Archive | 9:10 pm

Modern "Marvels"

7 Mar

There are certain things in the modern world that leave me scratching my head. Why do these things exist? Why do they make people happy? And in some cases, why on god’s green worth would someone spend good money to buy it/them? Here’s the list:

  • Email/IM abbreviations: Every time I see “LOL” or “ROTFLMAO” it makes me want to hunt the person down and slap some sense into them. Don’t be lazy, spell it out.
  • Anonymous Avatars: You know the ones, they look just like a little faceless cartoon figure of a person. If you want to remain anonymous, go to town, but at least pick a better visual representation than a gay ass cartoon with no face.
  • Boost Mobile Phones: Seriously, I do not want to hear your conversation. At what point did people become too lazy to put the phone up to their ear and speak into it? No wonder people are so freaking fat today, we’re so lazy that we can’t lift our phones just 6 inches higher and to the right. Of course we’re not going to go and lift any weights!
  • Blue Tooth: See Boost Mobile Phones.
  • Endless commercials in movie theatres: Remember back in the day (which was a Thursday, according to Dane Cook) when we could go to the movies, spend less on a ticket, and NOT have to watch commercials? Why do I have to watch 20 minutes of stupid Scion and Coke commercials after shelling out so much freaking money for the movie ticket? What have we done to deserve this?
  • Expensive concessions at theatres/sports arenas: $7 for a fucking coke? That’s a joke, right?
  • Removing your Shoes at Airport Security: The madness has to stop. To my knowledge, there was only 1 person who attempted the whole shoe bomb thing. If this was a valid concern for security, then why don’t other countries do it too?
  • American Idol & Survivor: BORING! Everything after the first season just sucks the big bad one.
  • Rachel Ray: Your show sucks and so does your publicist. She/he always makes you look like a fat little piggy. And what’s the deal with your lame ass stage? I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t impress your guests when the find out that they have to sit on the floor. That’s not cool. If I hear you yell “Yummo” one more time, I will kill you with your own shoe.