I’m a Lazy Fatty Slacker

23 Feb

Over the last few months, one of my girlfriends (we’ll call her Mischa) and I have been pretty good about making it over to the gym that we have on campus. Though we have our days when we are simply unmotivated, we’ve found a proven technique to encourage one another to go: we call the other one out on their back fat. That’s right, people, back fat. For those of you fortunate enough to not know what it is, I’ll explain: it’s the fatty fat portion that bulges out underneath/above your bra on your back.

There are a few ladies that work in the gym, and we’ve asked them to do the same. If they think we’re slacking off, we’ll get emails from them about how it’s important to work out to get rid of the back fat. Today, it was taken a step further. There’s a smoking hot guy that works at the gym, I like to call him the Dirty Counter. You would totally understand why that’s an appropriate name if you ever took one of his classes: when he counts (say push ups or squats, etc.), he breaths out on the count. It makes it sound like he’s counting in the throws of mad passionate sex.

Anyway, today Mischa came to get me to go to the gym, and I flat out refused. The second she got there, she had DC email me about being such a slacker. I responded to him how he forgot to call me fatty. Not 2 seconds later I have an email from him that just read, “FATTY SLACKER!!” (Oh, that was his punctuation) There is nothing like having a hotty call you a fatty slacker, it does wonders for your self esteem.

I managed to get off my fat ass and go, and I’m happy I did as there were 2 good things that came out of it:

  1. There was some delightful eye candy on the bike in front of me. I’ve never seen him before, but hope to see him soon. Sure I spotted the stinking wedding ring a mile away. He’s now known to me as “The Husband”. For a split second I considered telling him that I was just a good a work out as the Lifestyle bicycle he was riding-but then I had visions of his tears and accusasions of sexual harassment.
  2. Mischa offered to play “Sienna in the Springtime”. I’m sure many of you have seen the photo of Sienna Miller in her tights and underoos. From time to time, when Mischa is feeling charitable, she plays dress up. She puts on her black sweater and her tights-there’s a striking similarity. Anyway, today she had on white tights so we pretended it was spring. It’s one of the most hysterical things I’ve ever seen.

2 Responses to “I’m a Lazy Fatty Slacker”

  1. The Accidental Bitch February 24, 2007 at 8:37 pm #

    Wow, that’s quite a “support” network. (in quotes because insults are still mean!!)

    I’d love to hear more about Dirty Counter. mmmm

  2. Alejandra February 26, 2007 at 5:43 am #

    When did society decide that it’s “OK” to wear tights as pants? I saw a girl at Pastis brunch wearing a sweater that barely covered her ass and sheer tights. She looked like 9 year old on her way to dance class.

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