Gifts from Abroad

Here I am in merry old England and, so far, I have little to complain about.  Sure, I have to share a room with my mom and she snores, but she is paying for the entire trip so I’m not kicking any gift horses in the mouth (as Boom Boom would say).

We arrived on Friday morning, after a hectic day.  Those of you that follow me on Twitter may remember me bitching about a tooth ache.  There’s a reason I had a tooth ache-it’s because of the cavity…that had spread all the way up to the roots.  That’s right, bitches, I had to have a ROOT CANAL just hours before my flight took off.  I nearly wept when the dentist told me I had to have one.  I did weep when they told me that the price of the root canal and the crown would cost me over $1000.  They might as well have just shoved a fist up my ass and called it a day.

Don't I look so hot getting a root canal?

Yeah, so that royally sucked.  And then.  AND THEN my mom got pissed at me for having to have a root canal.  Like that was my fucking fault!!  Our flight left at 6:30, I live 20 minutes away from the airport, and she was livid that we weren’t leaving my house until 4:00.  She was convinced that we wouldn’t make the flight.  She spent the first 5 minutes bitching me out and calling me “irresponsible” and telling me that I “shouldn’t leave things until the last minute.”  I neglected to tell her that my car’s check engine light had gone on the night before.  I didn’t need her yelling at me for that too.  Thankfully, we made it to the airport.

I slept the entire way. 

We arrived at Gatwick without incident, and went off to find our car rental.  Neither of us had bothered to write down where the hell we had made our reservation.  We ragged our luggage the 16 miles it took to get to the car rental place.  We were sure that it was at Budget.  Too bad that there was no Budget when we got there.  Turns out we had to take a little van to get there.  They picked us up, drove us the 15 minutes to the station, and then had to drive us back.  You see, they lied to us during the reservation process.  I reserved an AUTOMATIC car from London to Manchester.  They set aside a MANUAL from Gatwick to Gatwick.  When we bitched them out, they told us that they had Mercedes available, for an additional 500 pounds.  We told them to shove it and made them drive us back.

After settling with another car rental agency, I settled behind the car and was ready to drive off into the sunset.  Sure, I was butt tired, starving to death, and freaking out about driving, but I managed.  We made it all the way to our hotel without a single car accident.  I had to endure my mothers, “you’re getting too close to the edge,” and “oh my god,” and “god save us,” and her endless tears.  I told her to shut it and let me drive.  The 3 hour drive took us 5 hours, but that’s because she’s a terrible navigator.

Since arriving, we have spent the days exploring the little towns that make up the Cotswolds.  It’s very picturesque and beautiful-and I’m not just talking about the hot bellboy and concierge.  This afternoon, we drove out to Cheltenham as Lola had suggested.  We didn’t like it.  I did, however, find the perfect gift for Foxy. 

Foxy, honey, I miss you so much and wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you.  Here’s a little pic of what I’m going to shove in your Christmas stocking: