Gag Me With A Spoon!

11 Jun

Oh my gawd! I had like the most bitchin weekend in the like world. Muffy, Lola, and I all like went to see the hippest band in all like creation: The Legwarmers. Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven’t had a chance to see them-you must go! They’re an 80’s cover band and the put on a totally radical show. Seriously, promise me that you’ll go if they come to a venue near you. While we abstained from pulling out our legwarmers, headbands, and jelly shoes, there were many fans out there that were dressed for the occasion. We had planned on mocking all of those around us, however, we felt such a sense of oneness with the audience members that we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. There was an exception: Baby Tramp.

That’s right, boys and girls, Baby Tramp. It had been Lit’l Smokey’s idea to go to the concert (he’s a huge fan), so I talked Muffy and Lola into going. I figured that we’d be in the same place, and once I saw how many people there were, thought we’d never run into one another. Well, guess who spotted who in a super crowded and dark venue? Lit’l Smokey spotted the love of his life: me. He came to find me during the intermission, and spent the bulk of his time touching me (Muffy says she lost count after 10 times). The consensus: he wants me.

Anyway, he said he had spotted me from downstairs (I was on the balcony) and pointed to where he had been. As I followed his gesture, I spotted a mop of bleach blonde skank hair. “Where’s Baby Tramp?” I asked him. He gestured to the little skank. Instantly, I hated here and labeled her a tramp (I’m sure that you’re all surprised). When we went downstairs, I concentrated really hard on making sure not to stare directly at them or in their direction. This was very hard to do, but I did an excellent job of it.

I am clever and resist the urge to make a fool of myself in public-unless there’s a lot of alcohol involved.

7 Responses to “Gag Me With A Spoon!”

  1. Mister Underhill June 11, 2007 at 10:55 pm #

    Yeah, it was probably not a good idea to claw her eyes out. Yet. I am surprised he has gone so long without getting his groove on with you.

  2. Foxy Luv June 11, 2007 at 11:31 pm #

    Mister Underhill –
    I applaud you for your astute observation. Girlfriend is fine and he should be grooving with her.

    Clearly, he is intimidated by her and her hotness.

    Really – it is the same reason why it didn’t work out with CS and Hugh Grant. He was too used to that bus station skank Liz Hurley and not a quality woman. Tragic, but we all have our crosses to bare.

  3. The [Cherry] Ride June 12, 2007 at 12:03 am #

    I’ve been looking for more reasons to wear my legwarmers, headbands, and jelly shoes.

    So when are you just gonna get to it with Lil Smokey???

  4. Betty Boob Hug June 12, 2007 at 6:51 am #

    No body needs an excuse or a reason to wear legwarmers, headbands and jelly shoes.

    you just need the She Bop album by Cyndi Lauper and you’ll be all set.

    bring back the 80’s! I was hot, goddammit, hot! My knickers were bright fleuro green and I had no qualms about flashing them.

  5. Beatrix Kiddo June 12, 2007 at 12:46 pm #

    You and Lit’l Smokey should get it on while wearing legwarmers… in the supply closet!

  6. Catherinette Singleton June 12, 2007 at 2:11 pm #

    Mr. Underhill: He’s having a really hard time resisting my “charms”. Muffy told me that he spent some time gazing at my chest on Saturday. How could he not?

    Foxy Luv: Hugh Grant still wants me, he just is having a hard time admitting it to himself.

    Cherry Ride: I can’t get it on with him! I would be fired immediately if not sooner. Forbidden “love”, that’s what it’s all about. Plus you don’t need a reason to wear those things-do it up on a Tuesday night!

    Betty: You can still wear those knickers. Do it, woman!

    Beatrix Kiddo: That would be like a dream come true-just as long as we could work in the jelly shoes and a headband.

  7. Anonymous June 12, 2007 at 8:51 pm #

    First time reading your blog, love it direly. I, too, was at Rams Head Live on Saturday night, and how kick ASS was that show?!
    Now, please tell me you saw the 400 Bachelorette Parties occuring all at once. It was pretty sad.
    Love the blog. (caught you on

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