Archive | 9:38 pm

Gag Me With A Spoon!

11 Jun
Oh my gawd! I had like the most bitchin weekend in the like world. Muffy, Lola, and I all like went to see the hippest band in all like creation: The Legwarmers. Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven’t had a chance to see them-you must go! They’re an 80’s cover band and the put on a totally radical show. Seriously, promise me that you’ll go if they come to a venue near you. While we abstained from pulling out our legwarmers, headbands, and jelly shoes, there were many fans out there that were dressed for the occasion. We had planned on mocking all of those around us, however, we felt such a sense of oneness with the audience members that we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. There was an exception: Baby Tramp.

That’s right, boys and girls, Baby Tramp. It had been Lit’l Smokey’s idea to go to the concert (he’s a huge fan), so I talked Muffy and Lola into going. I figured that we’d be in the same place, and once I saw how many people there were, thought we’d never run into one another. Well, guess who spotted who in a super crowded and dark venue? Lit’l Smokey spotted the love of his life: me. He came to find me during the intermission, and spent the bulk of his time touching me (Muffy says she lost count after 10 times). The consensus: he wants me.

Anyway, he said he had spotted me from downstairs (I was on the balcony) and pointed to where he had been. As I followed his gesture, I spotted a mop of bleach blonde skank hair. “Where’s Baby Tramp?” I asked him. He gestured to the little skank. Instantly, I hated here and labeled her a tramp (I’m sure that you’re all surprised). When we went downstairs, I concentrated really hard on making sure not to stare directly at them or in their direction. This was very hard to do, but I did an excellent job of it.

I am clever and resist the urge to make a fool of myself in public-unless there’s a lot of alcohol involved.

The Role of Boozy Suzy Will Be Performed by Catherinette Singleton

11 Jun

Guess who got drunk by accident last night? Me!! I swear, I didn’t plan it-it really was an accident. I was so inspired by Muffy’s delicious Bullfrog the other day, that I decided to make one for myself. Mine had a splendid twist to it: I added fresh watermelon juice. So good! The only problem was that I added enough vodka for me, myself, and I. I’ll tell you what, it was smooth going down and I was hammered in no time at all.
Thankfully, there was no trace of the cocktail flu this morning.