Me, Pathetic? Never (Part 4)

29 Aug

After an officially crap weekend, I expected to come into work this morning and at least find ONE freaking email. Instead, I have NOTHING!! UGH! BOO! Why must this be so difficult? Turn it off-turn it off! I don’t want to like him anymore. So freaking frustrating.

I’m wearing way too much perfume this morning. I have to do little shallow breaths, otherwise it’s possible that I may cause myself to pass out. Also, I wore my contacts today-thinking that I might run into him.

My eyes are already bothering me, and he probably wouldn’t notice the difference. And to top it all off, my roots are awful and my next hair appointment isn’t until September 23rd. My eyes! Can barely see. . . Am sleepy. Would like to remove contacts and take a nap. That would be really sweet right about now. Makes it hard to pretend to do work when my eyes are closed. Instead will just keep checking on the hurricane coverage.

Poor New Orleans, it’s going to be gone before the day is over. No more French Quarter-such a great city too. If only the hurricane had crushed Chicago-with The Big X in it. Now that would be wicked SWEET!

Have received several very weak emails. Saw Notebook in the cafeteria at lunch time. He was looking pretty fine (as usual). Was wearing black button down shirt. He completely ignored me. Totally means that he wants me, right? Or it could mean that he wants nothing to do with me. Why must he play these dirty little games where I have to ana1yze every single freaking thing he does?

Here’s the thing: I totally know this isn’t going to work out, that Notebook’s not going to pick up the phone to call me. What blows is that I really, Really, REALLY want him to! I REALLY like him a lot. Safe to say that I haven’t sweat a guy like this since Mr. Big X-and that was FIVE FREAKING YEARS AGO!! Why is it so hard to make the chemistry work? Why can’t I have him? What does he do in 3 freaking hours that he can’t respond to my emails?? WHY?? It’s so freaking ridiculous. Meanwhile, I check my inbox every 2 minutes to see if he-by chance-has responded.

The super sweet thing-I know that tonight I’ll be checking my stupid cell phone messages about 40 times to see if he called. Oh, here’s a good one. Why not check them now?? You know, in case Notebook happened to call last night after I turned it off. I bet $50,000 that he did NOT call me! Let’s see. . . Low and behold!! NO NEW MESSAGES!! The only thing that’s on there is a saved message from Lauren at IJL. Ugh, I have to go and finish that thing out.

It’s so painful being me. I was basically fondled at the “spa” in WV, and now I have to go on one of those stupid dates. Gee, wonder who they’ll set me up with this time. The guy with the dirty fingernails, and the lazy eyed one is out. Perhaps it’ll be one that’s all tattooed up, or just plain butt ugly. Or maybe a dumb one. Sweet. Really looking forward to that one. Meanwhile-WHY HASN’T NOTEBOOK EMAILED ME??

Ugh. What would Bridget Jones do? Aside from obsess and keep checking here emails/voicemails. Might have to go home and watch it tonight. Only she gets to have both Daniel Cleaver AND Mark Darcy. And what have I got?? NOTHING!! Aw, sweet life. This is exactly how I imagined myself to be: no man, job with crap pay, house I can barely afford, and 30 pounds that would be better suited on someone else. Wicked sweet. Oh, and here’s the other thing. It’s about 10 of 5, so I’m going to sit here hoping that he stops by before he leaves. Only he isn’t going to stop by. Nor will he email me before he goes, nor will he call me later tonight. Instead, I’ll be pining away in the comfort of my own home.

I think I need to take something to make me stop this obsessing. Maybe I’ll go back and read the first few pages of this thing. Back when there was hope. . .Fucker. To think it was barely a week ago. Oh, and a week ago yesterday I was living on cloud 9. Now I’m lower than dirt. Can’t someone throw me a bone? Can’t I have a little something so that when I have to deal with Mr. Big X tomorrow, it won’t feel so awful. What ever happened to that shred of hope? So depressing.

I just did some stalking on email. He’s gone for the day-only I’ll sit here 10 more minutes to see if he’ll come down here. Which he will not do. I hate myself for doing this to myself. Shocker of all shockers, he didn’t come down here to say goodbye. I swear I could cry about this whole entire thing. . .

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