My Amazing Skills and Talents: Part 3

My Amazing Skills:

I have the ability to come up with the best nicknames in the world-especially for people that I don’t particularly care for.

Why it’s so Cool:

This particular skill is kick ass because I know how much the general public appreciates it. Yes, you think about feeling bad for the person, but then you start laughing-you just can’t help yourself.

Behold the Power of this Skill:

Example 1
The person: some little new hire I don’t know.
The nickname: Shakira
The reason: Her hips don’t lie. Poor girlfriend’s got such a pretty face and the most unfortunate thighs/hips.

Example 2
The person: A total bitchy bitch that works on the 3rd floor.
The nickname: Nell Carter
The reason: Everytime I see her I imagine her breaking into song and belting out “Gimme a break I sure deserve it It’s time I made it to the top” while dancing around in the yellow mumu I’m so sure that she has hanging up in her closet. God, I just hate her.

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My Lovely Lady Lumps (which will soon be covered in hives)

I have an interview at 10:00 at a local university for a position I do not want. I don’t want it, I’m over qualified-I don’t want to be an administrative assistant. And yet, I’m nervous. I was fine up until about 5 minutes ago. Soon my chest will break into hives-and won’t the interviewers enjoy a clear shot of that as I’ve thought it best to take my smoking rack to the interview with me. Ugh, I kind of feel like I’m going to hurl. Why oh why did I agree to this?

I’m this close to backing out-but that would be wrong. Boo. Don’t want to go and don’t want the stinking job.

I’ve told no one at work. Instead, I told them I had a doctor’s appointment. I wonder if it raised any red flags as in the 10 years that I’ve worked here, I’ve never left work for a doctor’s appointment. Let’s see if they catch on.