No Pressure: Part 2

10 Aug

Yesterday I wrote about how my little nephew called me and told me he wanted me to have babies. Shortly after that conversation, I was on the phone with my mom. She was highly amused by the whole thing. Then the call took a strange turn. Below is a transcript:

Mom: So, I know this doctor that goes to Al-Anon to meet people.
CS: Al-Anon? The support group for friends and families of alcoholics?
Mom: There are a lot of really nice people that go there.
CS: That seems really desperate.
Mom: Well, her father is a gambler, and she’s said she’s met a lot of interesting people.
CS: Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, but no one I know is a drinker.
Mom: That’s not the point. The point is, that you go out there and you start meeting people. You’re not going to be young forever, you know.
CS: Thanks for the vote of confidence, mom. No, really.
Mom: Clearly what you’ve been doing isn’t working for you. Why don’t you try something new?
CS: Maybe I could go hang out at the bus station and see who I run into there. How about that?
Mom: This is serious!
CS: Right. Yeah. Whatever. I’ll get right on it.

I was telling my sister about the conversation last night, and she was on the floor laughing. We decided that I had been too narrow minded in my search for men. From here on out, I will open up my horizons and begin including the following as potential candidates for a long term, loving, healthy relationships:

Prison inmates
Addicts
Sexual Predators
Survivors of Extreme Abuse

Yes, it’s a good plan. I like it.

25 Responses to “No Pressure: Part 2”

  1. pistols at dawn August 10, 2007 at 1:15 pm #

    Wow. As someone who’s dated several people who strangely disappear at the same time every day for something (mumble, mumble, nonspecific), I can say what they’ve said to me: “[insert addiction] Anonymous groups aren’t exactly the mental health Olympics.”

    While it’s nice to take a social worker’s approach to dating (“Oh, you met your baby daddy in rehab? That’s okay.”), it’s really just a recipe for getting your stereo stolen and wasting a fair amount of your time.

    Good stories, though.

  2. Cinnkitty August 10, 2007 at 1:27 pm #

    Hey, if we get to vote, I’m all fr #1! Conjugal visits for the sex and then you don’t have to worry about them hogging the covers because…oh wait..they are in the CLINK! Telephone calls, emails, and a vist every other weekend. Sounds like a normal relationship to me. 🙂

  3. fishwithoutbicycle August 10, 2007 at 2:45 pm #

    That’s hilarious!! I dated someone who was in AA. Nightmare. 39years old and unable to take one iota of responsibility. Although maybe that was less about his addition and more that he is male and living in Manhattan. These days I make it a requirement to date people who can have a drink 🙂

  4. Mike August 10, 2007 at 3:12 pm #

    Your forgot all the people in anger management classes.

  5. krystyn August 10, 2007 at 3:45 pm #

    Sounds like a plan…a very bad plan. LOL!

    How old are you anyway?

  6. Catherinette Singleton August 10, 2007 at 3:48 pm #

    Pistols at Dawn: Seriously, you think that they might relapse and then steal all my stuff?

    Cinnkitty: At least I wouldn’t have to deal with any snoring.

    fishwithoutbicycle: That sounds like all of the men I’ve dated (minus the AA part).

    Mike: Yay! I can expand my list. Even more options available to me!!

    Krystn: Come on, it’s a GREAT plan!! I’m 33.

  7. krystyn August 10, 2007 at 3:53 pm #

    33 is nothing. I’m 35, 36 in 13 days. Just got married on 4/28. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be – really!

  8. Del-V August 10, 2007 at 5:00 pm #

    If you are trying to find a nice doctor to date, just go to the hospital. That place if full of ’em.

  9. pistols at dawn August 10, 2007 at 5:02 pm #

    I don’t actually think they’ll relapse. But it will lead to a lot of odd conversations and moments, and they tend to hang out only with their own while telling you it’s not a cult.

    Let me just say, it made for the Most Awkward New Year’s Eve Ever.

  10. Bert Bananas August 10, 2007 at 6:23 pm #

    Feeling as I do that I don’t have the slightest idea who or what you are, I feel compelled to offer this very sincere advice: either join the Mormon Church and become worthy of a “Temple Recommend” (seriously, that piece of paper the Bishop signs is called a Temple Recommend, not a Temple Recommendation) and then after a couple of months of TOTAL celibacy, you’ll be ‘ready.’

    Or you can take the second option, try to live a normal life and sign up with match.com. It worked for my niece. Really! And when you sign up, put my name in the ‘sponsor’ box and I get one free bang. Thanks!

  11. Grant Miller August 10, 2007 at 7:51 pm #

    Maximum security prison?

