you. Seriously, when will this breaking out nonsense end??

Behold. . .

13 Aug

Today the “Behold” series begins. This will be a riveting and enthralling series introducing you to things that will immediately improve your life and sense of meaning.

For our first installment I introduce you to the world’s most uncomfortable shoes. Imagine walking around with bear traps on your feet. Sure, they look hot, but they are so painful that they bring tears to my eyes everytime I have to leave my desk.