It Worked for Steve Martin

2 May

Okay, so maybe the premise of Roxanne is slightly different as Steve Martin gets the girl that he’s helping to woo, and I’m not interested in getting the girl that I’m helping Lit’l Smokey to woo. I’m sure you get the picture. Let me tell you the story of his romance with a teeny tiny little baby tramp. We shall refer to her as Baby Tramp. Little, Baby Tramp is 21 years old and still in college (Lit’l Smokey is in his late 20’s). Their wooing takes place on MySpace, and it’s in the form of various messages and comments postings.
Several days ago, Lit’l Smokey and I were discussing Baby Tramp. He was in the process of playing a little game with her: she sent him a message on Tuesday, and he decided he’d wait a few days to respond. When he told me this, I called him a “dick” and told him that was a lame ass thing to do. He told me he didn’t want her to think that he was too eager. Hi, she’s 21 and he’s in his late 20’s. I hope that she’s aware that he just wants to tap that and then move on. If not, then this is a valuable life lesson that she’s about to learn.
When he finally decided to respond to her email, she waited a day and then wrote back to him. He thought that he’d be able to tell if she was pissed/not by the “tone” in her email. The next day, he forwards me the email to get my take. My conclusion: I hate her and she must be stopped. He asked me how to respond, so I went ahead and took care of it. Below is the exchange (mind you, I’ve made no edits to any spelling/grammar errors, I have, however, inserted some wonderful commentary):
Baby Tramp: hello hello[how about capitalization?] ! I am going to be in your town this summer, I will actually be home next week! I have to take a summer class here, but its really short (may 21-june 8th or 9th) I will have to check on that. I have heard amazing things about the [band] and would love to go! I jsut [learn to spellcheck] have to check on the date of my class ending…if it works out i would love to go to that.
This summer i’m living with a friend right by [location]…should be fun! i’m [Grammar 101: the first letter of the first word of a sentence should always be capitalized] looking forward to this summer.
Have a lovely day!
CS writing for LS: Lucky you getting to take another class! What class are you taking? I’ll be thinking of you in your class while I’m busy NOT studying. If you get good grades, maybe I’ll buy you a drink or 2 (or 8) at the concert. [What can I say aside from how clever this is?]
Baby Tramp: haha lucky…i [again, she needs to learn some basic capitalization skills] dont [dont is not a word, don’t, however, is] know about that! I’m taking a really cool class though, silkscreening . The class is 8 hours a day though, monday through friday so that might be a little rough. And by the way, I am a very good student, which means I will be getting a good grade, which means that you should just be planning on buying me those 8 drinks!
Have a lovely Saturday! get crunked up [Christ almighty, I don’t think I have to say much about her “get crunked up” comment. SO LAME!!]
CS writing for LS: Wow, silkscreening. That’s going to come in pretty handy some day. I hear there’s a HUGE demand for silkscreeners in corporate America right now. I expect to see all your final projects and one of them better be of my face on a new shirt-otherwise, there will be no drinks for you.
Maybe I’ll just let him hit it with her first so he can just get it out of his system. I plan on sabotaging all his (my) hard work when I meet her in June. Can’t wait!

9 Responses to “It Worked for Steve Martin”

  1. The Ambiguous Blob May 2, 2007 at 5:40 pm #

    I’m not comfortable with the term “crunked up”.

  2. CATHERINETTE SINGLETON May 2, 2007 at 5:41 pm #

    Probably because you’re not a dirty little tramp.

  3. Grant Miller May 2, 2007 at 7:33 pm #

    I learned all my valuable life lessons in Kindergarten.

  4. Princess Extraordinaire May 2, 2007 at 7:38 pm #

    Geeez……….

  5. 5 of 9er May 2, 2007 at 7:56 pm #

    Lame boys will always be into younger trashy girls. This is not a good sign about Lil Smokey.

  6. lulu May 3, 2007 at 4:41 am #

    All boys will always be into trashy younger girls, luckily it will probably last about a week and a half once they meet, because trashy younger girls are generally not clever conversationalists.

  7. Beatrix Kiddo May 3, 2007 at 12:00 pm #

    Don’t get mad, CS, get even. Even if you don’t think you can, you totally can compete with Baby Tramp. Actually, I feel uncomfortable calling this girl Baby Tramp, because I’m younger than her. But, whatevs, throw down the gauntlet and claim your man. In the supply closet.

  8. The Diva's Thoughts May 3, 2007 at 2:41 pm #

    You have nothing to worry about. She will last all of 2.5 seconds total.

  9. Mister Underhill May 4, 2007 at 8:13 pm #

    The really funny part about this is that what’s his name needs you to be able to respond to these mysapce messages.

    Her: “hi i am gullible and slutty.”

    Him: CS WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

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