Archive | August, 2007

Protected: Peace Out, Bitches!

31 Aug

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An Important Public Service Announcement

31 Aug

If you’re going to be interviewed for a news segment on the radio, consider sprucing up your grammar.  Instead of using:

“What the name of this color is?” try using “What’s the name of this color?”  This might be considered cute if you were foreign or 4, but it’s not so cute if you English is your first language.  You sound like a dumb ass.  Really, you do.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.



Just in Time

31 Aug

I’m leaving work in 30 minutes to start my beautiful vacation!  Guess who decided to show up this morning just in time to catch a ride to the Vineyard and help me stalk Jake Gyllenhaal?  Simone!!

I freaking hate you, Simone.  You are a whore and I dislike you even more than that horrid Dentyne gum. 

Another Prime Example of Un-boyfriend’s Uselessness

30 Aug

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Un-boyfriend is useless.  Several months ago, I had a minor emotional outburst and posted about Mr. Big X returning to the area from Chicago.  Un-boyfriend and I had been broken up for a few months before I started dating Mr. Big X.  They knew each other, and were civil to one another.

As it turns out, he happens to be working in the same building as Un-boyfriend.  How about that for a coincidence??  When I found out that they would be working in the same building, I was sure that Un-boyfriend would provide me with some scoop about Mr. Big X.  He would regale me with stories about how Mr. Big X had a receding hairline, an extra chin, and a pot belly.  I was looking forward to hearing all about it.

They had their first run in about 2 months ago.  Un-boyfriend saw Mr. Big X from across the gym.  They did not speak to one another, and he could not provide me with a physical description of how Mr. Big X had lost his once hot looks.  Nothing.  Not. One. Damned. Thing.  Since then, I hear that they ride in the elevator together and they pretend not to know one another.

Until today.  Below is the email exchange highlighting the interaction between Un-boyfriend and Mr. Big X:

  • UB: I just talked to your boy for the first time.
  • CS: How’d that go for you?
  • UB: Super. He said, “Hey Un-boyfriend, how are you?” I said, “Good Mr. Big X, how are you doing?” To which he replied, “Good.”

He clearly missed the memo where he’s supposed to get me all the dirt on Mr. Big X so that I can revel in the fact that his life went to shit after he dumped me on New Year’s.  That’s right, on New Year’s.  Nice guy.

Behold. . .

30 Aug

The most disgusting gum in the world. 

It’s as if the makers of Chloraseptic partnered with Dentyne to make a gum.  Promise me that you’ll never put it in your mouth.  Really, it’s for your own good.



Protected: A Coke & A Smile

29 Aug

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29 Aug

I care about setting a good example for others.  I’m very careful with what I put in my mouth (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID), and always weigh the benefits with the consequences.  That’s why yesterday I ate the following:

  • Chicken tenders with French Fries
  • 1/2 tub of medium popcorn (unbuttered)
  • 1/2 lb of Cherry Bites
  • 20 oz of fountain Coke
  • 1 apple
  • 32 oz of water

Healthy, people.  That’s what I am.  Healthy.  Let me serve as your role model.  You know you want to take good care of yourself like I take of myself. 

Protected: Things That Make Me Angry

29 Aug

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