Who Are All These People??
Having a hard time keeping everyone straight? Maybe this will help you out:
The Ladies
- Foxy: My fabulous and funny coworker and girlfriend who shares a love of Lit’l Smokey.
- Georgia: Girlfriend can put on a southern accent like no one’s business. Plus she introduced us all to the wonders of the 4 Pumps Rule.
- Lola: Another one of my lovely girlfriends. We love her, she’s fun.
- Lucy(fer): My little niece. She’s just as evil as she is cute, and the girl is cute as a button.
- Muffy: The divine and fabulous girlfriend. She’s a pretty diva. We love her and her wonderful bullfrogs.
- Jane (One Date) Wonder: Fellow singleton in Smalltimore. The stories she can tell you about the thrills of online dating. Oh, and she can’t parallel park to save her life.
The Gentlemen
- Claude: My main gay that lives in Dupont.
- Damien: Older brother to Lucy(fer), and just as demonic.
- Disney: My coworker who is amusing to me. He’s pleasant, married, and very funny.
- Un-boyfriend: He is the anti boyfriend and stands for the exact opposite of everything a boyfriend should stand for. We dated for 2 years, broke up 8 years ago, and continue to be friends. From time to time, this friendship even has it’s benefits (typically this occurs about 1 or twice a year when I have reached extreme levels of desperation).
The Secret Boyfriends
- Lit’l Smokey: My coworker and secret boyfriend. It’s such a secret that he doesn’t even know about it. He’s cute, he’s smart, he’s funny, and he’s a short little guy. Also, he’s secretly in love with me. So secretly that he doesn’t even know about it.
- Notebook: The crush who I like to pretend is gay instead of admitting to myself that he just didn’t like me-until we knocked boots at a wedding on 07/07/07. So hot-and totally not gay.
The Dirty Rat Bastards
- Baby Tramp: The young unofficial “girlfriend” of Lit’l Smokey. We hate her and frequently make jokes about how young she is.
- Bitchy Witch: The awful senior manager who hates me for god only knows what reason. I know that she hates me because she told Big Boss Lady who told me. The Bitchy Witch is stuck in the 80’s-she insists on feathering her hair, wearing scarves around her nesk, cream colored suit jackets, and shoulder pads.
- Hairy McBacksweat: Ugh, the thought of him makes me want to throw up in my throat. He is gross and I was fat and going through hard times when we dated.
- Mr. Big X: The biggest jerk of them all (at least out of this bunch). We dated, he moved, I broke up with him, we got back together, I went to visit him, he dumped my ass on New Year’s. Hate him.
- Simone: My stupid pimple that visits whenever I have something fun and/or important to do.
The Coworkers
- Big Boss Lady: She’s our big manager. She’s like the queen of our department and we are her peons. She’s funny, but strict, and she scares me a little bit.
- Debbie Downer: The depressing, bitter, older coworker with zero luck in dating. I’d feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a cheap and whiny little brat.
- Jack Ass: He’s the one that makes me want to throw myself out the nearest first floor window. Jack sits right behind me and feels the need to annoy the hell out of me whenever he can. This enrages me.
- Little Bus: She’s smart, clever, and is a little too long winded when chatting. She also needs to eat a sandwich as she weighs about 3 pounds.
- Mischa: The divine and petite co-worker who likes to dress up like Sienna Miller in the gym lockeroom.
- Phone Boy: A newish coworker who I thought had dreamy eyes. Came to find out that he has a terrible addiction: to his cellphone.
