Archive | July, 2007

Me Love You Long Time

17 Jul
I have a new favorite place for cocktails. There’s a phenomenal restaurant in the downtown Baltimore area called Ixia-it is absolutely divine. I’ve been there a handful of times, and would go every single day, if only my salary was magically doubled. The place is pricey, but everything is well worth it. Saturday night I went with Lola and Muffy for cocktails and some lite snacks. Ugh, so freaking delicious. Let’s talk cocktails first, and then we’ll get into the grub.This place has the most fabulous cocktail menu I have ever seen, and it’s a great place to get all boozy suzy. In the handful of times I’ve been there, I’ve tried several of their drinks and have come to the conclusion that they are all sprinkled with crack before they’re served. What else could explain the immediate reaction that I must have more more more immediately if not sooner? My favorite, by far, is the Strawberry Basil Mojito. It is so fresh and delicious for summer time, and will only be on the menu for a limited time. On Saturday, we tried their Magic Mojito, and you too must try it should you go. The brought us out a martini glass that had a wad of fluffy, pink cotton candy in it. Then they poured a delicious blend of god knows what over the cotton candy which caused it to melt. It was fantastic!

A few weeks ago, they also started this kick ass new concept: the Nitro Bar. Essentially, they can take any cocktail off the menu, and turn it into a sorbet by adding liquid nitrogen. This process serves to intensify the alcohol. It’s truly a wonderful thing to watch, and then enjoy. The cocktails run about $12, and the Nitro Bar runs between $15-18.
Now let’s move onto the food. They have an appetizer there that I would kill for-seriously, I’d kill someone for it, or at least stab someone with a fork. It’s ravioli filled with oyster mushrooms, and served with an English Pea Buerre Monte (pureed peas, butter, garlic, and crack-pretty sure that’s what it means). You can’t imagine how intense, and dreamy the sauce is. It’s worth picking up the plate and licking every little bit of delicious goodness right off the plate. Their Lobster Mac & Cheese is also heavenly. And don’t forget to save room for some dessert. Lola ordered the grilled summer peaches with mascarpone cheese and macadamia nut brittle, and Muffy and I split the plum upside down cake with lime creme brulee.
Seriously, start saving your money and make plans to go right away. You don’t need a reservation if you want to hang out in their fabulous lounge. Find a cute outfit that will impress the hot waiters, make friends with Trevor (the General Manger), and just go.
I heart Ixia.

An Important Public Service Announcement

17 Jul

People, please Please PLEASE wash your hands after using a public restroom. Seriously, it’s for your own safety and protection. Plus the rest of us that see you are immediately nauseated if you do not.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

An American Tragedy

16 Jul

Something so horrible happened on Saturday. I’m still reeling from the events which I am about to write down. It was an accident, but one of the most devastating that I have ever witnessed in my life. My family and I were at Wegmans doing our grocery shopping and having some lunch. On our way out, I was carrying my niece, and my sister was responsible for carrying my things. She put my coke bottle into my Michael Kors handbag-without checking to see if the bottle cap had been screwed on all the way. Half the bottle of soda emptied into poor, defenseless Michael Kors before I realized what was happening.

I went to put some things into my bag and realized that the inside of the bag was wet. As I began cursing at my sister-in front of everyone at Wegmans-and cleaning out the bag with napkins, I realized that something horrible was happening: the soda was soaking through the leather. The tears started welling in my eyes as I turned and shouted, “It’s soaking through the fucking leather!” Everyone began grabbing napkins and dabbing at the mess. My heart sank when I looked at the napkins and realized that the beautiful color of the leather was bleeding onto the napkins. It was not a pretty sight to behold. I was so upset that I had to step outside and go for a little walk on my own.

I text messaged Muffy, and she called me right away. The pep talk made me feel much better. She reminded me that “Michael Kors is an American Icon, and is resilient,” and that he’d pull through. I pulled myself together, and went back inside.

Upon my return, we decided to take drastic measures: back to Nordstrom to see if they could help. Sadly, they did less than nothing. My mother-the doctor-had to intervene. When we got back to her house, she took matters into her hands. It was a late night for her as she treated Michael Kors hoping to minimize the scarring. The results were better than I expected, however, the soda marks are still visible. This week, he’ll be going through a 2nd round of treatments in hopes of minimizing the scars.

Please pray for the speedy recovery of my Michael Kors handbag. These are trying times for all of us.

An Important Public Service Announcement

12 Jul

When you’re drunk and trying to hit on a classy, sophisticated, educated woman who is sober, it behooves you to not talk about philosophy. It’s a dead give away that you don’t know what you’re talking about when you start mentioning Aristocrates. It’s Aristotle and Socrates, dumb shit.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

Blind Item

12 Jul

Boys and girls, I have a superb little tale to tell you today. It’s all about infidelity and consequences. There’s drama, it’s messed up, and you’re going to love it. I have a friend that was dating a girl (we’ll call her Poor Soul). Poor Soul and this friend had been together for a few weeks, when Poor Souls married friend started hitting on my friend. Being the weak ass fool that he is, he decided it would be a good idea to sleep with this married woman. You see, he had never been with a married woman before, and he has a big fat problem saying no. According to him, Married Chick was all over him, and wouldn’t stop propositioning him. He figured no one would ever know, and it was the chance of a lifetime. He took the chance as he’s part dog. The condom broke.

Three days later he was at a party with Poor Soul. Guess who happened to show up? Married Chick with her husband. They all hung out together and pretended things were hunky dorry.

This all happened about 3 weeks ago. On Tuesday, he got a text message from Married Chick asking him whether or not he had. . .ahem. . .finished inside her. He said he had not. Yesterday, he got a phone call from her. You guessed it boys and girls, she’s pregnant. She’s also moving to another state in 2 weeks and told him not to worry about it as she thinks it’s her husbands.

My guess is that he’ll be hearing from her pretty soon claiming that maybe it’s his after all.

DRAMA!! My friend is a baby daddy!!

Protected: Stalk Much?

11 Jul

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. . .and Brimstone

10 Jul

First there was fire (drill) and soon there will be hail. They’re calling for hail the size of quarters up around these parts. This bites because it guarantees that my power will be knocked out yet again. That will be the 4th fucking time this year.

Why? Why must my neighborhood have such tall trees that find it amusing to land on powerlines? WHY?? It’s too hot to be dealing with that type of nonsense and I’m still tired from this weekend. Can’t I just go home and take a little nap? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I have to go home and worry about the upcoming power outage.

Stupid BGE, I hate you.