  12. Step Right Up August 10, 2007 at 8:15 pm #

    Are you good at dancing? Do you like late nights? Well, I guess you don’t really even have to be good at dancing but liking late nights are definitely required. Go work at a strip joint. The odds are definitely in your favor for finding a man there. And when you tell your mom how you met, she’ll be so proud! Just tell her you took her advice and agreed that you weren’t getting any younger and magic just blossomed at Cheetah’s.

  13. Mister Underhill August 10, 2007 at 9:43 pm #

    Finally, a girl who will give me a chance!

  14. Smart Cookie August 10, 2007 at 10:50 pm #

    Hmmm…I find the jokes about 12step support groups a little disturbing. I belong to Alanon and it is definitely not a place you go to meet people. It’s a very serious place, because for some people, it’s the ONLY safe place to talk about some of the horrible things that are going on in their lives.

    I am sorry that people don’t realize how much a place like alanon changes people’s lives. And the people that attend those kinds of meetings are people just like you and me.

    And we don’t only hang out with 12 step members, although I think those with addictions to drugs and alcohol need the programs a lot more-sometimes its the ONLY thing that keeps them from going to the bottle.

    As a child of an alcoholic, I never asked to be subjected to that kind of dysfunction, but I was an innocent bystander. My childhood had a profound affect on me and I am glad I found alanon so I don’t feel so isolated and alone when bad things happen in my family-I have someone I can call who truly understands.

    Not many people can relate and provide real solutions when your brother has been drinking heavily since he was 16 and will be turning 30 soon.

    And believe me when I say I used to wonder how people would judge me when they found out I belong to a 12-step group, I already had a good idea. Its something people in a 12step program think about often-

    I encourage all of you to think about what you said-someday addiction may enter your life and it will change everything.

  15. Cinnkitty August 11, 2007 at 12:23 am #

    Hey girlie…is it just me or has your readership suddenly developed a larger “Range” of folks? 😉

  16. The Duchess August 11, 2007 at 4:23 am #

    Don’t forget about the mall- lots of nice young boys hang out there- ripe for the picking!

  17. phishez_rule August 11, 2007 at 6:02 am #

    Wow. You have to remember, you’re standards regarding men are interfering with your ability to give them grandkids and nieces/nephews.

  18. Scary Monster August 11, 2007 at 12:10 pm #

    You could always forget about dating humans and start looking fer a little monster action.

    STOMP.

  19. The [Cherry] Ride August 11, 2007 at 9:13 pm #

    At least your mom hasn’t completely given up on you, like mine.

  20. Betty Boob Hug August 12, 2007 at 10:28 am #

    Hahahaha! This was too funny.
    Oh Mum’s. Always looking out for us.

  21. step right up August 13, 2007 at 3:45 am #

    Smart Cookie:
    I’m sure Catherinette and everyone else who has posted does not take addiction lightly. I have experienced what it’s like to have a very close relative with an addiction problem. What we are taking lightly is the idea of a mother trying to find her daughter a date in even the most unlikely of places.

  22. Princess Extraordinaire August 13, 2007 at 12:46 pm #

    Love the prison inmates….after all they can’t run away and leave you…hmmmmmm…….

  23. Catherinette Singleton August 13, 2007 at 2:22 pm #

    Krystyn: I’m definitely not in any rush.

    Del-V: I love doctors! I should just sign up to be a candy striper. Sure, I’ll be the oldest one there, but it’s great fun to dress up like a giant peppermint stick.

    Pistols at Dawn: Guess there wasn’t a champagne toast.

    Bert Bananas: Good options, but I’m gonna pass. I’ll just keep chugging along and I’ll wait to see what happens.

    Grant Miller: Is there any other kind?

    Step Right Up: Oh, I could totally work the pole!

    Mr. Underhill: You complete me.

    Smart Cookie: No offense was meant. Trust me, my family has all sorts of issues, though I choose not to write about them. I think going to Al-Anon to meet people is wrong, and my mother should know better because she’s a shrink. To me, it’s like saying, “I’m going to group therapy” to try to find a boyfriend. I’m in therapy now, I love it, and would take total offense if someone walked in and made light of it.

    Cinnkitty: When did I become so popular? I missed the memo.

    The Duchess: I hope they have mom and dad’s credit card.

    Phishez_rule: I’m so selfish.

    Scary Monster: That sounds like a wonderful option.

    The [Cherry] Ride: She loves me and thinks I’m worthy. . .of what, I’m not sure.

    Betty Boob Hug: Got to give mom props.

    Step Right Up: Thanks for that! Definitely didn’t mean to offend.

    Princes Extraordinaire: It’s nice to always know where your man is.

  24. BottleBlonde August 13, 2007 at 3:19 pm #

    What about hermaphrodites? Ever think about snagging one of them?

    I don’t know why I asked that. I guess I’m just trying to show you all your options.

  25. Annie Drogynous August 14, 2007 at 10:01 am #

    Take it from me who was married to someone whose brother was a heroin addict…that’s not the way to meet a single man.

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