Archive | 7:17 pm

Guess who’s going to be shacking up with an ex-fla…

8 May

Guess who’s going to be shacking up with an ex-flame at the Ritz Carlton on Thursday?? Debbie Downer! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Debbie D. is going to some debauched action from an ex-boyfriend that dumped her @ss and moved away 3 years ago. Sure, they haven’t seen each other since then, and it’s been about 8 months since they last talked, but still-she’s hopeful. She stumbled across his profile on match.com just a few days ago, and off they were on their way to a regretful night in the romantic metropolis of Pentagon City, VA.

She stopped by this afternoon to bore me and Lit’l Smokey with the details. We were both very “delighted” to hear all about it. He’s going to be in town for some training, and is hoping to catch up with her-as long as she will go to see him and he doesn’t have to pay for a car rental. She said she’d love to, and then told him that she’d just take off from work on Friday and spend the night with him at the hotel. That’s all that Lit’l Smokey could handle. At that point he made an excuse about wanting to hear the rest of the story, but having to go to a meeting. Clever boy.

Can’t wait until Monday to find out how it turns out. My guess? Most likely, they’ll do it, he’ll go home, she’ll be all into him again, and then he’ll dump her, AGAIN.

She really does have a way with relationships and men. . .Perhaps you’d like to try her new perfume: Desperation.

Dating Theory 101

8 May

Several years ago, my friend, M, provided me with a riveting explanation of how dating should work. I provide it for you below.

It’s like….. like a Sedan. Okay? Our love lives are like a five-seater sedan. Choose the car you want. I pick my baby bmw sitting at home waiting for me faithfully. So… it’s a sedan. It has five seats. You are the driver. You get 4 passengers. Right now we are on the first leg of the trip where you are driving around trying to fill up the 4 seats. Along the way you get to make stops and switch who is sitting shotgun (i.e. dates, one-on-one time). And the more of that you do, the more you understand which ones you like which you don’t. And also, on the ride, you get to keep your eyes open for other potential rides/guests out on the street. When you find them, if they are better than any of the current ones, then you rotate out (ditch the sucker’s ass) the least coveted one currently in the car. Okay? And you keep doing this until someone is basically permanently shotgun and you realize you just wanna ditch the rest and you’d rather check out shotgun then look out the window for other competitors. And then you’re done. And Mr. Shotgun gets the prize…… i.e. he gets to be the driver and drive your ass around for the rest of his life and LOVE doing so. Plus, maybe now that you are sitting shotgun you can give him a little something during the ride………lah di da da dah!

In theory, I love it. In practice, I have a hard time talking guys into my car (for me, it would be a SAAB).

He Wants Me

8 May

Yesterday was a rough day. I have a total of 17 projects on my plate right now-normal work load runs aroung 4 to 6 projects. Three of them are due this week. Yesterday was a busy and rough day.

In his typical way, Lit’l Smokey attempted to start up a conversation with me. I was short with him. He told me I looked stressed, and then asked me if he could interest me in some Starbucks. His treat. He’d go and get it for me while I continued you working. My jaw hit the top of my desk. Who offers this? No one that I know. Typically I get this type of response, “Tough day? That sucks. See you later!” He was offering to leave work, get in his car, drive to Starbucks and get me anything I wanted.

I almost said no. In the end, you all know that I said yes to Lit’l Smokey.