Archive | May, 2007

My Amazing Skills and Talents: Part 3

24 May
My Amazing Skills:
I have the ability to come up with the best nicknames in the world-especially for people that I don’t particularly care for.

Why it’s so Cool:

This particular skill is kick ass because I know how much the general public appreciates it. Yes, you think about feeling bad for the person, but then you start laughing-you just can’t help yourself.

Behold the Power of this Skill:

Example 1
The person: some little new hire I don’t know.
The nickname: Shakira
The reason: Her hips don’t lie. Poor girlfriend’s got such a pretty face and the most unfortunate thighs/hips.

Example 2
The person: A total bitchy bitch that works on the 3rd floor.
The nickname: Nell Carter
The reason: Everytime I see her I imagine her breaking into song and belting out “Gimme a break I sure deserve it It’s time I made it to the top” while dancing around in the yellow mumu I’m so sure that she has hanging up in her closet. God, I just hate her.

Protected: What a Day!

24 May

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My Lovely Lady Lumps (which will soon be covered in hives)

24 May

I have an interview at 10:00 at a local university for a position I do not want. I don’t want it, I’m over qualified-I don’t want to be an administrative assistant. And yet, I’m nervous. I was fine up until about 5 minutes ago. Soon my chest will break into hives-and won’t the interviewers enjoy a clear shot of that as I’ve thought it best to take my smoking rack to the interview with me. Ugh, I kind of feel like I’m going to hurl. Why oh why did I agree to this?

I’m this close to backing out-but that would be wrong. Boo. Don’t want to go and don’t want the stinking job.

I’ve told no one at work. Instead, I told them I had a doctor’s appointment. I wonder if it raised any red flags as in the 10 years that I’ve worked here, I’ve never left work for a doctor’s appointment. Let’s see if they catch on.

Protected: Back That Little Bus Up

23 May

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Protected: Trapped Under the Little Bus

21 May

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Protected: I’m a Lover, not a Fighter

21 May

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Buh bye! Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Ass on Your Way Out

21 May

Baby Tramp is officially on her way out, and aren’t we just so super sad to see her go. Buh bye, Baby Tramp. It’s been real. Though Lit’l Smokey was drawn to her young age, and probably cute little rack, he is not so keen on how she’s forcing him down the road to Commitment Town, USA. Lit’l Smokey hates it there.

After a solid week of sleep overs, debauched hook-ups, dinners, text messages, phone calls, etc., it seems like he’s starting to lose interest. “She’s moving too fast,” he says. “She’s pushing too hard.” Guess she shouldn’t have twisted his arm yesterday and FORCED him into going out to lunch with her and her dad-after he said no 5 times. Not a smart move, Baby Tramp. Poor young little soon to be dumped Baby Tramp.

This morning she headed back to school for a quick class at summer school, and he won’t see her again until that wedding he invited her to. You know the one-they’ll be away for an entire weekend with all of his friends in a romantic location. Poor Lit’l Smokey best do something soon or else she’s bound to think that wedding bells will be ringing for the two of them. If only he had listened to me before.

I have to admit that it’s kind of funny to see him completely freaking out over what he’s going to do.

What Happens in Vegas. . .

20 May

. . .gets aired on Wednesday nights at 10:00 on MTV. That’s right people, they’re back: the original cast from The Real World Las Vegas has been reunited. ALL OF THEM!! I predict yelling, screaming, hooking up, stupid fights, and my ass being glued to the couch each and every Wednesday night.

I freaking love you, MTV.

It’s Saturday night, I’m single, I’m at my sister’s house watching the “casting special” (how can they have a casting special when they were the original cast?). That’s depressing and that’s how I’m rolling on this fine Saturday evening.