Archive | 8:17 pm

What a great way to end the week. . .

8 Jun

Down with Debbie Downer

8 Jun

This morning Debbie Downer came over to my aisle to ask me a question. “What do you think about this outfit for a date?” I gave her the once over: she was wearing black Capri pants, black sandals, and an ugly ass light-colored denim shirt that not even my mother would wear. “I’d like to see you in a cuter top,” I told her. My friends agreed. “Well, I had on a super cute top that crisscrossed up at the top and blah, blah, blah, but the top looks all lame over top my pants because the waist sticks out.” She then proceeded to give us all a 20 minute monologue on how rough her life is because she’s so skinny, and she wears cheaply made pants that are all fucked up in the waist.

I should have known better than to tell her what I thought.

She’s going on a date tonight to PF Chang’s with some guy. Tomorrow night, she has a date with a different guy. Saturday night man is a pilot and dresses nicely. Friday night guy is probably a truck driver and likes to wear jeans and a t-shirt. Either way, I don’t particularly care.

She just stopped by my “office” (and by “office” I mean “cubicle”) to tell me that now she has a date on Sunday night too. She’s going to the baseball game with Friday night guy. Umm. . .I don’t care. What I do care about is knowing how on god’s green earth she has all these dates this weekend while my Friday night plans consist of going home and cleaning my house.

Bitter? Me! How dare you?!?! How very dare you?!?!

Time I’ll Never Get Back

8 Jun

An hour and a fucking half. That’s how long I was on the phone with my mother trying to solidify our fucking vacation plans this summer. We’re taking a family trip to Kiawah Beach, SC. The big question: what’s the best way to get down there with a toddler and an infant. I spent 90 minutes of my life answering (repeatedly) the following questions:

What if 2 of us drive and 2 of us take the train with the kids?
What if 2 of us drive and 2 of us fly with the kids?
What if 2 of us drive and 2 of us take the train down and then fly back with the kids?
What if 2 of us drive and 2 of fly down and take the train back with the fucking kids?
Should we all fucking drive down and stop 1/2 way at some shitty ass hotel so the kids don’t go bonkers in the fucking car?
How much are the plane tickets?
How much are the train tickets?
What if we go business class?
What if we buy one way tickets?
How much were the plane tickets again?
How much would it cost if we take coach class on the train and then fly back?

Here’s an important newsflash to my mother: I’m not a travel agent. Oh, and I have “work” to do. You have a computer at home-learn how to use it and make some of the god damned plans!!

Our resolution after all of this time “planning”? I’m glad you asked. 2 of us will be driving down on Friday with the kids and stopping half way while the other 2 leave on Saturday. We’ll all meet up in SC on Saturday. Somehow, I got picked as one of the 2 that’s going to be trapped in a car for 10 hours with the kids. How did that happen??

Protected: Un-boyfriend’s Un-lucky Travel Fiasco

8 Jun

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I Have A Bullfrog In My Throat

8 Jun

Last night, KK and I went over to Muffy’s house for a lovely dinner. Muffy has the cutest house on the face of this earth. Every time I go over there, I immediately want to move in. Oh, and let’s talk about her garden-it’s gorgeous. After being at her house and seeing your beautiful yard, going home depresses me. Pulling up to the pile of weeds in front of my house is just about enough to send me over the edge. I vaguely considered jumping out the first story window, or throwing myself down a short flight of stairs, but reconsidered. If I died, I would no longer be able to enjoy the delicious and refreshing beverage that Muffy introduced me to last night: the bullfrog.

Mmm. . .bullfrogs are DELICIOUS!! Thankfully, she didn’t have an endless supply of ingredients as I would not be here today. Instead, I’d probably be wrapped around the toilet cursing both Muffy and the cocktail flu.

Take 1 can of limeade and dump it in a pitcher, fill the same can with vodka and add it to the pitcher, then add a can of water. Stir it up and serve over ice. Muffy modified the recipe a little to make it even more delicious. But I’m not giving that away as it’s Muffy’s secret and I don’t want to be the one to expose it!!

You should plan on having one this evening-especially since it’s going to be Africa hot today. Speaking of Africa, I have an update on Un-boyfriend’s trip. Look for another posting soon.