Archive | June, 2007

Xerox This

28 Jun

One of the benefits of working in the same building for the last 8 years, and having had various office trysts, is walking past places were I enjoyed an illicit kiss or two. Years ago on a Sunday, I “made out” (see Bartles & Jaymes) with my boyfriend at the time in my cubicle. We were nearly caught by the security guard who was walking down the hallway. Once my boyfriend left town, Hairy McBacksweat and I would enjoy 30 second groping sessions in the service elevator. I still sit in the same cubicle and take the service elevator, and every once in awhile think of them.

The one place that always brings back fond memories is the 3rd floor copy room. It was there that I enjoyed a fabulous and delightful snogfest with Hugh Grant Jr. My he was fine, fine and very young. He pursued me when I he was a new hire-I said no. He kept pursuing-I kept saying no. After all, I had a boyfriend, and he was a trainee. Finally, I gave in one night around Christmas time. He came over to my apartment and we. . .umm. . .did some stuff.

About two weeks later we had both taken a day off from work and were planning on spending the day together. As I was getting ready, the phone rang. He wasn’t going to be able to make it. He was calling from the hospital in Pennsylvania-he’d broken his leg the day before during his ski trip. Damn it. Stupid skiing accident.

When he finally came back to work 6 weeks later, he hobbled down to my desk with his walker. It was a sad scene, but he still looked hot. I promised to visit him before leaving for the day. Once upstairs, he said, “Let’s take a little walk.” This amused me as he was in no shape to be walking. Anywho, we ended up in the copy room. He was leaning on the copier while I was regaling him with one of my riveting stories. He grabbed me and kissed me while I was in mid sentence.

I love the 3rd floor copy room.

And Now?

27 Jun

I’m not really sure what I expected. After writing this post, I got even more nostalgic. I wrote to him yesterday afternoon (thanks to Lauren with help in finding his email address), he replied this morning.

Hey, I’m still here. My division is now XYZ, not ABC (not sure if we had spoken since the conversion, but I guess we did if you have my new email). Still doing the same thing. We bought a townhouse in Lutherville a year and a half ago. Little Tony is getting really big, his is 2 1/2 this month and a lot of fun. No other brothers or sisters yet, but hopefully soon. Funny that you emailed, I saw someone who looked like JA the other day (I think that was her name, she sat
next to you in PSC and she married a guy from one of the teams) and I thought of you. Any way I hope all is well with you. Still at the same company, huh? Anything else going on in your life?

He seems happy. Right? And what is it that I’m supposed to do now? Do I write him back? Do I just let it go? I wasn’t really looking for anything, and it’s been such a long time. What could we possibly have in common now?

Auf Wiedersehen, Tom Cruise!

26 Jun

How you like Germany now, you psycho??

Suck it, Tom Cruise. I wish I knew how to say that in German.


26 Jun

“A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.” Edward A. Murphy

100 million years ago when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was still dating Un-boyfriend, I met a young man by the name of Tony. Tony was cute, he was funny, he was of Chilean and Argentinean descent, he was dreamy, he spoke Spanish, he was my age, he was also very taken. I was instantly smitten. Tony and I became fast friends, and I was desperately in love with him. Whenever I was with Un-boyfriend, I’d imagine what dating Tony would be like.

We worked in the same department, and whenever a new batch of associates would be hired, they automatically assumed that Tony and I were dating. I clearly remember the shock registering on their faces when they found out that I was with Un-boyfriend. “You’re with that guy?? I always thought that you were dating Tony.”

When we met, he’d been with his girlfriend for 6 years-they had met when he was a Senior in High School, and had dated pretty much throughout college. They were on the road to marriage, and Un-boyfriend and I were on the road to nowhere. We were both miserable in our relationships, and scared to get out of them. Neither one of us wanted to hurt our significant others, so we just sat around and made ourselves miserable instead. We spent countless hours on the phone discussing how the situation sucked, and what would happen if we were both single. In the morning at work, we’d tell each other about the dirty little dreams we had had about the other.

I was young, and so was he. Neither one of us knew what to do with the spark, so we did nothing.

Two years after we met, he left to work for another company. Shortly before he left, I was complaining to him (as I often did) of how miserable I was with Un-boyfriend. He said to me, “In 2 years, you’re going to be in the same place that I am. You guys aren’t going to break up you’ll end up married.” I thought about how unhappy he was, and didn’t want to find myself in the same situation. Un-boyfriend and I broke up a week later-the day after Tony’s going away party.

We kept in touch for awhile after he left, and then the time between phone calls gradually increased. He called me when he got engaged, then later that same year when his father became ill with cancer. He called me 2 weeks after his father died-just a month before he was to be married. 2 years went by, he called me out of the blue. I told him that our friend Karen had died, he told me he was a father. We ran into each other a year later, I finally met his mother. She remembered me from speaking on the phone with me so many years ago. We parted with promises of keeping in touch. Neither of us has called/emailed the other.

He was in my dream last night. Nothing exciting, he was just there. I haven’t thought about him in ages and ages. It’s strange how the mind works and how people you thought were out of your life for good are suddenly back in your thoughts.

An Important Question

25 Jun
Is it just me, or have you noticed that Milo Ventimiglia (aka Peter Petrelli from NBC’s Heroes) wants me by the way he saunters about in Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry video? Especially when he’s walking around without his shirt on-which is pretty much the entire video.
Fergie, you are genius and I thank you for the gift of a buff and shirtless Milo.

An Important Public Service Announcement

25 Jun

Ladies, stop being so disgusting in public restrooms by following these 3 simple rules:

  1. Flush the god damned toilet, don’t just walk out of the stall and assume that it flushes on its own. Even if it has automatic flushing, it make take more than one flush to get all your nonsense down the drain.
  2. If you bleed on the floor, clean up after yourself. No one wants to walk into the stall and see that on the floor. DISGUSTING!! You are disgusting!!
  3. Toilet paper belongs in the toilet, not on the floor.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

Dirty Minds, I’m a Fan

22 Jun

Lit’l Smokey has a dirty mind. This morning we were talking about vacations, and I was telling him I wanted to go to London, and was hoping my family would go along with it. He said I should take him with me. The rest of the conversation went like this:

CS: You can come in my bag.
LS: [Dead silent, grinning, suddenly begins laughing and buries his head in his hands] I thought you said something else.
CS: [Embarrassed and trying to control my blushing] What did you think I said? Did you think I said “box”? Because I said “bag”. I said, “you can come in my BAG.” You are dirty, Lit’l Smokey!!
LS: I know.

Words/Phrases That Make Me Snicker

21 Jun

I’m immature, I admit it, I just can’t help myself. There are certain words and phrases that crack me up. Below, you’ll see just a few:

fish taco
back door
roast beef

Several years ago on Foxy and I found ourselves at Heavenly Ham picking up a ham for a baby shower. We could barely contain ourselves when we discovered that the ladies in front of us were ordering box lunches. We were doubled over by the time the nice young man behind the counter asked, “Would you like a brownie or a cookie in your box?”