Archive | 3:47 pm

An Important Public Service Announcement

12 Jul

When you’re drunk and trying to hit on a classy, sophisticated, educated woman who is sober, it behooves you to not talk about philosophy. It’s a dead give away that you don’t know what you’re talking about when you start mentioning Aristocrates. It’s Aristotle and Socrates, dumb shit.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

Blind Item

12 Jul

Boys and girls, I have a superb little tale to tell you today. It’s all about infidelity and consequences. There’s drama, it’s messed up, and you’re going to love it. I have a friend that was dating a girl (we’ll call her Poor Soul). Poor Soul and this friend had been together for a few weeks, when Poor Souls married friend started hitting on my friend. Being the weak ass fool that he is, he decided it would be a good idea to sleep with this married woman. You see, he had never been with a married woman before, and he has a big fat problem saying no. According to him, Married Chick was all over him, and wouldn’t stop propositioning him. He figured no one would ever know, and it was the chance of a lifetime. He took the chance as he’s part dog. The condom broke.

Three days later he was at a party with Poor Soul. Guess who happened to show up? Married Chick with her husband. They all hung out together and pretended things were hunky dorry.

This all happened about 3 weeks ago. On Tuesday, he got a text message from Married Chick asking him whether or not he had. . .ahem. . .finished inside her. He said he had not. Yesterday, he got a phone call from her. You guessed it boys and girls, she’s pregnant. She’s also moving to another state in 2 weeks and told him not to worry about it as she thinks it’s her husbands.

My guess is that he’ll be hearing from her pretty soon claiming that maybe it’s his after all.

DRAMA!! My friend is a baby daddy!!