I’ve always had a way with small children. When I was younger my main source of income was from babysitting. Okay, that’s a lie. My parents were really generous and I had a very large allowance. However, I did babysit a lot as I was fond of kids.
Here we are years later and I have none of my own. I do, however, have Damien (3) and Lucy(fer) (1), my nephew and niece. I love them dearly and have found that being with children in your family can be more fun/frustrating than with other people’s children. One of my favorite things to do with them is corrupt them.
Here are a few things that I enjoy teaching them:
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The appropriate response when someone asks them why they’re so cute. What’s the response? Botox! Imagine the sheer horror the next time someone asks, “How’d you get so cute,” and your 2 year old nephew says, “Botox!” It’s gold!
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The joys of Fabreze. Mmm…smells so good. Tastes even better.
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How to say cute things. For example, I’ve just taught my year old niece how to whisper, “I see dead people.” It’s hysterical. Now, if only I could get her to go up to strangers and say it.
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The appropriate way to respond when daddy won’t buy them that new toy. The right thing for them to do is walk up to a complete stranger and say, “Daddy hits me.” They’ll get they’re way every single time.
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Oh, and let’s not forget giving them iced coffee. Kids love iced coffee! See? Here’s Lucy(fer) enjoying hers. Mmm…caffeine and sugar for a one year old.
Let me know if you want me to come over and babysit your kids anytime soon.
I know you’re kidding about the iced coffee, but as a child I would have murdered someone for it. I was a coffee freak as a kid. Finally my family gave up and let me have it, but they feared it would stunt my growth. It apparently didn’t, unless of course I was actually meant to be 6 feet tall.
I assure you that I am most certianly NOT KIDDING about the iced coffee. It’s decaf, but it’s still iced coffee. -CS
Great advice! I love the botox line.
Feel free to claim it as your own. -CS
I wish I had used the “Mommy and daddy hits me” to get some sweet ass GI Joe figures from social services.
You also would have gotten plenty of free candy without having to pose for those pictures for your Uncle. -CS
Ooh, a girl after my own heart – I loved teaching my babies to say outrageous things! The Botox line is killer!
Catherinette, will you be my auntie, too?
Baroness Von B, it would be my absolute pleasure to be your auntie. Let’s celebrate by having you make me a cocktail. -CS
OMG. botox. hilarious!!
Feel free to use it any old time you like. -CS
I see dead people? Gosh now I wish I had kids/nephews/nieces to teach that line to.
Any random strange kids in your neighborhood? You could always try it with them. -CS
The I see dead people one might keep them from getting abducted, too.
It’s really for their own safety. -CS
You have to start early…make sure the first words they learn are no, don’t and stop. That drives parents crazy.
I think they should also learn, “Your words are like gibberish.” -CS
I taught my neice to say “Hooray beer!”, from the Red Stripe commericals and she is in a baptist sunday school class. My sister loves me for that.
Ooo! That’s a good one. Have to add that one to the list. -CS
LMAO. Your evil. Funny, but evil.
It totally runs in the family. -CS
I must say that Botox really has made that baby THE CUTEST.
Botox is for people of all ages. -CS
You’re such a natural! I love it when you call her Lucy(fer). My favorite is “I see dead people.” God, she’s cute.
My sister flips out everytime she says it. Oh well, I don’t care. It’s freaking funny and that’s what matters. -CS
I’m sorry. I am officially stealing that Botox line for my granddaughter when I see her in June. I plan on many devious things and then sending them home.
No need to be sorry! You feel free to share it with your friends too. I just want to hear how it all turns out. -CS
“I see dead people”
That’s friggin hysterical! When I go home next week I’m totally teaching my nieces!!
It’s gold when they say it! I freaking LOVE it! -CS