Archive | April, 2007

Guess who crawled under my desk yesterday? That’s…

25 Apr

Guess who crawled under my desk yesterday? That’s right, Lit’l Smokey. It was all under the pretext of getting something he had dropped under there, but we all know why he really wanted to get under my desk. My first instinct was to remain seated and let him crawl on down there and go to town, however, my desire to remain employed led me to another decision. Though I got up out of my seat, I stayed close by.

One of the head honchos walked by and saw him under my desk. She was coming out of her office, and did a double take.

HH: What the hell is he doing down there?
CS: He dropped something and is looking for it?
HH: That just does not look right.
CS: I hear ya. At least I didn’t stay in my seat.
HH: Definitely something you don’t see anyday.
CS: Indeed.
HH found that to be very amusing.

During this exchange, there were random musings from Lit’l Smokey (It’s dirty down here. What should I do with this box?). I had to keep telling myself not to laugh. He said “box”. I’m totally 12 years old.

Bartles and Jaymes

25 Apr

I have a new term for bj: Bartles & Jaymes. Below are examples of the correct and incorrect usage:

  • Correct: He begged and begged for a Bartles & Jaymes, but I refused to give him one until he gave me a cookie.

  • Incorrect: I can’t think of anything! Use it freely and enjoy!

Protected: My Friend the Rockstar

24 Apr

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Yet Another Meeting with Destiny

24 Apr

Things just get better and better. As if it’s not enough to sit across from Lit’l Smokey, I just found out that the other hot new guy in my Department (he’s down in our Florida office), will be up here for a few days next week. Oh, yes, that’s good-but it gets better. Ten minutes ago I received an email from my boss asking me if I had time to meet with the hot new guy. HELL YES! I’ve set up a breakfast meeting for next Tuesday. In attendance will be the hot new guy, Lit’l Smokey, the new girl (DJ), and me. I CAN’T WAIT!!

The new guy has the most hypnotic eyes I’ve ever seen. I first met him about 2 years ago when he was in one of my training classes. A year later, he was in another one of my classes. I was in the middle of a riveting monologue about the virtues of a new system when I looked into those dreamy eyes and totally blanked-in front of the entire class.

He’s hot, has dreamy eyes, and I want him. He will henceforth be known as: Dreamy Eyes.

Things Lit’l Smokey Says to Me that Make Me Blush

24 Apr

“No, you do it. I like it when you do it.”

This morning, while on the way to an emergency app…

23 Apr

This morning, while on the way to an emergency appointment with the vet, I received a call from Boss Lady. I had left her a message letting her know that my St. Bernard, Sebastian, was sick and I had to take him to see the vet. She called to check in on me, and then she dropped a big old bombshell in my lap: Boss Lady is leaving. She told me today that she’s moving on to another job at the company. That leaves her position open. I’ve never been interested in a management position, there’s far too much bull shitting and politicking for me. Frankly, it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. This position, however, is tempting to me. For if I was hired, guess who would be reporting to me? That’s right, Lit’l Smokey!

Dirty office debauchery with a direct report! How hot would that be??

I’m not sure what to make of this, but Lit’l Smoke…

20 Apr

I’m not sure what to make of this, but Lit’l Smokey and I just spent 20 minutes reviewing The Night Before Christmas. He was trying to prove that he had memorized the bulk of it. He hadn’t, I proved him wrong.

Clearly this means he wants me.

Still Smokey

20 Apr

Lit’l Smokey is a master with the ladies. It’s really impressive to see how practically every female in this office is fawning all over him. I’d like to make this point very clear to them: He’s mine, I saw him first, and I called dibs. I’ve learned a lot about Lit’l Smokey over the last few days. Here are some highlights:

  • He has a very good friend that he hooks up with. Oh, and she has a boyfriend that lives in a far away state.
  • He wears a gold chain around his neck. I find this to be cheesy and am going to ask him what gang he’s in. Clearly, men only wear gold chains because they’re in gangs. That can be the only explanation.
  • His middle name is lame.
  • He has always dated women that are taller than he is. This is not a huge surprise as he’s kind of a little guy.
  • He is totally ana1. He doesn’t let people eat or smoke in his car, and he keeps his house super clean. Today I had the joy and pleasure of riding in his car-it looked like he had just picked it up at the dealership. I’ve never seen a cleaner car.
  • He finds me to be incredibly amusing. He’s been working on 2 projects with me at work, on other words, he’s my bitch and does what I tell him to do. Today this included his spending FOUR HOURS in my cubicle. He would just laugh and laugh at all of my incredibly clever remarks. I even saw him wiping away a tear or two. This was not a scheduled meeting, so I was ill prepared-the girls were nowhere to be seen. Had I known, my choice of wardrobe would have been very different.

The question now is: what do I do with all of this useful information? Another question to ponder, what’s he going to do without me? In May, I’ll be traveling for 2 weeks. Will one of the trampy little tramps in the office use this time to her advantage? Oh, I’d kill her upon my return. Not even Foxy can protect him for me as she too has fallen victim to his charms. If only I could convince management to let him come with me.

Now that would be a freaking AWESOME business trip.